Divorced People: What age were your kids when you divorced? Impact?

[Anonymous]

Pp here - sorry, I was going to write that my friend has been dating her bf for a few years, decided that information was off-topic, but apparently didn’t delete the whole sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They say under 2 and over 22 are the best times to divorce

They don’t know. Youngest was 2 and he has been most affected. Very anxious and I think some of this is because older siblings get all the attention. Plus just has back fourth between houses at very young age. I still remember him bawling because he wanted his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They say under 2 and over 22 are the best times to divorce

They don’t know. Youngest was 2 and he has been most affected. Very anxious and I think some of this is because older siblings get all the attention. Plus just has back fourth between houses at very young age. I still remember him bawling because he wanted his mother.

If you’re going to have joint custody, doing it when the kids are under 5 is really tough on them. For attachment reasons and because kids that young don’t do well with frequent routine/environment changes. It can trigger anxiety especially if they’re prone to it.

If no joint custody, then as early as possible.

Mine were 7 and 11. I would say the older one is more or less adjusted a few months later. Their life is at school, at activities, with friends… the younger one is not totally ok but getting there. They are actually doing much better at school this year. There is occasional anxiety. I set up the schedule so we wouldn’t be separated for longer than a day or two most weeks (we do 2-2-5-5, but with a mid five visit and 1-1 time with each kid on weekends so I get the youngest on his).

I wouldn’t have wanted to split earlier. My ex went off the rails and had major mental health issues. Even so, I’m glad I hung in there an extra gut wrenching year. When we split my youngest was just starting to sleep through consistently without night wakings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

4 and 6 and it went soooo much better than I expected. I wish I would have done it years earlier instead of being miserable.

If you divorced with a 4 year old how many years earlier could you have actually wanted to do it?

DP, but I found out my DH was cheating when I was 6 mos. pregnant with #2. I waited until DC #2 was 18 months, but in retrospect, I should have actually just ended the marriage immediately. i would have had a much healthier last trimester of pregnancy. I could have had someone supportive in the delivery room with me, and I could have enjoyed the first few months bonding with our baby instead of being in perpetual shock and horror from the daily antics of living with a serial liar and cheater.

If you know, you know. I wish I had chosen a healthy life for me and my babies much earlier.

[Anonymous]

I told my wife we were divorcing when my kids were finishing 6th and 3rd grades. We do the 2-2-5-5 thing, and the kids are thriving.

My ex dragged her feet on some things which has made reaching a settlement difficult. But that doesn’t affect the kids. When my ex tried to tell me that I needed to wait a while before introducing them to my girlfriend, I realized I had to assert my rights.

So I went ahead and had my girlfriend swing by when I had the kids, and then we had her over for a bbq. She bought my younger kid an XBox game and recorded TikTok videos with my older one. They love her.

My ex fumes, but who cares. She can’t demonize my girlfriend and I if we define ourselves first. We take the kids on trips my ex can’t afford, and treat them much more lavishly than her.

Ideally my ex will accept being friends with us for the good of the kids. I hope she can stop being petty about it. But if not, the kids recognize how much more successful we are, and how much more interesting than my ex. They know they are better off with us, and that the smart play is to ignore my ex’s tired emotions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my wife we were divorcing when my kids were finishing 6th and 3rd grades. We do the 2-2-5-5 thing, and the kids are thriving.

My ex dragged her feet on some things which has made reaching a settlement difficult. But that doesn’t affect the kids. When my ex tried to tell me that I needed to wait a while before introducing them to my girlfriend, I realized I had to assert my rights.

So I went ahead and had my girlfriend swing by when I had the kids, and then we had her over for a bbq. She bought my younger kid an XBox game and recorded TikTok videos with my older one. They love her.

My ex fumes, but who cares. She can’t demonize my girlfriend and I if we define ourselves first. We take the kids on trips my ex can’t afford, and treat them much more lavishly than her.

Ideally my ex will accept being friends with us for the good of the kids. I hope she can stop being petty about it. But if not, the kids recognize how much more successful we are, and how much more interesting than my ex. They know they are better off with us, and that the smart play is to ignore my ex’s tired emotions.

Wow, you’re a piece of work. And your kids will realize it one day if they haven’t already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my wife we were divorcing when my kids were finishing 6th and 3rd grades. We do the 2-2-5-5 thing, and the kids are thriving.

My ex dragged her feet on some things which has made reaching a settlement difficult. But that doesn’t affect the kids. When my ex tried to tell me that I needed to wait a while before introducing them to my girlfriend, I realized I had to assert my rights.

So I went ahead and had my girlfriend swing by when I had the kids, and then we had her over for a bbq. She bought my younger kid an XBox game and recorded TikTok videos with my older one. They love her.

My ex fumes, but who cares. She can’t demonize my girlfriend and I if we define ourselves first. We take the kids on trips my ex can’t afford, and treat them much more lavishly than her.

Ideally my ex will accept being friends with us for the good of the kids. I hope she can stop being petty about it. But if not, the kids recognize how much more successful we are, and how much more interesting than my ex. They know they are better off with us, and that the smart play is to ignore my ex’s tired emotions.

Wow, you’re a piece of work. And your kids will realize it one day if they haven’t already.

Haha right. The kids are ~thriving~ you say. Well, of course, how could they not be? Sounds like a super balanced and stable setup pps got there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my wife we were divorcing when my kids were finishing 6th and 3rd grades. We do the 2-2-5-5 thing, and the kids are thriving.

My ex dragged her feet on some things which has made reaching a settlement difficult. But that doesn’t affect the kids. When my ex tried to tell me that I needed to wait a while before introducing them to my girlfriend, I realized I had to assert my rights.

So I went ahead and had my girlfriend swing by when I had the kids, and then we had her over for a bbq. She bought my younger kid an XBox game and recorded TikTok videos with my older one. They love her.

My ex fumes, but who cares. She can’t demonize my girlfriend and I if we define ourselves first. We take the kids on trips my ex can’t afford, and treat them much more lavishly than her.

Ideally my ex will accept being friends with us for the good of the kids. I hope she can stop being petty about it. But if not, the kids recognize how much more successful we are, and how much more interesting than my ex. They know they are better off with us, and that the smart play is to ignore my ex’s tired emotions.

Wow. I thought my ex was bad… this is something else!

Has your new girlfriend gotten you to seek help for your NPD? Or does she have it too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my wife we were divorcing when my kids were finishing 6th and 3rd grades. We do the 2-2-5-5 thing, and the kids are thriving.

My ex dragged her feet on some things which has made reaching a settlement difficult. But that doesn’t affect the kids. When my ex tried to tell me that I needed to wait a while before introducing them to my girlfriend, I realized I had to assert my rights.

So I went ahead and had my girlfriend swing by when I had the kids, and then we had her over for a bbq. She bought my younger kid an XBox game and recorded TikTok videos with my older one. They love her.

My ex fumes, but who cares. She can’t demonize my girlfriend and I if we define ourselves first. We take the kids on trips my ex can’t afford, and treat them much more lavishly than her.

Ideally my ex will accept being friends with us for the good of the kids. I hope she can stop being petty about it. But if not, the kids recognize how much more successful we are, and how much more interesting than my ex. They know they are better off with us, and that the smart play is to ignore my ex’s tired emotions.

Oh you've defined yourselves. No question there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told my wife we were divorcing when my kids were finishing 6th and 3rd grades. We do the 2-2-5-5 thing, and the kids are thriving.

My ex dragged her feet on some things which has made reaching a settlement difficult. But that doesn’t affect the kids. When my ex tried to tell me that I needed to wait a while before introducing them to my girlfriend, I realized I had to assert my rights.

So I went ahead and had my girlfriend swing by when I had the kids, and then we had her over for a bbq. She bought my younger kid an XBox game and recorded TikTok videos with my older one. They love her.

My ex fumes, but who cares. She can’t demonize my girlfriend and I if we define ourselves first. We take the kids on trips my ex can’t afford, and treat them much more lavishly than her.

Ideally my ex will accept being friends with us for the good of the kids. I hope she can stop being petty about it. But if not, the kids recognize how much more successful we are, and how much more interesting than my ex. They know they are better off with us, and that the smart play is to ignore my ex’s tired emotions.

At least your ex is no longer married to a sociopath. But your kids are stuck with a sociopath parent. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They say under 2 and over 22 are the best times to divorce

They don’t know. Youngest was 2 and he has been most affected. Very anxious and I think some of this is because older siblings get all the attention. Plus just has back fourth between houses at very young age. I still remember him bawling because he wanted his mother.

If you’re going to have joint custody, doing it when the kids are under 5 is really tough on them. For attachment reasons and because kids that young don’t do well with frequent routine/environment changes. It can trigger anxiety especially if they’re prone to it.

If no joint custody, then as early as possible.

Mine were 7 and 11. I would say the older one is more or less adjusted a few months later. Their life is at school, at activities, with friends… the younger one is not totally ok but getting there. They are actually doing much better at school this year. There is occasional anxiety. I set up the schedule so we wouldn’t be separated for longer than a day or two most weeks (we do 2-2-5-5, but with a mid five visit and 1-1 time with each kid on weekends so I get the youngest on his).

I wouldn’t have wanted to split earlier. My ex went off the rails and had major mental health issues. Even so, I’m glad I hung in there an extra gut wrenching year. When we split my youngest was just starting to sleep through consistently without night wakings.

Joint custody can be so difficult on kids. Its nice in theory, and both parents being involved is obviously ideal typically, but the problem is that it is often quite bumpy in practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my wife we were divorcing when my kids were finishing 6th and 3rd grades. We do the 2-2-5-5 thing, and the kids are thriving.

My ex dragged her feet on some things which has made reaching a settlement difficult. But that doesn’t affect the kids. When my ex tried to tell me that I needed to wait a while before introducing them to my girlfriend, I realized I had to assert my rights.

So I went ahead and had my girlfriend swing by when I had the kids, and then we had her over for a bbq. She bought my younger kid an XBox game and recorded TikTok videos with my older one. They love her.

My ex fumes, but who cares. She can’t demonize my girlfriend and I if we define ourselves first. We take the kids on trips my ex can’t afford, and treat them much more lavishly than her.

Ideally my ex will accept being friends with us for the good of the kids. I hope she can stop being petty about it. But if not, the kids recognize how much more successful we are, and how much more interesting than my ex. They know they are better off with us, and that the smart play is to ignore my ex’s tired emotions.

At least your ex is no longer married to a sociopath. But your kids are stuck with a sociopath parent. Sad.

Lol all while trying to stiff his ex on child support, I’m sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told my wife we were divorcing when my kids were finishing 6th and 3rd grades. We do the 2-2-5-5 thing, and the kids are thriving.

My ex dragged her feet on some things which has made reaching a settlement difficult. But that doesn’t affect the kids. When my ex tried to tell me that I needed to wait a while before introducing them to my girlfriend, I realized I had to assert my rights.

So I went ahead and had my girlfriend swing by when I had the kids, and then we had her over for a bbq. She bought my younger kid an XBox game and recorded TikTok videos with my older one. They love her.

My ex fumes, but who cares. She can’t demonize my girlfriend and I if we define ourselves first. We take the kids on trips my ex can’t afford, and treat them much more lavishly than her.

Ideally my ex will accept being friends with us for the good of the kids. I hope she can stop being petty about it. But if not, the kids recognize how much more successful we are, and how much more interesting than my ex. They know they are better off with us, and that the smart play is to ignore my ex’s tired emotions.

Wow, you’re a piece of work. And your kids will realize it one day if they haven’t already.

IKR..."My dad is successful, interesting, and fun. My mom is a boring failure. He divorced her and found a better option.
Who am I?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They say under 2 and over 22 are the best times to divorce

They don’t know. Youngest was 2 and he has been most affected. Very anxious and I think some of this is because older siblings get all the attention. Plus just has back fourth between houses at very young age. I still remember him bawling because he wanted his mother.

My div atty said under 2s have a better chance of staying with mom (or primary parent) almost 100% of the time. And then joint custody can be revisited when kids gets older

[Anonymous]

My kid was 6. She was sad for 2 years. Overall she is much better off. my ex used to assault me. Once was in front of her. I’m glad she doesn’t have to witness that. She is much more well adjusted as a result.