Divorced People: What age were your kids when you divorced? Impact?

[Anonymous]

3 and he has zero issues on it despite the fact that his Dad was really unstable for a number of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not have personal experience with this in my family, but I can say that as a college professor I have seen how parental divorce affects my students ranging from 18 to grad school and it can be very sad and have huge impacts. I think it is largely true that it depends on the specific situation and specific kid but I also think it's a significant misconception to say "wait until they're out of the house and it's going to be easier." I actually think many kids would do better to have a year to acclimate before being blindsided that their home "wasn't real" and they can never come back.

From experience with friends in college, it was awful for them when parents split while they were in college, especially freshmen year.

[Anonymous]

And you see all these cheaters chomping at the bit to divorce as soon as kids leave for college. It’s sick. They do not realize how that is such a vulnerable time in regards to mental health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not have personal experience with this in my family, but I can say that as a college professor I have seen how parental divorce affects my students ranging from 18 to grad school and it can be very sad and have huge impacts. I think it is largely true that it depends on the specific situation and specific kid but I also think it's a significant misconception to say "wait until they're out of the house and it's going to be easier." I actually think many kids would do better to have a year to acclimate before being blindsided that their home "wasn't real" and they can never come back.

It doesnt have to be a surprise though. You can just tell them. And plenty of kids are aware the marriage is failing.

[Anonymous]

8. It has been 8 years, and I think the logistics of having two houses is the biggest deal, but it isn’t huge. We prioritize her and coparent well though, with neither of us maligning or undermining

[Anonymous]

The best time is when you have a solid financial and logistical plan ready. If you rush this and chaos results, they will resent you.

If one of you wants to move in with a new partner soon after the divorce, then I would delay until after high school, because teenagers are unlikely to tolerate that kindly.

[Anonymous]

Mine was 14 and had just started high school. It was hard for him for about a year but he’s thriving almost ten years later.

My husband’s kids were 4 and 6 when their mom abandoned all of them. They’re still impacted 12 years later. But there’s a lot to that story and they witnessed a lot of things they shouldn’t have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:4 and 6 and it went soooo much better than I expected. I wish I would have done it years earlier instead of being miserable.

Why was it different
All divorces are different

[Anonymous]

They say under 2 and over 22 are the best times to divorce

[Anonymous]

9 and 13

It’s taken a toll, but they both have said they prefer two calm houses to the one high-conflicted one.

I work really hard to keep things chill and unified for them as possible. Their dad accommodates that but doesn’t make the same effort.

[Anonymous]

OP there is no age that won't mess up your kids. There are adult women in my women's church group whose parents divorced when they were high school, college, and beyond and they all speak openly about how deeply it wounded them and harmed their ability to form happy marriages. Don't be selfish and do this to your kids at any age.

[Anonymous]

Beyond getting along and sharing custody and not sabotaging the other parent how your kids will react and come out of it are individual to them.

[Anonymous]

This is a silly question. If you have a dysfunctional marriage - whether there’s conflict, emotional harm, leading separate lives, whatever - the kids are going to be harmed. They are learning dysfunctional thoughts and behaviors, at least from one parent and usually both. Divorce can ameliorate a tense or difficult living situation, and possibly make a parent a better parent, both of which could be beneficial to the kids. These are the things that need to be considered when considering the best interest of the kids, not just their age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not have personal experience with this in my family, but I can say that as a college professor I have seen how parental divorce affects my students ranging from 18 to grad school and it can be very sad and have huge impacts. I think it is largely true that it depends on the specific situation and specific kid but I also think it's a significant misconception to say "wait until they're out of the house and it's going to be easier." I actually think many kids would do better to have a year to acclimate before being blindsided that their home "wasn't real" and they can never come back.

It doesnt have to be a surprise though. You can just tell them. And plenty of kids are aware the marriage is failing.

Parents are pretty good at lying.

Hence the trauma.

[Anonymous]

13, now 35, doing great, great career and family. I have great relationship with ex, divorced him due to his affair who he married later. If you and your husband are normal well adjusted adults who care about the child and each other and not going to be dramatic over divorce, it will all work out. At any age