no-kids weddings

[Anonymous]

I would like to know from people who had "no-kids" weddings, what was the thought process behind it? Money, i.e. didn't want to feed an extra mouth? Convenience, as in didn't want to hear a kid during your vows? Space issues with the venue? I'm genuinely curious, and in the interest of full disclosure, I'm mightily pissed off that we are going to DH's cousin's wedding this month who told me that our 19 month old is not invited because 'we have such big families, we had to cut it off at first cousins" and "we have space issues." We had stupidly already booked a flight, so now DH is going to the wedding while DC and I cool our jets at the hotel. Oh, and it's a daytime wedding, too, so it's not like DC will be going to sleep right after the ceremony starts anyway.

Gah.

[Anonymous]

There was a recent topic on this that you can search for. We had a no-kids wedding b/c w/o kids our list was at 300 (well over half of which was family), and with kids it would have been over 400, which did create a huge space and some expense issue for us since we were getting married in DC. Granted, I come from an extended family that likes to have lots of kids, but we couldn't figure out a fair way to include just some kids and not others. Our young nephews did come and we hired a nanny to watch them during the reception. I will say that we put the word out early and often through my parents and their siblings, so I don't think there were any last-minute surprises for anyone. And some cousins didn't come, but I think that had more to do with them having other family plans and not with their children not being invited.

As for the wedding you're going to, could you at least attend the ceremony so you can see some family?

[Anonymous]

Looks like OP is such a spoiled brat that no "reasoning" would be acceptable to her.

Another DCUM Princess - shucks, there are a lot of 'em.

[Anonymous]

We fell in love with a venue that was very kids unfriendly and also had a small wedding (80 people). We had almost no friends/family from out of town who had kids, so that made it an easier decision to go the no kids route. Also, we had a Jewish wedding on a Saturday night so it started late (after sundown) making it not very kid friendly.

How was you invite worded? was the invite just addressed to you and DH?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the thoughtful reply. The bride was clear, DC is not permitted at the ceremony OR the reception. They are in the same place with the "space issues." It was nice of you to hire a nanny for your nephews. We went to another family wedding (DH has a huge family) where the bride and groom at least gave us the name of a local sitter.

When we got married, the bride moved heaven and earth to come to our wedding, so we feel that we should make the effort to be there for her. We decided that DC and I would still go, since DC rarely gets to see this branch of his family all together. I'm also in my first trimester with #2 so it's possible I'm just feeling exceptionally bitchy today.

[Anonymous]

Looks like OP is such a spoiled brat that no "reasoning" would be acceptable to her.

Another DCUM Princess - shucks, there are a lot of 'em.

OP here again. Klassy.

[Anonymous]

OP,
You said it: Stupidly booked.
Why would you assume that your bundle of joy is welcome everywhere on the planet?
What if there are 20 guests with one, two and three children?
Whose children get invited and whose don't?
What about the NOISE?
Who wants their service interrupted by a toddler being a toddler?
You mock their reasons. The seem valid to me. You do not sound very nice.

[Anonymous]

P.S. This is how it works. Some brides and grooms welcome children. Some do not. It's always been like that. Always will. Respect their wishes. It's THEIR day. And get proactive and see if they can help you find a sitter.

[Anonymous]

In my family, children are almost never included in weddings unless they are the children of immediate family members (i.e. my toddler son went to my brother's wedding). It's accepted practice because my extended family is very large. Local family adult only was over 150 people. Even if we had wanted children there, we would not have been able to afford including them. It would have significantly decreased our options as far as reception halls large enough also. That said, if I had guests invited from out of town I would have arranged child care for them so that both adults in a couple could attend the wedding. Have you thought about asking whether there is a babysitter the bride and groom could recommend?

[Anonymous]

All the PP's need to get over it.

There are those of us to whom it would NEVER occur that our kids werent allowed at a wedding bc all kids were allowed at our weddings - particularly babies/small toddlers of those traveling from out of town. If I had friends traveling to my wedding, it never occurred to me to make them make other plans for their young children. A number of people showed up with their babies without asking and I never thought twice about it until coming to DCUM.

It doesnt mean that we think our kids are welcome everywhere, just that we dont think they are "unwelcome" - there's a difference.

[Anonymous]

A middle-aged relative had a small wedding ceremony and kindly hired babysitters (known to them, from their church) for the kids. It was hard to think of leaving our 1-year-old with the sitter, but I met her ahead of time, felt comfortable with her, and went ahead to enjoy the wedding.

Another relative with a child just a little older decided to bring the toddler along to the ceremony, rather than use the sitter. Sure enough, the toddler loudly interrupted the vows.

[Anonymous]

OP, why can't you get a babysitter or have the 19-month stay here with a sitter for the weekend and enjoy some alone time with your husband?

We had an evening reception and it never occurred to me to invite children. I was never invited to wedding until I was an adult. I, too, come from a large family. We limited children to our neices and nephews. Thankfully, all of their parents were smart enough to bring the kids to the cocktail hour to see the family and then had a sitter take them home.

[Anonymous]

"I'm also in my first trimester with #2 so it's possible I'm just feeling exceptionally bitchy today. "

Sounds like your bitchy every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the PP's need to get over it.

There are those of us to whom it would NEVER occur that our kids werent allowed at a wedding bc all kids were allowed at our weddings - particularly babies/small toddlers of those traveling from out of town. If I had friends traveling to my wedding, it never occurred to me to make them make other plans for their young children. A number of people showed up with their babies without asking and I never thought twice about it until coming to DCUM.

It doesnt mean that we think our kids are welcome everywhere, just that we dont think they are "unwelcome" - there's a difference.

It should occur to you that your children weren't invited if your children's names weren't on the invitation. It's not a guessing game.

Every bride and groom get to decide who is invited to their wedding. Then you as a guest get to decide whether you still want to go if your children aren't invited. I don't think you can fault the bride for not including the children, nor should the couple blame you if you politely decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:P.S. This is how it works. Some brides and grooms welcome children. Some do not. It's always been like that. Always will. Respect their wishes. It's THEIR day. And get proactive and see if they can help you find a sitter.

that's funny... when I had my bouquet stolen and was venting about it being MY DAY I was called a bridezilla...
oh well, go figure...