If you went to top schools but your kids are attending a lower tier, are you worried about downward mobility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at an expensive boarding school, so obviously there is selection bias there. We also have a summer home in a wealthy east coast town. The vast majority who are very wealthy, care very much about what school their child attends. It’s not accurate to make these generalizations that very wealthy people don’t care. Unless, it is just an east coast thing.

The stories about very wealthy people paying outlandish sums to college counselors and donating huge amounts of money clearly shows that very wealthy people do care where their kids go to college.

There are lots of wealthy people. Some care. Some do not care at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are you handling the real possibility of your kids experiencing downward mobility?

If you went to top schools and are living in a neighborhood/area/house and have a lifestyle similar to the t20->t6->big law partner path or an analogous path in your sector and your kid is going to Clemson, are they aware of the much narrower chance for them to have the same lifestyle as you

Every affluent parent that grew up poor is at least a little bit worried about this, regardless of the school their kids go to.

If that affluent parent went to a top college and attributes their success to going to that top college, the anxiety multiplies if their kid goes to a mid college.

Parents worry, it's what we do.

A popular concept among a lot of affluent parents is "grit" (sticktoitivity, toughness, guts, drive, etc.) Letting your kids fail so they can learn to get up again. And not fail in meaningless situations. Fail when it means something, at least to the kid.

But too may parents can't seem to let their kids fail when there is anything m3eaningful at stake. Then college comes around and a lot of kids don;'t get in where they wanted and they don't have the emotional fortitude to recover from that "failure"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How are you handling the real possibility of your kids experiencing downward mobility?

If you went to top schools and are living in a neighborhood/area/house and have a lifestyle similar to the t20->t6->big law partner path or an analogous path in your sector and your kid is going to Clemson, are they aware of the much narrower chance for them to have the same lifestyle as you

Every affluent parent that grew up poor is at least a little bit worried about this, regardless of the school their kids go to.

If that affluent parent went to a top college and attributes their success to going to that top college, the anxiety multiplies if their kid goes to a mid college.

Parents worry, it's what we do.

A popular concept among a lot of affluent parents is "grit" (sticktoitivity, toughness, guts, drive, etc.) Letting your kids fail so they can learn to get up again. And not fail in meaningless situations. Fail when it means something, at least to the kid.

But too may parents can't seem to let their kids fail when there is anything m3eaningful at stake. Then college comes around and a lot of kids don;'t get in where they wanted and they don't have the emotional fortitude to recover from that "failure"

Give us an example of how you let your kid fail when it meant something.

[Anonymous]

Most of us should assume that our kids will have downward mobility based on Elizabeth Warren's two income trap. Higher housing, taxes, and health will be crippling for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at an expensive boarding school, so obviously there is selection bias there. We also have a summer home in a wealthy east coast town. The vast majority who are very wealthy, care very much about what school their child attends. It’s not accurate to make these generalizations that very wealthy people don’t care. Unless, it is just an east coast thing.

It is more common on the east coast.

[Anonymous]

It funny that you chose Clemson as my DD may very well end up there.
I figure that each generation does down a notch in college.
My dad went to Yale
I went to Bowdoin
Kids are at Lehigh and possibly Clemson or big state school.

We are wealthy and white and it seems like all of our friends' families have similar trajectories. Not sure how it will play out socio-economically, but I am not too worried

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It funny that you chose Clemson as my DD may very well end up there.
I figure that each generation does down a notch in college.
My dad went to Yale
I went to Bowdoin
Kids are at Lehigh and possibly Clemson or big state school.

We are wealthy and white and it seems like all of our friends' families have similar trajectories. Not sure how it will play out socio-economically, but I am not too worried

Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in four generations instead of three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is at an expensive boarding school, so obviously there is selection bias there. We also have a summer home in a wealthy east coast town. The vast majority who are very wealthy, care very much about what school their child attends. It’s not accurate to make these generalizations that very wealthy people don’t care. Unless, it is just an east coast thing.

The stories about very wealthy people paying outlandish sums to college counselors and donating huge amounts of money clearly shows that very wealthy people do care where their kids go to college.

They may care for ego reasons, but they don't for downward mobility which is the subject of this thread. They already have contacts at all the right schools K-12, college won't add much more than bragging rights. These truly well off kids have sizeable trust funds so they could just live off "mailbox money" for life and experience zero downward mobility.

[Anonymous]

We don't worry because they will have advantages that we did not have: NO student loans (staying in state, with merit and 529 covering all of it), and we will be able to help them with a down payment for a home.

[Anonymous]

Ha. No. You are nuts. Fancy schools or no fancy schools. These things are not as predictive as you think.

[Anonymous]

Wife and I are both federal employees of different stripes and believe that if our kids get to a certain plateau of educational attainment they'll be able to gain access to the career ladder and climb to where they feel like they are comfortable.

This includes assumptions about career mobility, affordability, consumer behaviors, and a number of other things, but it also builds in some of our own family experience. We saw our parents (fathers) work too much, be stressed, not available, and see peers who are grinding too hard. All to get things that wife and I do not value. In the last generation, some of this was to build up to a permanency in the middle class: home ownership, car ownership, a retirement pension, etc. But not all of it.

We could max out at work and consumption and offer our children "better" - personally, we could live in Potomac, send our kids to private school, travel a lot, give them cars, then on to max-loan "best" college, etc. Instead we live quietly, work 40 hour a week jobs, see all our kids' games and aren't stressed about work at home.

I don't see downshifting and avoiding the rat race as downward mobility. It's my hope that our kids get a reasonably good credential, reasonably good jobs, work only as hard as they want to, and enjoy their lives.

[Anonymous]

No one cares about colleges anymore for people over 25.

Want to be a Big 4 Partner need a CPA and be able to sell. Can graduate Trump University they dont care.

Want to work a start up. Can graduate Stony Brook or Towson, no one cares if you are good.

Years ago I was doing work at Merril Lynch and had opportunity to meet their then CEO. He joked al the traders and investment bankers all now need IVY league degress, yet he went to St. Johns University in Queens, he said I guess only job non IVY League people are qualified for at Merril Lynch is CEO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't worry because they will have advantages that we did not have: NO student loans (staying in state, with merit and 529 covering all of it), and we will be able to help them with a down payment for a home.

Fine if UVA or William and Mary. Guessing not, though? How could you not be worried?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't worry because they will have advantages that we did not have: NO student loans (staying in state, with merit and 529 covering all of it), and we will be able to help them with a down payment for a home.

Fine if UVA or William and Mary. Guessing not, though? How could you not be worried?

I'd be interested to know how recent grads from UVA and W&M have been doing. Are your kids "suitably" employed, underemployed, or unemployed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't worry because they will have advantages that we did not have: NO student loans (staying in state, with merit and 529 covering all of it), and we will be able to help them with a down payment for a home.

Fine if UVA or William and Mary. Guessing not, though? How could you not be worried?

Kid went to GMU - no loans, cs job and supporting himself. What is to worry about? Better to focus on mental and physical health of family, not keeping up with the Joneses.