Do you regret allowing your adult children to live at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to let your adult children be adults while living in your home. My advice is do not let them use a family car as they need their own or to use public transit. Or do let them use the car on a set schedule to support work or other agreed on activities and do not ‘parent’ them by telling them it is too unsafe to use the car. That determination is up to them. As an adult there should be no ‘getting their way’ fights. The adult can come and go as they please. They can use what ever you have agreed is a communal resource in the manner you have decided ahead of time. If you have rules they need to follow them or you give them a month to move out. No need for power struggles with an adult. Let them live their life in your house and do not monitor and do not set ‘child like’ rules. Do enforce agreed on boundaries/rules by having the adult move out if they can not follow these rules. But do keep the rules around possessions and treatment of the home not their schedule or behavior. You do not want to fall into the role of parenting an adult as if they were a child. Telling them what is safe and unsafe driving conditions is treating them like a child.

If you want to let them become adults, give them three months after college graduation to get their own place. Mine aren't moving home and driving my car after I pay for a $380k education.

Super smart. You already spent so much money, the most important thing now is to spend more money.

No. At some point you have to close your wallet and give your adult kids space to become adults.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, young adults need to get out on their own and not be a failure to launch. They should be struggling and trying to make it as an independent adult. They also need a sex life and privacy.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Infantilizing grown adults in name of saving rent to live in childhood bedrooms isn't a great service to them. Let them grow independently in life.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t mind if DS lived here for a year or two post college but he’d need to pay for his own car/ins/phone and pay me “rent” to save for a down payment. It’s a waste to move right out into an apartment and throw money at rent if you don’t have to do that (*I* moved out at 18 and never went back so I know of what I speak). DS is a good kid who’s easy going so I wouldn’t mind.

[Anonymous]

It depends.

Some people are nice to live with. Some aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can only do it for 6 months. That was our limit. 6.5 months later he moved out.

I definitely like setting a date. I’ll probably give my kid (graduating college this year) one year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does everyone believe parent should buy a car for adult child when they graduate from college?
or before they turn 18?

Car is expensive, how these adult chidden get their first car?

We gave both of our sons a new cars. One at 17 and the other at 18. (They needed them at different times).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Infantilizing grown adults in name of saving rent to live in childhood bedrooms isn't a great service to them. Let them grow independently in life.

That's a very American way of thinking. Plenty of adults in other cultures manage to mature while still living at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had always figured on allowing our college aged children to live at home to save money after graduation. One of them is difficult to live with, though, when he doesn’t get his way. Gives us the silent treatment when we don’t let him take the car in unsafe conditions, etc. It’s making me think twice about letting him stay at home if that’s how he’s going to act. Did you regret allowing your kids to live at home?

OMG I am in the same situation. I am an only parent, and my DD (20) lives at home when she is home from university. She thinks she can have access to my car whenever she wants. I pay for the insurance and her phone. She is so ungrateful, and is so mean towards me for whatever unresolved anger issues she has towards me. Being an only parent was not my fault. Her dad is on disability for mental illness. He was abusive. I have paid for everything without his support. I can’t wait until she moves out.

She likely has mental illness as well. Did you ever have her evaluated when. she was under 18?

[Anonymous]

my neighbor is 40 and still at home.

[Anonymous]

My oldest kids move out, but I would've okay with my 50 or 60 year old living at home if they never want to move out. They will have the house and I will gone one day, so maybe when they are in 60s or 70s they are livinG AWAy