no-kids weddings

[Anonymous]

No-kid weddings must be mostly American. In France, weddings celebrate love and family, especially children. All the weddings I have ever been invited to welcomed them joyfully.
It is quite something to hear the priest kindly joke about the wailing toddlers at the back of the church. It is quite something to see adults and children of all ages dance until the small hours of the morning, laughing and celebrating the married couple.
It is one of my son's earliest memories, the black tie evening wedding he attended in Monaco - the bride invited all the children in her family. He danced on his little 4 year old feet until 2am, and loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently received on of these "sorry, no children" invites. I won't be going, but my sister has a 15 & 12 year olds and could not figure out if the 15 y/o would be considered a child. Anyone know the definition on this?

I would assume that the 15 year old is not invited. S/he is the child of the invitee and a minor.

OK, thanks. There is a difference between a child and a teen and we just weren't sure. The bride and groom are not even of legal drinking age yet, so I doubt it has to do with drinking. This is new for us. All the Italian weddings I've been to before were open to kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No-kid weddings must be mostly American. In France, weddings celebrate love and family, especially children. All the weddings I have ever been invited to welcomed them joyfully.
It is quite something to hear the priest kindly joke about the wailing toddlers at the back of the church. It is quite something to see adults and children of all ages dance until the small hours of the morning, laughing and celebrating the married couple.
It is one of my son's earliest memories, the black tie evening wedding he attended in Monaco - the bride invited all the children in her family. He danced on his little 4 year old feet until 2am, and loved it.

It's quite something to see a toddler throwing a tantrum because it's way past his bedtime and he missed his nap. It's quite something to see the 6-year-old barf on the dance floor because he ate who knows what. It's quite something to see the 4-year old put his chocolate hands on the bride's white dress (chocolate which came from the wedding cake, which had not yet been cut). I have seen each of these things happen at weddings.

Not everything kids do is charming. This is why I didn't have them at my wedding.

[Anonymous]

I have the most adorable little dog. Seriously she is amazingly cute. She fits in a purse and doesn't make a peep--I have carried her on planes tons of times and people didn't even know she was there. If I had to leave her home for the weekend I'd have to find a sitter. I think it would be so much fun to bring her to a wedding and show her off and let everyone else admire how wonderful she is. I can't believe how cold and rude my friends are to never invite her to their weddings. Maybe next time I should call them and ask if she can come.

Wait a second--that's insane. And YES this is what it's like when you ask someone if you can bring your kids when the kids were clearly not invited.

[Anonymous]

Why the fuss?

If you can't go due to child care issues or won't go to a no-kids wedding on principle, then decline. You'll be doing yourself and the new couple a favor.

Whether it European, American, Asian to invite or not invite kids, there are perfectly good reasons on both sides of the equation. At the end of the day, it is the couple's choice. Decline or go. But this endless debating on what people SHOULD do is stupid.

[Anonymous]

Like the PP, I don't understand the big deal. If you can't go because your child can't go, then don't go. Why bitch and moan about it?

[Anonymous]

There were a few kids at my wedding, but they only stayed for part of the reception, since it was from 5 pm till 12 am. The ceremony itself was less than 15 minutes long (our choice) so it wasn't hard for them to sit through. They were cute in their dress up clothes, well behaved, and their parents knew when the kids were ready to go and left. No one is obligated to invite kids, but I was glad we chose to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I will never get the folks who think that babies, toddlers and young children are welcome at weddings. NEVER."

Go ahead and flame me, but these folks are the attachment parenters. They don't believe in daycare or use it very grudgingly. They do not have date nights with their spouses, and don't enjoy anything other than G rated entertainment. They frankly do not see value in adult only entertainment, so they pretend everyone has the same life philosophies as they do. Blech.

Actually, that's not true. At my wedding, we had friends bring their young children (babies/toddlers). Like a prior poster, it was never a thought that kids wouldn't be invited. I did have a sitter for the wedding ceremony. It's just the way our friends/family do things and always have. Some of our friends/family took it as a fun time to be away from the kids. Others took it as a great way for us to see the children (we live out of state from where the wedding took place). Growing up, children were always included - it's just part of the culture. (and I'm white for whatever that might matter - but born in Ohio and grew up in South Carolina - similar family culture).

But, I'm not an attachment parent. I work full-time (which I enjoy), DD is in daycare (which we love), I did breastfeed - but also supplemented with formula, use disposable diapers, DD sleeps in her crib - in a separate bedroom, etc. I do have date nights with my DH when I can (although - he is in the military so has been gone for the past year), and we like to get our freak on.

I do like going to weddings without my DD and that's what we do. But, with our friends, (even the ones we have made up here) parties (including wedding receptions) are all inclusive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It IS an irrational assumption.

Ditto. Classic Princess attitude.

[Anonymous]

"I don't understand people who won't go out without their kids or who think that grown up time is somehow selfish or means you're a neglectful parent. I have to admit, it's usually the mom who has that attitude, and sadly, those marriages always seem to end up in trouble. "

What else is new?

[Anonymous]

To 17:26 - when have you last been to a wedding that wasn't either "swanky or intimate"? I don't think most people mind if you're having a JP wedding if there are kids at the courthouse.

[Anonymous]

17:30, we had a childfree wedding and we did arrange for and pay for a sitter in the same hotel where the reception was for the out of town guests' children.

You say you're from the South. In my experience, you can't compare a southern wedding to a northeastern one. Southern weddings are usually daytime, often outside, and the food served is cake and punch. Can't compare to a $50,000 black tie optional 6 pm wedding. Two totally different animals.

[Anonymous]

17:40, why do a bride and groom have to provide the opportunity for an extended family get together? A wedding is not a family reunion.

[Anonymous]

18:32, did you love supervising your 4 year old until 2 am at that wedding in Monaco, or did you just dance the night away with very loose supervision? Refrain from drinking so you could make sure that 4 year old didn't bother any of the guests?

I can guess the answers. Unless the grandmothers take care of all the kids during the reception.

[Anonymous]

I'm always relieved when my kids aren't invited bc it's a chance for me to enjoy myself instead of constantly worrying/supervising/entertaining them.