no-kids weddings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:18:32, did you love supervising your 4 year old until 2 am at that wedding in Monaco, or did you just dance the night away with very loose supervision? Refrain from drinking so you could make sure that 4 year old didn't bother any of the guests?

I can guess the answers. Unless the grandmothers take care of all the kids during the reception.

I'm not that poster, but I also had a small child at a wedding in Europe until the wee hours of the morning and I can say that we shared supervision among a number of adults including her parents, aunts/uncles, and grandparents. All of us drank but none of us got drunk.

I'm not trying to convince you that the "right" way to have a wedding is to invite all kids, but just to suggest that it is possible to invite kids, even to an evening wedding, and still have a beautiful, special celebration.

[Anonymous]

I am a PP who had kids at her wedding and have brought my kids to other people's weddings, but I think it only really applies to out-of-towners. We cant travel without our kids and unless a bride/groom can suggest a babysitter, we dont have much to do with them. The 2 weddings that we did bring our kids to, the couple recommended a babysitter, which we paid for, who watched the baby in a separate room while we were having fun at the party. I was able to go nurse, the baby was able to sleep and the kids didnt bother anyone.

At our wedding, some friends had their babies there but they slept most of the time.

[Anonymous]

NP here - I had a late evening wedding, it was black tie and very formal. Many people were there and we drank until the late hours of the night (1:00 am), I would never have imagined excluding my families children. Perhaps, being that my mother is not American, it is just a different culture. I can't even imagine how I would explain that to my family. You can come, but don't bring your child? RUDE.

[Anonymous]

This topic is only a big deal because some parents think no-kid weddings are wrong. Which is bizarre! I love the poster who wants to bring her dog. Watch out. That's next, dog-friendly weddings (wait, dog-friendly destination weddings! Bring your beagle to Tuscany!)

[Anonymous]

Do you take your kids to cocktail parties too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you take your kids to cocktail parties too?

If they are welcome.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Not going to read five pages of kid-wedding-wars after I read the first page of people bashing you, which I don't really think was warranted. Sorry if I repeat others.

I think you answered your own questions within your post. The bride gently told you that they have a huge family and can't allow kids. Getting married is not as simple as people think or might like it to be. I wanted to be able to include my stepmoms family, and she hails from a family of 8. I invited all of my first cousins, even the stepcousins. So between my mom, dad, stepmom, stepdad's family (which thankfully is much smaller than stepmoms) plus my husband's own fairly large family (four brothers, all married), tons of cousins, we had to do a no-kids policy. It honestly, truly pained me to do this. We tried left, right and sideways to do it another way that would avoid this. We were already paying this ourselves and limiting the wedding to a fairly no-frills affair, and there wasn't much room to cut corners. We severely limited inviting friends (and sadly, really offended some of our DC friends who didn't make the cut) in order to accomodate family, but still couldn't extend it out to kids. Every venue we looked at charged at least half price for children. if we would have invited children there would have been another 80 people at our wedding, which was approaching 300 invitees anyway (90 percent family). So even half price, that was too much -- we simply didn't have the money.

I think, until you've been there, trying to do a nice wedding for a big family on a shoestring budget (and fair to admit, we aren't the most creative about saving money, some people REALLY are) you don't understand.

Something I think is equally important is that the bride simply CANNOT be offended if people do not attend her wedding because of this. I remember when I was getting married, being really sad and upset (and pissed, honestly) that my college best friend did not attend my wedding because he and his wife felt it was too hard to get a babysitter. I was upset but didn't say anything about it and now that I know how unfathomable it is that some parents (including me) would leave their children with a babysitter they'd never met, I understand. It's one of those live-and-learn moments. The other sad thing is that we had so many "no" invites that we really COULD have afforded kids. But we had no way of knowing that in advance.

Bottom line, we reluctantly excluded kids, didn't feel great about it at the time, and now feel a bit worse, but honestly felt we had no choice. Maybe OP's cousin feels the same way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This topic is only a big deal because some parents think no-kid weddings are wrong. Which is bizarre! I love the poster who wants to bring her dog. Watch out. That's next, dog-friendly weddings (wait, dog-friendly destination weddings! Bring your beagle to Tuscany!)

I would rather have a dog as in a service dog at a wedding that a bunch crying, bratty children who stick their fingers in the wedding cake and parents who do not watch them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you take your kids to cocktail parties too?

If they are welcome.

Do you let them drink cocktails? Thet is, of course, as long as they are welcome to do so.

[Anonymous]

Cocktail parties with kids? What fun you must have! What do you do away from your kids? Or do you never leave their side?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17:30, we had a childfree wedding and we did arrange for and pay for a sitter in the same hotel where the reception was for the out of town guests' children.

You say you're from the South. In my experience, you can't compare a southern wedding to a northeastern one. Southern weddings are usually daytime, often outside, and the food served is cake and punch. Can't compare to a $50,000 black tie optional 6 pm wedding. Two totally different animals.

What!!!!!!??? Oh right because people from the south are poor, unsophisticated etc etc. Us simple Southern folk don't even know what "black tie" is! $50,000 on a weddin'! Our houses don't cost that much! How impressed we are with you elegant bon vivants from glamorous Northeastern places like New Jersey.
My wedding was in the South, at night, and was black tie. And we invited children, and it was lovely. I have never been to a Southern wedding that was during the day and had only cake and punch. The only difference I have observed between "Southern" and "Northern" weddings that didn't come down to preference or socioeconomic status is that guests from the north are more likely to give cash than guests from the south are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you take your kids to cocktail parties too?

If they are welcome.

Do you let them drink cocktails? Thet is, of course, as long as they are welcome to do so.

Sure, it helps them sleep better.

Seriously, it is possible to have multi-generational socializing that's enjoyable for everyone, and it's also possible to let the kid go to sleep and continue to socialize.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure DH's cousin is "mightily pissed off" at you for thinking that your 19 mo has the stamina and maturity to handle spending hours at a wedding.

So the queen gave birth to a princess (or prince), eh?

Anonymous wrote:I would like to know from people who had "no-kids" weddings, what was the thought process behind it? Money, i.e. didn't want to feed an extra mouth? Convenience, as in didn't want to hear a kid during your vows? Space issues with the venue? I'm genuinely curious, and in the interest of full disclosure, I'm mightily pissed off that we are going to DH's cousin's wedding this month who told me that our 19 month old is not invited because 'we have such big families, we had to cut it off at first cousins" and "we have space issues." We had stupidly already booked a flight, so now DH is going to the wedding while DC and I cool our jets at the hotel. Oh, and it's a daytime wedding, too, so it's not like DC will be going to sleep right after the ceremony starts anyway.

Gah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the fuss?

If you can't go due to child care issues or won't go to a no-kids wedding on principle, then decline. You'll be doing yourself and the new couple a favor.

Whether it European, American, Asian to invite or not invite kids, there are perfectly good reasons on both sides of the equation. At the end of the day, it is the couple's choice. Decline or go. But this endless debating on what people SHOULD do is stupid.

Exactly!!! There is nothing to debate!!