Traveling with good friend and her friends I don’t know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell my friend "yeah this is becoming too unwieldy with all these extra people and their schedules, so I'm going to pass, but my offer to treat YOU to a spa weekend at the Four Seasons (or whatever it i) still stands if you'd like to do that instead or in addition to."

If I bail, the trip would be cancelled.

I wish we could have had all the detailed ironed out before she started inviting others. My friend is a few years older than me so many of her friends are turning 50 this year so naturally they want to celebrate together.

It just happens to be that the date of the trip is closer to my actual birthday so this would be my birthday trip too. That’s why DH is fine with my going all out. Now I can’t even go all out.

I don't understand why the trip would necessarily be canceled if you bailed? Why can't your friend and her friends still plan whatever trip they want? And if it did get canceled, so what? You can renew your offer to treat your friend to a one-on-one luxury weekend or do the luxury weekend with your DH instead.

You obviously aren't going to enjoy traveling with a large group of women you don't even know (no snark, I wouldn't either) so bail and move on.

I agree with this poster. First you say you’re the one planning, then you say the other women are talking logistics and you’re staying silent, yet somehow they’d stop planning if you backed out? Even though right now you’re staying out of it already? Just say this particular trip probably won’t work for you with all the moving parts and that you hope they have a great time. Then separately reach out to your friend and apologize for how unwieldy everything had gotten and renew your offer to take her on a trip just the two of you, at a later date (or a sooner date) if she wants

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

She does want to go on the trip.

We talked about a trip with the kids. We talked about domestic and international trips. I asked her what SHE wanted to do for her own birthday and she chose this trip, the same trip we talked about before she was divorced. I think she is losing steam with all the different people. I’m not leading so she may be thinking about costs.

And while it isn’t MY milestone birthday, the trip falls closer to my birthday than hers.

Ok AND......

Good Lord you don't come across very good in your posts OP

Someone said it was her birthday, not mine. I was just saying that the trip is closer to my birthday than hers. If it matters, it was planned to celebrate our birthdays together.

You said you havent nailed down dates yet due to work and child care conflicts in this large group, so how do you know it’s going to be closer to your birthday than hers? Get your story straight before you troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell my friend "yeah this is becoming too unwieldy with all these extra people and their schedules, so I'm going to pass, but my offer to treat YOU to a spa weekend at the Four Seasons (or whatever it i) still stands if you'd like to do that instead or in addition to."

If I bail, the trip would be cancelled.

I wish we could have had all the detailed ironed out before she started inviting others. My friend is a few years older than me so many of her friends are turning 50 this year so naturally they want to celebrate together.

It just happens to be that the date of the trip is closer to my actual birthday so this would be my birthday trip too. That’s why DH is fine with my going all out. Now I can’t even go all out.

I don't understand why the trip would necessarily be canceled if you bailed? Why can't your friend and her friends still plan whatever trip they want? And if it did get canceled, so what? You can renew your offer to treat your friend to a one-on-one luxury weekend or do the luxury weekend with your DH instead.

You obviously aren't going to enjoy traveling with a large group of women you don't even know (no snark, I wouldn't either) so bail and move on.

I have 3 kids. I can’t just go on a large international trip solo anytime. I want to go on this trip. Think far place like Australia or South Africa, once in a lifetime trip. We are going to a place that many people have never been to but always wanted to go.

My friend is not a luxury spa type person. We actually considered going to Mexico or the Caribbean but I told her we can do that anytime.

So then GO! And stay at your own lodging if you want to, in the same location. You guys are 50 and planning on sharing rooms? No thanks. I’m only 40 and on the few group trips I’ve done, we got our own rooms and YES one time a few people stayed in a different hotel due to time/ cost constraints and no one cared.

[Anonymous]

OP is it a safari? (Just curious - this is my hope for my 50th!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

She does want to go on the trip.

We talked about a trip with the kids. We talked about domestic and international trips. I asked her what SHE wanted to do for her own birthday and she chose this trip, the same trip we talked about before she was divorced. I think she is losing steam with all the different people. I’m not leading so she may be thinking about costs.

And while it isn’t MY milestone birthday, the trip falls closer to my birthday than hers.

Ok AND......

Good Lord you don't come across very good in your posts OP

Someone said it was her birthday, not mine. I was just saying that the trip is closer to my birthday than hers. If it matters, it was planned to celebrate our birthdays together.

You’re changing the facts.

I’m not changing facts. I’m adding details.

Friend’s sister lives in a different country. When she visited a few years ago, she planted the seed that we should go on a big trip for my friend’s 50th. We threw out some ideas and narrowed it down to a country the three of us wanted to go to. We finally got to talking dates and details and my friend (and her sister) picked a date that was a few days from my birthday. They both said we can celebrate my birthday together.

I am assuming what happened was that my friend has other friends who also discussed and wanted to do something and my friend either invited or they invited themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is okay to want a trip with just your friend and to be willing to pay for that trip. You do not need to participate in that other birthday trip. You can also do both. But they are not the same trip. Better to distinguish them in your mind.

The other trip could be really fun but will definitely be more unweildy. You may be the one person who is only close with the birthday friend. That can be fun or not depending on the other friends. You know yourself. Decide what you are up for.

My friend is newly divorced and this is her 50th birthday. She has not done anything for herself for a long time and this trip was planned with my urging (and offering to pay).

Everyone lives in a different city or country. Everyone has a different budget and preference. Now people are adding work conflicts and kid birthdays. I am beginning to think this trip isn’t even going to happen. I have just been quiet.

Does your friend even want this trip? If it was planned only at your “urging” and also offering to pay? And now she’s hemming and hawing about doing something different? I think it’s fine to back out of the large group trip with people you don’t know - or let them muddle around planning it and then attend once it’s planned- and still offer to take your friend away for a night separately. But to be honest it doesn’t sound like your friend really wants that. You’ve been trying to urge and convince her to stay at a fancy hotel with you, on your dime, for 2 years or something?? I don’t think she wants to do it.

She does want to go on the trip.

We talked about a trip with the kids. We talked about domestic and international trips. I asked her what SHE wanted to do for her own birthday and she chose this trip, the same trip we talked about before she was divorced. I think she is losing steam with all the different people. I’m not leading so she may be thinking about costs.

And while it isn’t MY milestone birthday, the trip falls closer to my birthday than hers.

Ok AND......

Good Lord you don't come across very good in your posts OP

Someone said it was her birthday, not mine. I was just saying that the trip is closer to my birthday than hers. If it matters, it was planned to celebrate our birthdays together.

You said you havent nailed down dates yet due to work and child care conflicts in this large group, so how do you know it’s going to be closer to your birthday than hers? Get your story straight before you troll

Why would I troll about this?

My friend, her sister and I nailed down a month. I am most flexible with dates. The extra friends are the ones who are going back and forth with my friend and her sister about dates. Everyone is throwing out ideas except me because I already discussed ideas with my friend and her sister in person.

[Anonymous]

You lost this troll attempt at 2k per night room. $500 maybe, but only an idiot would spend 2k. If you indeed can afford 2k then you can also afford to pay for a travel planner or rent a house. But you’ll still be in mom’s basement dreaming about your wild African Safari in your 2k room on your birthday that you planned for your fake friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost this troll attempt at 2k per night room. $500 maybe, but only an idiot would spend 2k. If you indeed can afford 2k then you can also afford to pay for a travel planner or rent a house. But you’ll still be in mom’s basement dreaming about your wild African Safari in your 2k room on your birthday that you planned for your fake friend.

Have you looked at any hotels in any decent area for winter break, spring break or summer post covid? I was just talking to friends about how a Fairfax inn in nyc costs $800. Ocean city MD will cost you $500. What kind of hotel costs only $500. Inflation is probably highest for high demand travel.

[Anonymous]

Can't you just have a heart to heart with your friend: "Larla, I thought the plan was to celebrate our birthdays together, just us and your sister, in the Australian Outback in September. Your unilaterally inviting a bunch of people I don't know is making me feel like a third wheel and, more importantly, overcomplicating the logistics. Would you be willing to stick with the original plan or at least set a date in September and whoever can make it, makes it?"

[Anonymous]

A part of me really sympathizes because if you've been planning and imagining a trip with a friend for two years you probably have a pretty good idea of what it would look like in your head. For me, that kind of change of both the setting and adding in people I don't know would add a huge amount stress and certainly be disappointing. If you and your friend talked about a luxury suite and hanging around your hotel's spa all day and the new friends want to stay at the holiday inn and do tourist activities it will be a very different trip.

BUT it's a trip for your friend's birthday and she is open to different ideas than you had in mind and she wants different people to come so you have to find a way to move on. She even asked you before inviting others - that was the time to tell her your thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you just have a heart to heart with your friend: "Larla, I thought the plan was to celebrate our birthdays together, just us and your sister, in the Australian Outback in September. Your unilaterally inviting a bunch of people I don't know is making me feel like a third wheel and, more importantly, overcomplicating the logistics. Would you be willing to stick with the original plan or at least set a date in September and whoever can make it, makes it?"

I think she already knows the whole situation is out of control and probably regrets trying to coordinate multiple people from different countries on a big international trip.

I have other friends who want to plan something and I am holding them up because of this friend’s trip. I can’t swing two solo trips in one year. I don’t want to ditch the 50th trip.

[Anonymous]

You're a self involved whiner. I suggest you take your self on a solo trip.

[Anonymous]

I would not spend that much per night nor share a bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A part of me really sympathizes because if you've been planning and imagining a trip with a friend for two years you probably have a pretty good idea of what it would look like in your head. For me, that kind of change of both the setting and adding in people I don't know would add a huge amount stress and certainly be disappointing. If you and your friend talked about a luxury suite and hanging around your hotel's spa all day and the new friends want to stay at the holiday inn and do tourist activities it will be a very different trip.

BUT it's a trip for your friend's birthday and she is open to different ideas than you had in mind and she wants different people to come so you have to find a way to move on. She even asked you before inviting others - that was the time to tell her your thoughts.

The way it was worded was that she invited her childhood friend and hope that it was ok. Then another 2 were added. Yes, this trip is turning into something very different than what I expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just tell my friend "yeah this is becoming too unwieldy with all these extra people and their schedules, so I'm going to pass, but my offer to treat YOU to a spa weekend at the Four Seasons (or whatever it i) still stands if you'd like to do that instead or in addition to."

This