No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why people who leave their kids all the time to go to work, other parties, the gym, etc, get so worked up against this.

I had no kids OTHER than family at my wedding. I did invite related kids. I am glad they were there. But I don't feel like it's offensive if relatives don't invite my kids.

Because they want to show off their kids to family/friends who don't see them all the time - whether they will admit to this reason or not.

🤮

Why is that vomit inducing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why people who leave their kids all the time to go to work, other parties, the gym, etc, get so worked up against this.

I had no kids OTHER than family at my wedding. I did invite related kids. I am glad they were there. But I don't feel like it's offensive if relatives don't invite my kids.

Because they want to show off their kids to family/friends who don't see them all the time - whether they will admit to this reason or not.

"Show off" is an odd word choice; I don't think anyone is impressed by my eight year old. I do like when my kids get to see their family and friends, though. It helps build social bonds, which are important. I've never fought with anyone over kids at weddings, but I think weddings are better with kids.

Sounds like you want a family reunion. Plan and pay for one yourself.

I did. It was my wedding. Part of the purpose of a wedding, to normal, non-deranged people, is to see family and friends.

+1 my wedding was also a family reunion for both sides, a college reunion for my friends, etc. I loved that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why people who leave their kids all the time to go to work, other parties, the gym, etc, get so worked up against this.

I had no kids OTHER than family at my wedding. I did invite related kids. I am glad they were there. But I don't feel like it's offensive if relatives don't invite my kids.

Because they want to show off their kids to family/friends who don't see them all the time - whether they will admit to this reason or not.

"Show off" is an odd word choice; I don't think anyone is impressed by my eight year old. I do like when my kids get to see their family and friends, though. It helps build social bonds, which are important. I've never fought with anyone over kids at weddings, but I think weddings are better with kids.

Sounds like you want a family reunion. Plan and pay for one yourself.

Dp. Hope they don't invite the people who excluding 12 year olds.

See how they like being excluded.

[Anonymous]

I think is often driven my venue rules around alcohol, as well. Our venue had a rule that, if we wanted wine served with dinner, if there was even one guest under 21 then we had to pay 2k for additional servers to pour wine with dinner. If everyone was over 21 then they'd just put bottles on the table for guests to serve serve.

My sisters were under 21 and of course they needed to be included so we opted not to have wine service and keep the bar open so people had to go get their own drinks, but it wasn't ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think uninviting a 12 year old niece is ridiculous.

How is it uninviting? Niece was never invited in the first place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We had a "no kids" wedding and looking back, regret it. It's a family celebration and everyone should be included.

But yeah, I wanted it to be a grown-up affair (e.g., open bar, live band). I didn't understand the kid thing. We offered on-site babysitting, which we thought was super thoughtful, but parents of young ones did not like that option at all.

As it turned out, we had several teenagers come and probably irritated the parents of very young children.

I got married in my early 30s and we did no kids other than nieces/nephews because almost all of my friends and several of DH's friends had kids. If we invited kids and everyone brought them it would have been like 175 adults and 50 kids, mostly toddlers/preschoolers. Looking back, I am sure several would have chosen not to bring their kids. The reception was until 11:30 pm if I recall correctly. If I had to do it again, I'd include them. But to my knowledge nobody was angry with me about it. Who knows though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it brings up a lot of complicated feelings. Weddings have always been traditionally family event with two families coming together and a new family starting. But a few years ago, there was a change to make everything perfect, Instagram worthy and aspirational so out with imperfect kids. I also think it goes hand-in-hand with parents, not parenting their kids which is a huge incentive to not have kids at a wedding.

Personally, I would rather have kids at my wedding, then have a perfect wedding, and I would definitely rather be inclusive of kids than lose and alienate family members.

Likewise family members should understand when a couple chooses to only have an adult only ceremony and not break relationships because they can’t bring their kids

It's definitely the instagram effect. People would rather spend the money on a videographer or better flowers than their guests or pay for kids.

No kids at weddings is not new. I’ve been to no kids at multiple weddings starting from over 40 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why people who leave their kids all the time to go to work, other parties, the gym, etc, get so worked up against this.

I had no kids OTHER than family at my wedding. I did invite related kids. I am glad they were there. But I don't feel like it's offensive if relatives don't invite my kids.

Because they want to show off their kids to family/friends who don't see them all the time - whether they will admit to this reason or not.

"Show off" is an odd word choice; I don't think anyone is impressed by my eight year old. I do like when my kids get to see their family and friends, though. It helps build social bonds, which are important. I've never fought with anyone over kids at weddings, but I think weddings are better with kids.

Sounds like you want a family reunion. Plan and pay for one yourself.

Dp. Hope they don't invite the people who excluding 12 year olds.

See how they like being excluded.

You sound miserable. What a way to go through life. I accept invitations that make sense for me and my family, and decline the invites that don't work for us. Life doesn't have to be bitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see both sides.

My dds were actually IN the wedding as flower girls and still weren't allowed to attend the reception. They were older too, well behaved, and super excited for the bride. Mostly they just like all the romantic, princess things. They definitely left the wedding crying. Bride didn't want kids ruining the reception vibe.

NP. I would have not attended rather than permit that. It is shockingly self-centered behavior from the bride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think not inviting close relatives of any age is a dumb idea. Family is family, not matter the age and a wedding (to me) is an important family event. I can understand not inviting all the kids of your current friends or less close relations, because not all weddings are for kids.

But some people get so blinded by "NO KIDS" they alienate their sister for life over a 12 year old's attendance. It's silly.

Like someone said above, they want a family reunion they can plan and pay for one. End of. The couple gets to choose, no questions asked. You can decline, no questions asked.

Yes of course that's true. I still think not inviting your sibling's children is in poor form. Your cousin's kids? Eh whatever. But family events should include all close family. There's a higher chance your drunk, racist uncle ruins the wedding than a 12 year old.

[Anonymous]

It's hilarious to me, because so many of the people (in my life/experience) had CF weddings. But as soon as THEY have kids, they expect everyone else to kowtow to them. It's quite selfish and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are South Asian and of course had kids at our wedding. But my cousin's kid wailed throughout my ceremony and my cousin didn't have the sense to take the kid outside of the hall. Years later, that same cousin's other kid almost ruined a couple's first dance bc the parents couldn't be bothered to keep their kid away from the dance floor for a few minutes.

This is to say, I understand why people exclude kids from weddings. It's not about the kids, it's about the entitled/clueless parents of said kids that don't remove their kid or correct their behavior.

See, a lot of people would find it really cute that a kid occupies the dance floor during the first dance. If I were the bride, I would love it and cherish those pics. Sadly, no kid came up to us during the dance, but I do have hilarious pics of kid shenanigans during other parts of my wedding - they're the best! I'm French, had my wedding in a castle in France, and all the kids were running around, petting the horses of the horse-drawn carriage (under supervision), running into the garden or the fields... it was carefree and exactly what I thought should happen.

The root of the problem is a fundamental difference in how certain adults view the presence of children, who naturally understand the world differently from adults. Childhood is so short and precious. Most of the world understands that this is a time to be understanding of their needs, not try to straight-jacket them into unnecessary decorum. The decorum gets learned every day. My kids are now young adults and teens. They and their cousins have absorbed all the required mannerisms to be courteous adults. They are none of the worse for being invited to weddings and being allowed to express themselves.

This isn’t cute. At all. Why would you think its cure for kids to upstage the couple for the first dance? The kids can slide on their knees the next 30 songs.

+1 South Asian PP here. Kids dancing on the dance floor is absolutely adorable. But can't the couple have ONE dance to themselves? Or a cake cutting where a snotty kid isn't sticking their licked finger back into the icing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not attend adult only weddings. I do not harbor ill will to the groom and bride either at the time or after the fact. They have a right to set their ceremony as they wish. I have a right to attend or not.

For me, I think weddings are one of the few ceremonies left where our young people can learn about community, promises and meaning.

My own kids are polite young adults and I don’t attend adult-only weddings any more either. A wedding invitation that bars kids is a glaring red flag that the wedding is going to be an endlessly tedious affair in narcissism. Every single no-kids wedding I have attended has been excruciating, and at this stage in my life, I’m comfortable drawing my own boundaries and declining. Life is too short.

I am of course polite and send warm wishes and a gift. I have never even told anyone why I don’t attend. I simply do not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hilarious to me, because so many of the people (in my life/experience) had CF weddings. But as soon as THEY have kids, they expect everyone else to kowtow to them. It's quite selfish and entitled.

Yes, I’ve definitely notice a 1:1 correlation between the people who insist on childfree weddings and their later terribly entitled parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

+1 Well said.