Hung up on the idea that toxic STBX husband will be the perfect husband for some 25 year old girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it's the sink cost fallacy. You're like the addicted gambler at a slot machine in Vegas. You're worried if you leave the slot machine the next person wins the jackpot.

The house always wins. It's a rigged game

Get up from the slot machine and leave and don't look back.

If a 25 year old saddles up to the slot machine and wins, it's only because the random numbers aligned. It has nothing to do with the investment you already put the in. The odds are stacked against his new 25 year old honey having a winning game.

He will soon be some other woman's problem and not yours.

Haha exactly! I invested 18 years of my life with exH and got 50% of assets and half of his pension in device. The next GF /wife will get bread crumbs from that. Look at Kevin Custer; Mel Gibson exes: the wife who had the longest marriage always wins in the long run. AND doesn’t get to spend her retirement with aging prick for his money. The young shiny thing bears the weight of elderly care and often is short changed after kids etc.

*in divorce, Costner

K.C. was just horrible. He tried to keep all assets in his name, they didn't even own a home together. He kept running to the media releasing horrible stories about her. In a community state regardless of a prenup she did quite well. So well, it was sealed and he finally shut his yapper. Many assets you cannot prenup away like retirement.

Obviously she got something but nearly not as much as his first wife (without a prenup). Not sure you are correct about prenups though - they can protect pensions (make them separate just like any other assets). The only thing prenups can’t regulate is child support which is why Christine fought for it so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what Op, this is my DH. He SUCKED in a major way in his previous marriage and I do not blame her for getting out, not for one second. In this marriage he is the PERFECT man, father, husband, partner, whatever you want to call it, he seriously grew up and did a complete change from his first marriage. We run into his ex often (live in the same area and work in the same industry) and she freely admits to me how jealous she is of what we've got, btw, she's great and has moved on to a slightly older partner and seems happy. But, do you ever get over your first love? No easy answer to that but I wish you luck.

Uh huh, nobody wants your H, possibly not even you for real.

OP, my ex also went younger by 8 years. That woman is miserable but feels stuck. She's a great stepmom though.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it's the sink cost fallacy. You're like the addicted gambler at a slot machine in Vegas. You're worried if you leave the slot machine the next person wins the jackpot.

The house always wins. It's a rigged game

Get up from the slot machine and leave and don't look back.

If a 25 year old saddles up to the slot machine and wins, it's only because the random numbers aligned. It has nothing to do with the investment you already put the in. The odds are stacked against his new 25 year old honey having a winning game.

He will soon be some other woman's problem and not yours.

Haha exactly! I invested 18 years of my life with exH and got 50% of assets and half of his pension in device. The next GF /wife will get bread crumbs from that. Look at Kevin Custer; Mel Gibson exes: the wife who had the longest marriage always wins in the long run. AND doesn’t get to spend her retirement with aging prick for his money. The young shiny thing bears the weight of elderly care and often is short changed after kids etc.

Except if the wife worked and bought all the assets and the abusive husband gets half. Who laughs then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a toxic marriage where my husband has habitually cheated on me along with strategic doses of gaslighting and DARVO to keep me confused and manipulating my deep feelings for him. We never had kids as he stalled and hemmed and hawed. Now I am at the end of my fertility but clinging on...why? The gut wrenching idea that he will turn around and build the family I so wanted with some 25 year old girl after denying it to me for years!

I will probably not survive that...

Anyone who uses the terms "gaslighting and DARVO" really needs to work on themselves before making another person miserable.

It sounds like this was for the best. Get some therapy, probably a better job, and likely a clowder of cats for less threatening companionship.

[Anonymous]

You’ll be ok! My ex had an affair with someone much younger than me. Then he dated and introduced our kids to a gf 10 years younger than me. It was painful, and I had to work through my feelings of jealousy. But I made it, and so will you. He will NOT be the perfect husband for the next woman. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it's the sink cost fallacy. You're like the addicted gambler at a slot machine in Vegas. You're worried if you leave the slot machine the next person wins the jackpot.

The house always wins. It's a rigged game

Get up from the slot machine and leave and don't look back.

If a 25 year old saddles up to the slot machine and wins, it's only because the random numbers aligned. It has nothing to do with the investment you already put the in. The odds are stacked against his new 25 year old honey having a winning game.

He will soon be some other woman's problem and not yours.

Haha exactly! I invested 18 years of my life with exH and got 50% of assets and half of his pension in device. The next GF /wife will get bread crumbs from that. Look at Kevin Custer; Mel Gibson exes: the wife who had the longest marriage always wins in the long run. AND doesn’t get to spend her retirement with aging prick for his money. The young shiny thing bears the weight of elderly care and often is short changed after kids etc.

Except if the wife worked and bought all the assets and the abusive husband gets half. Who laughs then?

Women make less than men, on average. My exH was making $500k vs my $200k, post divorce I’m at $400k thanks to division of income generating assets. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll be ok! My ex had an affair with someone much younger than me. Then he dated and introduced our kids to a gf 10 years younger than me. It was painful, and I had to work through my feelings of jealousy. But I made it, and so will you. He will NOT be the perfect husband for the next woman. Trust me.

Yea. My exH was cheating with a woman 11 years older than me. Now he’s with someone 15 years younger than him (she’s 4 years younger than me). It doesn’t matter - he’s not into any of women really. It’s just a change of scenery and all about HIM.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, well, this happens with some regularity. People feel pressured to get married and they settle. Years later they start realizing they could have done better than land in the less-than-happy marriage they are in and they get resentful. Then they get divorced. They find someone better, and remarry. They are super grateful that they found someone so much better and so behave much better in the second marriage—and it is a happy one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, well, this happens with some regularity. People feel pressured to get married and they settle. Years later they start realizing they could have done better than land in the less-than-happy marriage they are in and they get resentful. Then they get divorced. They find someone better, and remarry. They are super grateful that they found someone so much better and so behave much better in the second marriage—and it is a happy one.

Nope - wishful thinking. They settle each time. Men are narcs they think it’s always the woman who is the problem. Never do their own self-work. They tend to repeat the same cycle. All wives are usually attractive, high achieving etc but it’s always their fault

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it's the sink cost fallacy. You're like the addicted gambler at a slot machine in Vegas. You're worried if you leave the slot machine the next person wins the jackpot.

The house always wins. It's a rigged game

Get up from the slot machine and leave and don't look back.

If a 25 year old saddles up to the slot machine and wins, it's only because the random numbers aligned. It has nothing to do with the investment you already put the in. The odds are stacked against his new 25 year old honey having a winning game.

He will soon be some other woman's problem and not yours.

Haha exactly! I invested 18 years of my life with exH and got 50% of assets and half of his pension in device. The next GF /wife will get bread crumbs from that. Look at Kevin Custer; Mel Gibson exes: the wife who had the longest marriage always wins in the long run. AND doesn’t get to spend her retirement with aging prick for his money. The young shiny thing bears the weight of elderly care and often is short changed after kids etc.

Except if the wife worked and bought all the assets and the abusive husband gets half. Who laughs then?

Women make less than men, on average. My exH was making $500k vs my $200k, post divorce I’m at $400k thanks to division of income generating assets. LOL

The average isn’t always what’s happening, hence “average.” It can go either way in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP it's the sink cost fallacy. You're like the addicted gambler at a slot machine in Vegas. You're worried if you leave the slot machine the next person wins the jackpot.

The house always wins. It's a rigged game

Get up from the slot machine and leave and don't look back.

If a 25 year old saddles up to the slot machine and wins, it's only because the random numbers aligned. It has nothing to do with the investment you already put the in. The odds are stacked against his new 25 year old honey having a winning game.

He will soon be some other woman's problem and not yours.

Haha exactly! I invested 18 years of my life with exH and got 50% of assets and half of his pension in device. The next GF /wife will get bread crumbs from that. Look at Kevin Custer; Mel Gibson exes: the wife who had the longest marriage always wins in the long run. AND doesn’t get to spend her retirement with aging prick for his money. The young shiny thing bears the weight of elderly care and often is short changed after kids etc.

Except if the wife worked and bought all the assets and the abusive husband gets half. Who laughs then?

Women make less than men, on average. My exH was making $500k vs my $200k, post divorce I’m at $400k thanks to division of income generating assets. LOL

The average isn’t always what’s happening, hence “average.” It can go either way in a marriage.

If you are dating men who are making less than you - you are the only one to blame.

[Anonymous]

If you want kids and are still fertile, get out now and get a donor and do it on your own. I don't get why you would want this man to be the father of your kids.

[Anonymous]

Yawn. You and DH both sound horrid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll be ok! My ex had an affair with someone much younger than me. Then he dated and introduced our kids to a gf 10 years younger than me. It was painful, and I had to work through my feelings of jealousy. But I made it, and so will you. He will NOT be the perfect husband for the next woman. Trust me.

You sound bitter. Are you sure you have moved on?