If you went to top schools but your kids are attending a lower tier, are you worried about downward mobility?

[Anonymous]

My nephews lost both of their parents at an early age. The parents left large life insurance policies, which they will get after 30 {game the college funding system} that have been invested for top growth. They are literally sitting on millions. They could drop out of high school and still own a nice home and boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will they though?

They are going to have a start by their parents' $. Downpayments, inheritance, maybe even a property. Some may even head to a family business or firm.

My husband and I are wealthier than our parents. He was poor. I was middle class, no inheritance or help with down payment, kid tuition type stuff.

We have investment properties. We have a large nest egg. We set them up with Roth IRAs, etc.

My firstborn is actually at an Ivy. First in the family--but his choice of major was up to him. I had a love of English and Science and my dad (stem himself) heavily suggested I take the science route. Both my kids love history and politics and international relations. They have the security of $ to be able to explore fields of passion and interest.

My husband and I had more of a fear of raising 'lazy' or entitled kids since they are growing up with a level of $ we did not. My kids never thought we had $. They have always had jobs and work hard at their sport and in school. Neither are partiers. They are also grateful and thank us if we drive them somewhere or go out to dinner, etc.

So your kid is not at a “lower tier school” but an Ivy.

??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you handling the real possibility of your kids experiencing downward mobility?

If you went to top schools and are living in a neighborhood/area/house and have a lifestyle similar to the t20->t6->big law partner path or an analogous path in your sector and your kid is going to Clemson, are they aware of the much narrower chance for them to have the same lifestyle as you

Every affluent parent that grew up poor is at least a little bit worried about this, regardless of the school their kids go to.

If that affluent parent went to a top college and attributes their success to going to that top college, the anxiety multiplies if their kid goes to a mid college.

Parents worry, it's what we do.

A popular concept among a lot of affluent parents is "grit" (sticktoitivity, toughness, guts, drive, etc.) Letting your kids fail so they can learn to get up again. And not fail in meaningless situations. Fail when it means something, at least to the kid.

But too may parents can't seem to let their kids fail when there is anything m3eaningful at stake. Then college comes around and a lot of kids don;'t get in where they wanted and they don't have the emotional fortitude to recover from that "failure"

Give us an example of how you let your kid fail when it meant something.

DP. I turned my own kid in for cheating in 5th grade. Never helped with homework after 4th grade, never knew when tests were and if they did not study then they did poorly and learned from it. This was a strict Episcopal school with difficult short answer essays and open-ended math problems on tests. They got into the top magnet/gov school because they learned integrity and preparation matters. At an ivy now.
And yes, per the PP, I am formerly poor, now rich, went to a non-ivy elite that I credit with getting me to where I am today. I pushed them. Not full tiger mom but pushy and demanding they be their best. Our second one does not have the same raw intelligence but I have pushed them too and it is looking highly likely will have some T25-30 options based on where they fall on SCOIR (different high school: needed private to be able to get in the top10%).

[Anonymous]

My kid is much happier, better organized and generally has his s*** together more than I ever did. He'll probably not get into my ivy, but he'll get into a good LAC and be more successful than I ever was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you handling the real possibility of your kids experiencing downward mobility?

If you went to top schools and are living in a neighborhood/area/house and have a lifestyle similar to the t20->t6->big law partner path or an analogous path in your sector and your kid is going to Clemson, are they aware of the much narrower chance for them to have the same lifestyle as you

Every affluent parent that grew up poor is at least a little bit worried about this, regardless of the school their kids go to.

If that affluent parent went to a top college and attributes their success to going to that top college, the anxiety multiplies if their kid goes to a mid college.

Parents worry, it's what we do.

A popular concept among a lot of affluent parents is "grit" (sticktoitivity, toughness, guts, drive, etc.) Letting your kids fail so they can learn to get up again. And not fail in meaningless situations. Fail when it means something, at least to the kid.

But too may parents can't seem to let their kids fail when there is anything m3eaningful at stake. Then college comes around and a lot of kids don;'t get in where they wanted and they don't have the emotional fortitude to recover from that "failure"

Give us an example of how you let your kid fail when it meant something.

DP. I turned my own kid in for cheating in 5th grade. Never helped with homework after 4th grade, never knew when tests were and if they did not study then they did poorly and learned from it. This was a strict Episcopal school with difficult short answer essays and open-ended math problems on tests. They got into the top magnet/gov school because they learned integrity and preparation matters. At an ivy now.
And yes, per the PP, I am formerly poor, now rich, went to a non-ivy elite that I credit with getting me to where I am today. I pushed them. Not full tiger mom but pushy and demanding they be their best. Our second one does not have the same raw intelligence but I have pushed them too and it is looking highly likely will have some T25-30 options based on where they fall on SCOIR (different high school: needed private to be able to get in the top10%).

Then how does the OP’s question apply to you and your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't worry because they will have advantages that we did not have: NO student loans (staying in state, with merit and 529 covering all of it), and we will be able to help them with a down payment for a home.

Fine if UVA or William and Mary. Guessing not, though? How could you not be worried?

DP. Worried about what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't worry because they will have advantages that we did not have: NO student loans (staying in state, with merit and 529 covering all of it), and we will be able to help them with a down payment for a home.

Fine if UVA or William and Mary. Guessing not, though? How could you not be worried?

I'm not in VA, so not sure what you mean here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't worry because they will have advantages that we did not have: NO student loans (staying in state, with merit and 529 covering all of it), and we will be able to help them with a down payment for a home.

Fine if UVA or William and Mary. Guessing not, though? How could you not be worried?

DP. Worried about what?

Worried about their futures, worried about what others think, worried about how they'll be perceived, worried about peer group, worried about the financial viability of institutions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't worry because they will have advantages that we did not have: NO student loans (staying in state, with merit and 529 covering all of it), and we will be able to help them with a down payment for a home.

Fine if UVA or William and Mary. Guessing not, though? How could you not be worried?

I'm not in VA, so not sure what you mean here.

If you're not in VA and going to one of those two or in MD going to UMDCP, you're making a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't worry because they will have advantages that we did not have: NO student loans (staying in state, with merit and 529 covering all of it), and we will be able to help them with a down payment for a home.

Fine if UVA or William and Mary. Guessing not, though? How could you not be worried?

DP. Worried about what?

Worried about their futures, worried about what others think, worried about how they'll be perceived, worried about peer group, worried about the financial viability of institutions

We are a HNW family with our first looking at Va Tech, JMU, and VCU (in addition to UVA and W&M, one of which my DH and I both went to) and, no, we are not worried in the least about any of that. How completely ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't worry because they will have advantages that we did not have: NO student loans (staying in state, with merit and 529 covering all of it), and we will be able to help them with a down payment for a home.

Fine if UVA or William and Mary. Guessing not, though? How could you not be worried?

DP. Worried about what?

Worried about their futures, worried about what others think, worried about how they'll be perceived, worried about peer group, worried about the financial viability of institutions

We are a HNW family with our first looking at Va Tech, JMU, and VCU (in addition to UVA and W&M, one of which my DH and I both went to) and, no, we are not worried in the least about any of that. How completely ridiculous.

Why go so low in terms of peer quality just to stay in state? Are you just really cash poor or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you handling the real possibility of your kids experiencing downward mobility?

If you went to top schools and are living in a neighborhood/area/house and have a lifestyle similar to the t20->t6->big law partner path or an analogous path in your sector and your kid is going to Clemson, are they aware of the much narrower chance for them to have the same lifestyle as you

Oh look. Another post intended to stoke anxiety via elitism, just with a new angle. Have never seen this before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at an expensive boarding school, so obviously there is selection bias there. We also have a summer home in a wealthy east coast town. The vast majority who are very wealthy, care very much about what school their child attends. It’s not accurate to make these generalizations that very wealthy people don’t care. Unless, it is just an east coast thing.

It is more common on the east coast.

Tell that to my wealthy friends in Arizona and California. They now think I am an admissions expert because my kid is at an Ivy. They have Seniors and were lighting up my email and phone all summer and Fall. It's untrue the West Coast doesn't care. Palo Alto public HS had the highest suicide rates from the stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you handling the real possibility of your kids experiencing downward mobility?

If you went to top schools and are living in a neighborhood/area/house and have a lifestyle similar to the t20->t6->big law partner path or an analogous path in your sector and your kid is going to Clemson, are they aware of the much narrower chance for them to have the same lifestyle as you

How ridiculous. Kids from schools outside the t20 get into top law schools all the time. If a school has a 1450 median SAT (yes, during test optional) there are many who have the chops for t14s. Agree that Clemson is quite low, though.

[Anonymous]

Propaganda disguised as a question.