“Boy mom”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am technically a boy mom though I don't use that phrase but aren't you reading something into it that's not there?
I think there is an element of wistfulness there. When I pictured being a mother I admit I pictured a little girl a lot like myself. Motherhood has been completely different with boys though of course wonderful! So I think there's a "making your own happiness" component to that.
There is no "mom of both" identity because those people are considered to have the ideal situation.
There is also a whole girl-mom social scene that the moms of boys are completely left out of. My kids have their few best friends and I see those moms but we never get together in big groups the way the girls seem to.

There's also no "girl mom" or "boy dad" identity, it's a thing specific to opposite gender parents, and mostly women not men; self-conscious "girl dads" are way less common than "boy moms." I'm not sure what that says about people that identify this way (I don't and I'm a dad of one girl, so I COULD), but I think it's more than just "one of each is ideal."

I think "girl mom" and "boy dad" are very much identities, but they're so ingrained they barely register.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why all the boy hate?

No one hates boys.

Moms of boys = great parents, nice people, on top of things, parent their kids. Teach their sons about consent, being a good friend and family member, respecting themselves and women, taking care of themselves and their partners/friends/family.

#BoyMoms = make excuses for bad behavior, “he’s just being a boy,” no discipline, no parenting, go on and on about they have to protect their sons from predatory girls like, LOL. Expect their sons’ partners or wives to do and be everything, like buy presents holidays, send flowers for Mother’s Day, call to check in, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Mom of boys,” you’re fine.

“BOY MOM,” you are annoying and think your son does literally no wrong.

“He’s all boy,” I will punch you in the tit.

+ 1. "Boy mom" makes it sound as if you're a mom who is also a boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am technically a boy mom though I don't use that phrase but aren't you reading something into it that's not there?
I think there is an element of wistfulness there. When I pictured being a mother I admit I pictured a little girl a lot like myself. Motherhood has been completely different with boys though of course wonderful! So I think there's a "making your own happiness" component to that.
There is no "mom of both" identity because those people are considered to have the ideal situation.
There is also a whole girl-mom social scene that the moms of boys are completely left out of. My kids have their few best friends and I see those moms but we never get together in big groups the way the girls seem to.

I agree with a lot of what you said — I also envisioned motherhood based on my childhood as a sweet dance and craft loving little girl and then ended up with 2 boys. I’ve had to lean into it somewhat and accept that their interests (at least as of elementary school) involve a lot of physical stuff like wrestling around on a trampoline and shooting Nerf guns (we call them blasters). So I get how the whole “boy mom” identity may have started as a means to embrace the chaos of boys (especially when they’re with a big group).

I think the problem is that some weird moms took it to social media and started posting TikToks to the effect of “I’ll always be the most important woman in his life” or other creepy love song lyrics that should not apply to a mom/son. It’s the same distinction as the “girl dads” who embrace letting their daughters paint their nails vs the creepy ones who threaten dates with a shot gun and buy purity rings.

But on the topic of moms and socializing I actually feel like there is a huge group of boy moms at my kids’ school that get together. A lot of us have spent a lot of time together on the sidelines of basketball/soccer/baseball/flag football games. We have big text chains and meet up just adults or with families, especially those of us with multiple boys so there is sibling friend cross-over.

I do feel like the girl moms operate in a separate universe though. I barely know any of them because we just don’t cross paths. Maybe someday our kids will interact .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get the term in the sense of why does everything needs to be branded with a catch phrase these days? It’s not enough to be a mom and to say “I have two boys.” Everything had to be a hashtagable phrase that can be printed on moms beach trucker hat or her wine-o-clock glasses.

I guess I don’t understand how being a boy mom is different from being a mom????

Exactly. It's a dumb term and shouldn't be perpetuated. It IS rather like "wine-o-clock" in its tackiness.

I am from a girl-heavy family in my generation. And a family with a matriarchal setup full of women educators and specialists in early childhood and elementary ed. But all of those in my generation who have kids have coincidentally had boys.

I see how boys are a poor fit for how today's elementary schools are structured. But I think it's still workable and boys can still succeed. People just need to be less rigid at times. More recess, and fewer navel-gazing english assignments would go far. Also, my boys seem less interested in narrative play and educational toys than the girls in my family were. But that's not critical to my experience of parenting.

The boymom term opens mothers to more stereotyping and disdain. For example, on DCUM, people have pretty much said that boymoms excuse male misbehavior and rape culture. Nobody needs this dubious distinction of being a #boymom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the boy hate?

No one hates boys.

Moms of boys = great parents, nice people, on top of things, parent their kids. Teach their sons about consent, being a good friend and family member, respecting themselves and women, taking care of themselves and their partners/friends/family.

#BoyMoms = make excuses for bad behavior, “he’s just being a boy,” no discipline, no parenting, go on and on about they have to protect their sons from predatory girls like, LOL. Expect their sons’ partners or wives to do and be everything, like buy presents holidays, send flowers for Mother’s Day, call to check in, etc.

No.

The need for people to not understand that you don't need to discipline or manage every single movement of a child love to say #boymoms - #badmoms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Mom of boys,” you’re fine.

“BOY MOM,” you are annoying and think your son does literally no wrong.

“He’s all boy,” I will punch you in the tit.

+1

"Boy mom" is a phrase for "I'm raising the next generation of misogynists". It means you accept worse behavior from them because they have a penis. "Mom of boys" does not carry the same meaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why all the boy hate?

No one hates boys.

Moms of boys = great parents, nice people, on top of things, parent their kids. Teach their sons about consent, being a good friend and family member, respecting themselves and women, taking care of themselves and their partners/friends/family.

#BoyMoms = make excuses for bad behavior, “he’s just being a boy,” no discipline, no parenting, go on and on about they have to protect their sons from predatory girls like, LOL. Expect their sons’ partners or wives to do and be everything, like buy presents holidays, send flowers for Mother’s Day, call to check in, etc.

No.

The need for people to not understand that you don't need to discipline or manage every single movement of a child love to say #boymoms - #badmoms

We’ll go slower. Moms of Boys = great parents who know when to step in, know what behavior is acceptable, know when to let it go and let kids figure things out themselves and let kids explore. What you are describing is a Mom of Boys.

#BoyMoms = see above. I said what I said.

Moms of Boys, we see you and appreciate you and support you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am technically a boy mom though I don't use that phrase but aren't you reading something into it that's not there?
I think there is an element of wistfulness there. When I pictured being a mother I admit I pictured a little girl a lot like myself. Motherhood has been completely different with boys though of course wonderful! So I think there's a "making your own happiness" component to that.
There is no "mom of both" identity because those people are considered to have the ideal situation.
There is also a whole girl-mom social scene that the moms of boys are completely left out of. My kids have their few best friends and I see those moms but we never get together in big groups the way the girls seem to.

I agree with a lot of what you said — I also envisioned motherhood based on my childhood as a sweet dance and craft loving little girl and then ended up with 2 boys. I’ve had to lean into it somewhat and accept that their interests (at least as of elementary school) involve a lot of physical stuff like wrestling around on a trampoline and shooting Nerf guns (we call them blasters). So I get how the whole “boy mom” identity may have started as a means to embrace the chaos of boys (especially when they’re with a big group).

I think the problem is that some weird moms took it to social media and started posting TikToks to the effect of “I’ll always be the most important woman in his life” or other creepy love song lyrics that should not apply to a mom/son. It’s the same distinction as the “girl dads” who embrace letting their daughters paint their nails vs the creepy ones who threaten dates with a shot gun and buy purity rings.

But on the topic of moms and socializing I actually feel like there is a huge group of boy moms at my kids’ school that get together. A lot of us have spent a lot of time together on the sidelines of basketball/soccer/baseball/flag football games. We have big text chains and meet up just adults or with families, especially those of us with multiple boys so there is sibling friend cross-over.

I do feel like the girl moms operate in a separate universe though. I barely know any of them because we just don’t cross paths. Maybe someday our kids will interact .

Hi mom-of-boys! I definitely don't want to be the most important woman in their lives for all eternity! I'd feel like a failure.
I know there is some "boy mom" socializing that revolves around Little League and other sports but I have spawned a series of unathletic nerds so I'm left out of that as well though I do push them to try new things. My oldest seems to be musically inclined so I see the girl moms through that and I hear about all the constant getting together they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 boys. I am a boy mom.

Why not just say Mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boy moms are very sensitive about how special and interesting they are, so they're upset, but you're right.

And girl moms are insecure because they weren't able to produce a boy to carry on the family name so want to diminish "boy moms." Everyone is an AH.

First of all, the man controls the sex so it isn't moms fault at all.

Second, Why would we be insecure over something we cannot control?

Third, girls can keep their family names too

[Anonymous]

Stereotypes are awful. Moms of boys vs. boy moms, FOBs vs bananas, and forget Chris Rock's black people vs monologue. If an individual wants to define themselves a certain way, that's fine. If inside groups or comedians want to have insider conversations, so be it.

But no outsider should be defining stereotypes for the entire world and condemning certain groups without taking into account the individuality within them. We're not thirteen-year-old ignoramuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stereotypes are awful. Moms of boys vs. boy moms, FOBs vs bananas, and forget Chris Rock's black people vs monologue. If an individual wants to define themselves a certain way, that's fine. If inside groups or comedians want to have insider conversations, so be it.

But no outsider should be defining stereotypes for the entire world and condemning certain groups without taking into account the individuality within them. We're not thirteen-year-old ignoramuses.

DP. I also hate it when people on DCUM call me a boymom because of my opinion on one topic. It's so cheap. Before this trendy word, I would not have been labeled.

[Anonymous]

I have three boys and use this term in kind of a joking way because sometimes it does fit a situation— “DS1 only wants one thing for Christmas and it’s a football helmet” or “DS2 hit DS3 with a homemade lightsaber.” I guess the joke is “sometimes my kids fit gender stereotypes and that’s silly.”

I don’t have social media, so this is in talking with my friends.

[Anonymous]

I’m a boy mom. And I’m a girl mom. I find it funny that anyone is so uptight they get upset by those terms.