Traveling with good friend and her friends I don’t know

[Anonymous]

$1k to $2k a night? That is insane. I would feel worse for you if it was the other way round. If you can afford that, you can afford to pay for your own room and hers at a cheaper place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My friend went on a recent birthday milestone trip for a friend where she invited people from various times of her life on a trip. My friend said she had to room with 3 other people, only 1 she knew 20 years ago. She said bill splitting for a large group was horrible.

So then bail. You seem incredibly difficult. It's not your birthday. It is not your place to tell your friend she can't invite other friends to her birthday get away. You can tell your friend you want to plan another trip just the two of you instead. You can tell her you'll join but you're going to get your own room. You can suck it up. I'm not sure what you're looking for here. Do you want us to tell you it's ok to tell the birthday girl she can't invite these other friends?

[Anonymous]

It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It sounds like the one who issued the vague invite (you) neglected to plan for contingencies that have now appeared, and that the guest of honor (your friend) is now directing things the way she prefers, because you didn't take the reins earlier. You can't blame anyone except yourself... but, you can tell her that you thought it would just be X, Y and Z people on the trip.

Next time (if you're up for a next time!), make sure to set parameters as soon as you propose a trip.

Did you actually mean bed-sharing or room-sharing? There is no way I'm sharing a bed with anyone, OP. I'd rather go to a less luxurious hotel and have my own bed, if not my own room. Just saying. Maybe that factored into people's preferences for a cheaper place...

Me again. I meant to say, you can tell her that you'd planned on paying for her and her sister, but not anyone else. Just to be clear that you're not paying for the extra people's hotel rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My friend went on a recent birthday milestone trip for a friend where she invited people from various times of her life on a trip. My friend said she had to room with 3 other people, only 1 she knew 20 years ago. She said bill splitting for a large group was horrible.

So ask her what she wants to do. Say “do you want to go just us to the Four Seasons? Or do you want to go with a bigger group to the Super 8 Motel? Your lodging is my birthday gift to you either way, so don’t worry about cost- I’ll either pay for us split a room at Four Seasons or for us each to get our own rooms at the Super 8, and then the other women can worry about bill splitting amongst themselves for their rooms because you’re right that sounds like a headache. Either trip sounds so fun and I’m so excited to celebrate your 70th with you!” Done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$1k to $2k a night? That is insane. I would feel worse for you if it was the other way round. If you can afford that, you can afford to pay for your own room and hers at a cheaper place.

But OP doesn't WANT to. OP sounds like such a whiny person. Either she thinks she's better than everyone because she has more money or she thinks because she has more money she gets to control everything. Either way, she sounds miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put your 1-2K towards a nice airbnb and then everyone can stay together in something that isn't below you. The others can chip in or pay for meals or contribute in other ways.

Or suck it up, save money, and stay where they can afford.

Just because you have money doesn't mean you get to take all the power, control, and decision making.

I think this is the way. Unless you can find a hotel suite that will accomodate everyone that you can subsidize. Others can pay however much per night the cheaper room was going to cost.

[Anonymous]

Very few Americans can afford $2000 a night for a hotel room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

And if things fall apart then go back to your original plans. Maybe try not to sound like you think you're better than everyone else. Just a suggestion

[Anonymous]

You are using black and white thinking. Learn to be more flexible and see the other side of things.

[Anonymous]

I'm confused exactly what the friend is proposing?

A) Is she suggesting that, instead of you paying 1k-2k a night for a fancy room for you, your friend, and her sister, she instead wants you to spend the same amount of money for more people at a cheaper hotel? That's not cool if so.

B) If she is saying, hey, why don't we stay together in a room at a cheaper hotel (and you pay) and then my friends can get rooms and pay for themselves...that's a different story. I can understand your disappointment.

A would piss me off. You shouldn't have to foot the bill at a cheap hotel you dont want to stay in for a bunch of people yo dont know.

B is do-able. You could still rent the nice room for yourself and friend could either stay with you or at the cheaper hotel. Or you stay at cheaper hotel with friend.

But no, you should not have to pay for lots of people you don't know to stay at a cheaper hotel you dont like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

And if things fall apart then go back to your original plans. Maybe try not to sound like you think you're better than everyone else. Just a suggestion

I have literally said nothing besides write on here right now. I don’t know these people at all. I have suggested nothing about hotels or itinerary. I will let my friend choose. She is a very thoughtful and kind person.

At this time, various dates and details are just getting thrown around and we can’t find a date that works for everyone. It is hard enough to plan a dinner with my friends in the same local area or same country. We are dealing with 4 countries on 3 continents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

She does want to go on the trip.

We talked about a trip with the kids. We talked about domestic and international trips. I asked her what SHE wanted to do for her own birthday and she chose this trip, the same trip we talked about before she was divorced. I think she is losing steam with all the different people. I’m not leading so she may be thinking about costs.

And while it isn’t MY milestone birthday, the trip falls closer to my birthday than hers.