Monogamy is over rated -from a married mother of three children perspective

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it reasonable to expect in marriages lasting nearly 50 year, that each partner will be able to fill all of the needs of the other partner? I simply think dont think it is realistic expectation to require one person, your spouse, to meet all of the emotional, physical, spiritual, family, and intellectual intimacy we need for the rest of our lives. In our longtime sexless marriage, it has been "open" more because I as the female need it, more so that him than. I'm trying to stick it out and not have our poor marriage lead to a torn home for my children though. I don't now if the fighting and being married is better, or it would just be better have a calm home --and two separate ones.

No need to make excuses to justify what you want. You want to have your cake and eat it too but no one to judge you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go so far as to say monogamy is not natural.

Happiness is also not natural. Humans are shortterm thinkers.

[Anonymous]

I don’t agree. I’ve been married multiple decades and marriage is like any other skill. If you both keep trying, you both get better at it. If you don’t both keep trying, eventually you neglect it and it unravels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t agree. I’ve been married multiple decades and marriage is like any other skill. If you both keep trying, you both get better at it. If you don’t both keep trying, eventually you neglect it and it unravels.

The problem when both want monogamy, but one spouse just isn’t in to having more than once a month and isn’t into it when it happens.

Seems like men, inin this situation, don’t know how to handle monogamy when needs aren’t met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are modeling an unhealthy marriage for your children.

They will grow into healthier adults if they have happy parents who made choices that were in their best interests. Not a fighting couple with no romance. Is that what you want them to seek in a spouse?

Cheaters often create and cause the strife to justify their actions. They only look for any negative thing and nitpick it. They make the marriage so toxic- of course who wants to fk them? They sound a lot like OP. Of course everything is all wonderful in fantasy land and when you spend all of your time there you aren’t giving marriage a legitimate chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it sounds exhausting. Don't know where people find the time to be non monogamous.

+1. On other parts of the Internet, I see dudes complaining how women's expectations are so unreasonably high that it's nigh impossible for men to get any action. I haven't been in the game for decades, but that corresponds with my memory of it taking some serious effort to get into a sexual relationship. With work and family responsibilities being what they are, I can't see having the time or energy even if my morals were more flexible than they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly it sounds exhausting. Don't know where people find the time to be non monogamous.

+1. On other parts of the Internet, I see dudes complaining how women's expectations are so unreasonably high that it's nigh impossible for men to get any action. I haven't been in the game for decades, but that corresponds with my memory of it taking some serious effort to get into a sexual relationship. With work and family responsibilities being what they are, I can't see having the time or energy even if my morals were more flexible than they are.

I can recognize the impact of such responsibilities it has on my wife. That said, anniversary, weekends away without kids, and other specials occasions should be more than just check the box and go to sleep. Why rush it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it reasonable to expect in marriages lasting nearly 50 year, that each partner will be able to fill all of the needs of the other partner? I simply think dont think it is realistic expectation to require one person, your spouse, to meet all of the emotional, physical, spiritual, family, and intellectual intimacy we need for the rest of our lives. In our longtime sexless marriage, it has been "open" more because I as the female need it, more so that him than. I'm trying to stick it out and not have our poor marriage lead to a torn home for my children though. I don't now if the fighting and being married is better, or it would just be better have a calm home --and two separate ones.

Sometimes, especially if the mutual respect and goals keep up.

But if that goes down the tubes and only one spouse is parenting, keeping house, doing family goals and resentment sets in… go for it!

[Anonymous]

OP I hope you are testing for STDs every 30 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t agree. I’ve been married multiple decades and marriage is like any other skill. If you both keep trying, you both get better at it. If you don’t both keep trying, eventually you neglect it and it unravels.

The problem when both want monogamy, but one spouse just isn’t in to having more than once a month and isn’t into it when it happens.

Seems like men, inin this situation, don’t know how to handle monogamy when needs aren’t met.

A spouse removing sex from the equation is 100% equivalent to cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t agree. I’ve been married multiple decades and marriage is like any other skill. If you both keep trying, you both get better at it. If you don’t both keep trying, eventually you neglect it and it unravels.

The problem when both want monogamy, but one spouse just isn’t in to having more than once a month and isn’t into it when it happens.

Seems like men, inin this situation, don’t know how to handle monogamy when needs aren’t met.

A spouse removing sex from the equation is 100% equivalent to cheating.

Not 100% because they aren't hiding the non-existence of sex. If nothing else, the cheater is hiding and deceiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tbh, relationships never lasted so long as they do now because of life expectancy and comfortable life. My both grandmas lost their spouses in the wars in their 20s and 30s. They both had several partners afterwards without leaving anyone. It was very uncommon to stay with one partner for 50 years, because usually the man would be dead after 10-15 years for one reason or another (war or illness).

Not just the man. Childbirth is deadly.