Traveling with good friend and her friends I don’t know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost this troll attempt at 2k per night room. $500 maybe, but only an idiot would spend 2k. If you indeed can afford 2k then you can also afford to pay for a travel planner or rent a house. But you’ll still be in mom’s basement dreaming about your wild African Safari in your 2k room on your birthday that you planned for your fake friend.

Have you looked at any hotels in any decent area for winter break, spring break or summer post covid? I was just talking to friends about how a Fairfax inn in nyc costs $800. Ocean city MD will cost you $500. What kind of hotel costs only $500. Inflation is probably highest for high demand travel.

You couldn’t pay me enough to visit NYC or Ocean City. Much better places around, and cheaper too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not your birthday, it's hers. Stop making it about you. I'm sure you can slum it for a couple of days so your friend can have the people she wants there.

+1 It's not your birthday. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel for OP. A lot of ppl have a visceral reaction to the 2000/nite hotel room snob, but in all fairness at 50 it's not totally outlandish.

This trip is spiraling out of OP's control. Heck even the birthday gal is losing steam. I think the best thing to do is for the birthday girl is set dates that work best for her and go from there. Decision by committee is a very long and miserable process. Someone has to take the lead and in this case it has to be the birthday girl.

The problem is that these other people are also turning 50 so it is also their birthday, not just my friend. Ugh. What a mess.

So let them go on their 50th birthday trip and you treat your friend to a different trip.

This BUT ALSO

why can't you just talk to your friend about how you feel?

Yea it's time for a heart to heart and someone to take the lead on planning for whoever can go the dates that work best for friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

She does want to go on the trip.

We talked about a trip with the kids. We talked about domestic and international trips. I asked her what SHE wanted to do for her own birthday and she chose this trip, the same trip we talked about before she was divorced. I think she is losing steam with all the different people. I’m not leading so she may be thinking about costs.

And while it isn’t MY milestone birthday, the trip falls closer to my birthday than hers.

Ok, now you just sound like a diva.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You lost this troll attempt at 2k per night room. $500 maybe, but only an idiot would spend 2k. If you indeed can afford 2k then you can also afford to pay for a travel planner or rent a house. But you’ll still be in mom’s basement dreaming about your wild African Safari in your 2k room on your birthday that you planned for your fake friend.

Have you looked at any hotels in any decent area for winter break, spring break or summer post covid? I was just talking to friends about how a Fairfax inn in nyc costs $800. Ocean city MD will cost you $500. What kind of hotel costs only $500. Inflation is probably highest for high demand travel.

You couldn’t pay me enough to visit NYC or Ocean City. Much better places around, and cheaper too.

I don’t go to OC either. I’m just saying that is the going rate. I have heard other people talking about it in the past complaining.

On our last European trip, we had to get two rooms for our family and each room cost over 2k. With fees, we paid $5k per night for our family.

Our friend recently went to the same country and told DH that they squeezed their family in one room because the hotel room cost over 2k.

2k isn’t as much as it sounds these days when you are traveling to high in demand places. We always pay that for any trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

She does want to go on the trip.

We talked about a trip with the kids. We talked about domestic and international trips. I asked her what SHE wanted to do for her own birthday and she chose this trip, the same trip we talked about before she was divorced. I think she is losing steam with all the different people. I’m not leading so she may be thinking about costs.

And while it isn’t MY milestone birthday, the trip falls closer to my birthday than hers.

Ok, now you just sound like a diva.

How am i a diva for having a birthday closest to the actual trip? And for the record, the friend and sister chose the month, not me. The sister is more the driver. Her kids are on a different school schedule.

[Anonymous]

This is why I don't have friends. You offered something nice for you and the friend, and here the friend wants to just add people to the trip you are paying for and add more people. To me that should be a separate trip because she's raining on your gift.

[Anonymous]

This is one reason I hate group trips!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

She does want to go on the trip.

We talked about a trip with the kids. We talked about domestic and international trips. I asked her what SHE wanted to do for her own birthday and she chose this trip, the same trip we talked about before she was divorced. I think she is losing steam with all the different people. I’m not leading so she may be thinking about costs.

And while it isn’t MY milestone birthday, the trip falls closer to my birthday than hers.

Ok, now you just sound like a diva.

How am i a diva for having a birthday closest to the actual trip? And for the record, the friend and sister chose the month, not me. The sister is more the driver. Her kids are on a different school schedule.

Because you’re Middle Aged and you’re acting like your birthday should be important at this level. This is not your first birthday nor your sweet sixteen.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like the nice room was OPs gift to her friend. She would probably cover a few meals too. Now that plan won't work.
If this was the intent, it should have been made clear to the day girl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the nice room was OPs gift to her friend. She would probably cover a few meals too. Now that plan won't work.
If this was the intent, it should have been made clear to the day girl.

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but if op is paying for a VERY expensive room to her friend, why would the friend then add a bunch of friends and change the whole trip? I think it's odd. It's like returning the gift and getting a totally different one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like the nice room was OPs gift to her friend. She would probably cover a few meals too. Now that plan won't work.
If this was the intent, it should have been made clear to the day girl.

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but if op is paying for a VERY expensive room to her friend, why would the friend then add a bunch of friends and change the whole trip? I think it's odd. It's like returning the gift and getting a totally different one.

It doesn't sound like this trip was very planned though. OP said they've been in discussion about it for 2 years and it still sounds like it's in the stages of "hey, in August we should try to go to Australia with your sister to celebrate your 50th. Since it's around my birthday, we can celebrate mine too". I would understand OPs annoyance more if things had been booked or arranged, but it doesn't seem like they've even gotten that far yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Sorry OP— you are trying to do a nice thing. The more people you add, the more unwieldy it’s going to get. I would also just stay quiet and hope it flames out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost this troll attempt at 2k per night room. $500 maybe, but only an idiot would spend 2k. If you indeed can afford 2k then you can also afford to pay for a travel planner or rent a house. But you’ll still be in mom’s basement dreaming about your wild African Safari in your 2k room on your birthday that you planned for your fake friend.

DP. have you traveled like anywhere recently?? $500 barely gets you a normal room at a midrange hotel anymore.

[Anonymous]

Your friend needs to pick a date that works for her (and also for you and her sister) and tell everybody else that this is when the trip is happening and they can join or not as their schedule allows. If you're talking about a remote international destination, there is no time that will work for everybody.