no-kids weddings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the thoughtful reply. The bride was clear, DC is not permitted at the ceremony OR the reception. They are in the same place with the "space issues." It was nice of you to hire a nanny for your nephews. We went to another family wedding (DH has a huge family) where the bride and groom at least gave us the name of a local sitter.

When we got married, the bride moved heaven and earth to come to our wedding, so we feel that we should make the effort to be there for her. We decided that DC and I would still go, since DC rarely gets to see this branch of his family all together. I'm also in my first trimester with #2 so it's possible I'm just feeling exceptionally bitchy today.

14:47 again - I think you're doing the right thing taking your DC along to see the family. Some of my DH's relatives did come from other continents and brought their young children since our wedding essentially functioned as a family reunion for that side of the family. We provided a nanny for them as well during the reception, and then they all got together for an extended reunion elsewhere after we left for our honeymoon. For my side, everyone lives in the same place except for my sibling and me, so they all see each other all the time and our wedding wasn't anything special for them in terms of a family gathering. That certainly played into our rationale on this. If it were me, I'd try to find something fun to do in the area where the wedding is (even if it's just the local park), so you are having fun with DC and not just stuck at the hotel.

[Anonymous]

I had a black-tie evening wedding. The wedding started at 7 p.m. and went until 1 a.m. Dinner was served around 11. We are Jewish and could not be married before sundown on a Saturday, but I wouldn't have done it much earlier if I could. We were in our 20s with no kids of our own and we wanted to throw an elegant, luxurious, ADULT party. It was expensive and we had to limit our guest list in order to do so, but that was our choice. If we invited one person's kids we'd have to invite them all, and that's a very different type of party. I've had a blast at weddings with kids, but we wanted something different. We got trusted babysitters for out of towners and the wedding was at a hotel so the parents were right downstairs. Also kids were welcome at the rehearsal dinner and brunch. But I would have totally understood if anyone declined the invitation because they couldn't bring their kids.

Now that I have kids I always look forward to the kid-free weddings. It's a pain in the ass to bring them and we have to constantly be watching and entertaining them rather than enjoying ourselves. And of course they get cranky being all dressed up, off their schedule, and subject to hours of loud music, strange people, and rich food. Frankly I can't understand why anyone would WANT to bring their kids to a wedding!

FWIW I have skipped weddings when the kids were tiny tiny because I couldn't find a satisfactory babysitting situation, but that's my choice and I don't think anyone ever held it against me.

[Anonymous]

We threw an expensive celebration and kids would have ruined the vibe.

Especially 19 month olds.

We paid, so our choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We threw an expensive celebration and kids would have ruined the vibe.

Especially 19 month olds.

We paid, so our choice.

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the PP's need to get over it.

There are those of us to whom it would NEVER occur that our kids werent allowed at a wedding bc all kids were allowed at our weddings - particularly babies/small toddlers of those traveling from out of town. If I had friends traveling to my wedding, it never occurred to me to make them make other plans for their young children. A number of people showed up with their babies without asking and I never thought twice about it until coming to DCUM.

It doesnt mean that we think our kids are welcome everywhere, just that we dont think they are "unwelcome" - there's a difference.

It should occur to you that your children weren't invited if your children's names weren't on the invitation. It's not a guessing game.

Every bride and groom get to decide who is invited to their wedding. Then you as a guest get to decide whether you still want to go if your children aren't invited. I don't think you can fault the bride for not including the children, nor should the couple blame you if you politely decline.

Quoted PP here -

I wasnt saying that kids should always be able to come. I think its the perogative of the bride and groom. However, no6t everyone has the assumption that kids arent invited. In many social circles allowing their kids would be the norm, rather than the exception - especially if thats what was done at their own wedding.

So dont jump on OP bc she assumed it would be fine to bring her baby. Its not an irrational or "entited" assumption to many of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All the PP's need to get over it.

There are those of us to whom it would NEVER occur that our kids werent allowed at a wedding bc all kids were allowed at our weddings - particularly babies/small toddlers of those traveling from out of town. If I had friends traveling to my wedding, it never occurred to me to make them make other plans for their young children. A number of people showed up with their babies without asking and I never thought twice about it until coming to DCUM.

It doesnt mean that we think our kids are welcome everywhere, just that we dont think they are "unwelcome" - there's a difference.

It should occur to you that your children weren't invited if your children's names weren't on the invitation. It's not a guessing game.

Every bride and groom get to decide who is invited to their wedding. Then you as a guest get to decide whether you still want to go if your children aren't invited. I don't think you can fault the bride for not including the children, nor should the couple blame you if you politely decline.

Quoted PP here -

I wasnt saying that kids should always be able to come. I think its the perogative of the bride and groom. However, no6t everyone has the assumption that kids arent invited. In many social circles allowing their kids would be the norm, rather than the exception - especially if thats what was done at their own wedding.

So dont jump on OP bc she assumed it would be fine to bring her baby. Its not an irrational or "entited" assumption to many of us.

When I receive an invitation I make the "assumption" that the people listed on the envelope are the people invited to the wedding. If my child, neighbor, mailman, or dog are not listed on the invitation, I don't bring them, and I don't ask if they can come. It's simple etiquette (and reading comprehension.) If your social circle has the unusual tradition of inviting "Mr. and Mrs. X" when they really mean to invite "The X Family," then perhaps you can safely make different assumptions, but I would limit that to people you are absolutely sure are in on the unwritten rules of your social circle. For everyone else, I'd go with the plain meaning of what's written on the invite.

[Anonymous]

It IS an irrational assumption.

[Anonymous]

$$$$ and space.

Venue charged full price and could only hold 120. If I invited one kid, I'd have to invite 17.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It IS an irrational assumption.

No, it is not. It is called being a guest. A guest is chosen by a host or hostess. A guest is not entitled to make the rules. It is bad manners to go to an event in which you were not invited. And, if you just can't part with your 19-month old, then don't go.

[Anonymous]

$, space, and frankly, preference. The potential for babies and small kids to make noise or freak or whatever at just the wrong moment is too high. Not everyone is ok with that happening. Not all wedding venues have high chairs to pull up to the table, etc. I would never assume that weddings are kids-friendly and always inquire.

OP, can you and DH take turns at the reception (if the hotel is that close), or ask family there for a reliable babysitter suggestion?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks like OP is such a spoiled brat that no "reasoning" would be acceptable to her.

Another DCUM Princess - shucks, there are a lot of 'em.

Too many to count.

OP, my feeling was that my wedding was an adult event for our adult friends (sans children); parent's friends, whose children were grown. I have seen children at weddings and, franky, they are in the way because most parents just let them wander around doing whatever kid wants to do. I made it plain and simple: No children under age 12 were invited.

[Anonymous]

To the PP who said it never occurs to brides who've invited children to their wedding, I just do not buy that! And sorry OP does come off as entitled and kind of victimized (as in: boo hoo, the bride hasn't offered to help me find a sitter, like my other friend did). Anyway, this is a divisive one! I will never get the folks who think that babies, toddlers and young children are welcome at weddings. NEVER.

[Anonymous]

I recently received on of these "sorry, no children" invites. I won't be going, but my sister has a 15 & 12 year olds and could not figure out if the 15 y/o would be considered a child. Anyone know the definition on this?

[Anonymous]

Why should any wedding invitation have to say "no children"? Would you bring a date unless you were "and guest"'ed on the invitation? I guess that's just too subtle nowadays.

[Anonymous]

We didn't have any kids at our wedding because we really didn't have many guests with kids. Maybe it's because we did the same thing, but I see cutting the guest lists off at first cousins as a pretty reasonable line to draw.