According to the OP, she didn’t ask, they offered. Really shitty to do so and then not follow through. |
As a fellow only child, I’m sorry and I understand. This work is all on you though. Only spouses and children can be expected to help with old age. No one else is going to take on the burden because it’s so massive.
I realize you have your own life, but you need to go more often. 9 months is a long time to not visit. Nursing homes do take advantage of patients, especially those who don’t have visitors. I wish you peace and hope you have your own family and friends who can support you so you can help your mom. |
So you haven’t even been there in an entire year? When you moved your mom, did you do so remotely? You never visited? Do you have any excruciating health concerns of your own to prevent you from going? |
You don't have to help her or deal with this either, you know. You are a grown adult; stop whinging and either sell the house or leave her to the state. |
As all of us know who deal with human beings, following up is mandatory especially in a long distance situation. |
I have found there are definitely people who will make grand gestures with offers of help (even selfish siblings who should help), but the time comes they do almost nothing. I found if I can't be there as often, it is best to hire someone to manage things assuming she can afford it. Then you are paying the person for the time and it's contractual. It's incredibly frustrating your relatives offered to do a monumental task and didn't. Their mistake is offering, but it really isn't someone to expect of them.
Many of us with siblings felt alone too. You just have to figure out your boundaries, figure out what she can afford in terms of help, find out about resources in the area and know things will not be perfect-far from it. |
Ok but OPs issue its been months almost a year since then. OP really dropped the ball to not verify and follow through herself on what ulitmately is her problem. The job now wouldn’t be so gross if she had kept tabs. If she can’t or won’t then she needs to sell ASAP. |
I’m right there with you, op.
But I quickly realized I needed to take control and get things in order. Me. Because nobody else has skin in the game and my goal is to protect my parent and their biggest asset: their home. I quickly determined a plan to gather whatever was valuable from the home and sell it as is. Tremendous peace of mind getting the cash and not having to worry about squatters, thieves, damage, etc. You should move your mom nearby and dump the house. Sorry. It sucks. I’m dealing with everything myself even though I have a sibling. |
Sorry, Op. that’s sadly how these things go.
You are stronger than you realize. It sucks, but you can do this. You quickly realize that you can’t rely on most. |
I’m sure it was disappointing. However, in all that time OP never once checked in with her relatives to see if they needed anything or needed her to send money or supplies to help them or if any issues came up? Seems odd to be so angry all these months later with zero follow up.
I’m an only child too so I get juggling your own family, job and parent care. But how no follow up or trip back to the house occurred in that many months doesn’t resonate. |
+1 I think OP didn't want the criticism and left, but she seems oddly unaware that she's able to focus her energy on her young family because her mom is 9 hours away at an assisted living facility being watched over by another family member who works there and keeps an eye on her. And if she needed the rent money from her mom's apt, I'm not sure how she waited months for the fridge to be cleaned out... |
Exactly. I totally caught that too. She chooses to place her mother in a place 4 hours from where she lives because she has a relative who will check on her daily. Then she complains NO ONE HELPS ME WITH MY MOM. I don't get how getting DAILY help from a relative doesn't count. OP should have moved her mother to the town or city where she lives. 7 out of 52 weekends means that she isn't even having to go once a month, its more like every other month she goes and visits her mother. The other month she could have gone to shut down her mother's house. |
Do you your aunt and uncle have kids? Since you weren’t around and your mom wasn’t going to be coming back maybe they let someone else stay there in the meantime. They figured you didn’t care bc you never followed up with them. |