Help my DD figure out what to say to her possibly racist frenemy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weak to be offended by such nonsense. I’m Irish and would be proud of someone calls me a “Mic” or said I like potato’s or assume I drink too much. BFD I think I’m better than you so your opinion is of no consequence.

Between this and the next comment that says I’m bothered because I’m secretly racist myself, I’m not sure why I bothered to seek advice here. It helps to understand how people think, though. It seems that many people want the freedom to say whatever they want regardless of how it makes others feel.

What I’m reading is that my DD’s experience doesn’t matter and racism doesn’t exist because this white person wouldn’t mind having people say things about their ethnic group.

15:54, thank you for your sensible reply.

You’re welcome. Maybe the Irish guy and the California woman can start a club for delusional white people who think they are oppressed. The anonymity here definitely allows people to display their bigotry and implicit bias. You didn’t receive much support, but as miserable as it is, seeing the blatant hypocrisy, racism, and victim blaming in its naked ugliness is a powerful reminder of what your DD faces. It’s evil that children have to deal with this, and as parents we don’t have any choice about when.

PP. I am California person. I didn't say I was oppressed or feel oppressed. I just gave an example of a dumb, biased thing that someone said to me. One white person saying something stupid to another white person. And how I handled it. I personally favor speaking out factually to counter mistaken ideas. I think it builds confidence in children. That was my advice. OP didn't ask for support. OP asked for advice. And here comes PP to call me a bigot and imply that I'm a victim blamer and evil. That's pretty crazy talk. Yet at the bottom of my post, I recommended reporting to the teacher if unwanted behavior continues.

OP described the behavior as "possibly racist". OP isn't sure. Sounds like a mix of issues. Some awkward, some racist.

Almost every DCUM thread ranges from ill-informed to trollish to excellent on-point advice. Why does anyone act surprised about the low points?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weak to be offended by such nonsense. I’m Irish and would be proud of someone calls me a “Mic” or said I like potato’s or assume I drink too much. BFD I think I’m better than you so your opinion is of no consequence.

Between this and the next comment that says I’m bothered because I’m secretly racist myself, I’m not sure why I bothered to seek advice here. It helps to understand how people think, though. It seems that many people want the freedom to say whatever they want regardless of how it makes others feel.

What I’m reading is that my DD’s experience doesn’t matter and racism doesn’t exist because this white person wouldn’t mind having people say things about their ethnic group.

15:54, thank you for your sensible reply.

You’re welcome. Maybe the Irish guy and the California woman can start a club for delusional white people who think they are oppressed. The anonymity here definitely allows people to display their bigotry and implicit bias. You didn’t receive much support, but as miserable as it is, seeing the blatant hypocrisy, racism, and victim blaming in its naked ugliness is a powerful reminder of what your DD faces. It’s evil that children have to deal with this, and as parents we don’t have any choice about when.

PP. I am California person. I didn't say I was oppressed or feel oppressed. I just gave an example of a dumb, biased thing that someone said to me. One white person saying something stupid to another white person. And how I handled it. I personally favor speaking out factually to counter mistaken ideas. I think it builds confidence in children. That was my advice. OP didn't ask for support. OP asked for advice. And here comes PP to call me a bigot and imply that I'm a victim blamer and evil. That's pretty crazy talk. Yet at the bottom of my post, I recommended reporting to the teacher if unwanted behavior continues.

OP described the behavior as "possibly racist". OP isn't sure. Sounds like a mix of issues. Some awkward, some racist.

Almost every DCUM thread ranges from ill-informed to trollish to excellent on-point advice. Why does anyone act surprised about the low points?

I didn’t call you any of those things. I did imply, and I do believe that you are a clueless and insensitive person. That you think your white woman anecdotes have any place in this discussion reflects how deeply you don’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weak to be offended by such nonsense. I’m Irish and would be proud of someone calls me a “Mic” or said I like potato’s or assume I drink too much. BFD I think I’m better than you so your opinion is of no consequence.

Between this and the next comment that says I’m bothered because I’m secretly racist myself, I’m not sure why I bothered to seek advice here. It helps to understand how people think, though. It seems that many people want the freedom to say whatever they want regardless of how it makes others feel.

What I’m reading is that my DD’s experience doesn’t matter and racism doesn’t exist because this white person wouldn’t mind having people say things about their ethnic group.

15:54, thank you for your sensible reply.

You’re welcome. Maybe the Irish guy and the California woman can start a club for delusional white people who think they are oppressed. The anonymity here definitely allows people to display their bigotry and implicit bias. You didn’t receive much support, but as miserable as it is, seeing the blatant hypocrisy, racism, and victim blaming in its naked ugliness is a powerful reminder of what your DD faces. It’s evil that children have to deal with this, and as parents we don’t have any choice about when.

PP. I am California person. I didn't say I was oppressed or feel oppressed. I just gave an example of a dumb, biased thing that someone said to me. One white person saying something stupid to another white person. And how I handled it. I personally favor speaking out factually to counter mistaken ideas. I think it builds confidence in children. That was my advice. OP didn't ask for support. OP asked for advice. And here comes PP to call me a bigot and imply that I'm a victim blamer and evil. That's pretty crazy talk. Yet at the bottom of my post, I recommended reporting to the teacher if unwanted behavior continues.

OP described the behavior as "possibly racist". OP isn't sure. Sounds like a mix of issues. Some awkward, some racist.

Almost every DCUM thread ranges from ill-informed to trollish to excellent on-point advice. Why does anyone act surprised about the low points?

I didn’t call you any of those things. I did imply, and I do believe that you are a clueless and insensitive person. That you think your white woman anecdotes have any place in this discussion reflects how deeply you don’t get it.

Are you saying that white people are not welcome to share experiences and advice because we don't get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s weak to be offended by such nonsense. I’m Irish and would be proud of someone calls me a “Mic” or said I like potato’s or assume I drink too much. BFD I think I’m better than you so your opinion is of no consequence.

Between this and the next comment that says I’m bothered because I’m secretly racist myself, I’m not sure why I bothered to seek advice here. It helps to understand how people think, though. It seems that many people want the freedom to say whatever they want regardless of how it makes others feel.

What I’m reading is that my DD’s experience doesn’t matter and racism doesn’t exist because this white person wouldn’t mind having people say things about their ethnic group.

15:54, thank you for your sensible reply.

You’re welcome. Maybe the Irish guy and the California woman can start a club for delusional white people who think they are oppressed. The anonymity here definitely allows people to display their bigotry and implicit bias. You didn’t receive much support, but as miserable as it is, seeing the blatant hypocrisy, racism, and victim blaming in its naked ugliness is a powerful reminder of what your DD faces. It’s evil that children have to deal with this, and as parents we don’t have any choice about when.

PP. I am California person. I didn't say I was oppressed or feel oppressed. I just gave an example of a dumb, biased thing that someone said to me. One white person saying something stupid to another white person. And how I handled it. I personally favor speaking out factually to counter mistaken ideas. I think it builds confidence in children. That was my advice. OP didn't ask for support. OP asked for advice. And here comes PP to call me a bigot and imply that I'm a victim blamer and evil. That's pretty crazy talk. Yet at the bottom of my post, I recommended reporting to the teacher if unwanted behavior continues.

OP described the behavior as "possibly racist". OP isn't sure. Sounds like a mix of issues. Some awkward, some racist.

Almost every DCUM thread ranges from ill-informed to trollish to excellent on-point advice. Why does anyone act surprised about the low points?

I didn’t call you any of those things. I did imply, and I do believe that you are a clueless and insensitive person. That you think your white woman anecdotes have any place in this discussion reflects how deeply you don’t get it.

Are you saying that white people are not welcome to share experiences and advice because we don't get it?

White people should consider carefully whether they have any real knowledge about living with racism before contributing to this thread. Your personal anecdotes demonstrate that you don’t understand at all what OPs child is experiencing. It doesn’t make you evil, but your contribution is actually insulting and not helpful. It’s not necessary to post in every thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

"[DD's name], why aren't you with your people?". "I might look like them but I don't speak Mandarin."

"Oh, bless your heart" and gently explain that Asia is a very large area with many countries and many languages. Kind of like Europe has many countries and languages.

[Anonymous]

The frenemy's comments sound kind of Trumpy. Rational conversation may not be possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The frenemy's comments sound kind of Trumpy. Rational conversation may not be possible.

Don't give up on a kid who is just 8. Educate. You will have to live with them in the community. Don't just label a 8 year old trumpy and racist and give up.

Most importantly, teach your child how to live as a biracial or non-white person in this country that has or at least had systemic racism. Starting at know how to clap back. She'll encounter these things in school, at work, or on some random places.

[Anonymous]

My kid's responses would be:

Some examples of the comments would be that a group of girls were talking about restaurants they went to over the weekend and one girl mentioned going to a Thai restaurant. The frenemy girl said, "[DD's name], I bet your family goes there a lot!". Um, Sarah, my dad is from from OHIO.

Another example is that one of their Asian classmates with expat parents moved to his parents' native country this summer. The frenemy girl said to DD, "[expat kid] went back to China! It's because he loves dumplings!" Who doesn't love dumplings? Oh, sorry, you've probably never tasted them before because you're white.

During a Lunar New Year celebration, there was a group of mainland Chinese kids who were also Mandarin speakers who ran a booth at the school festival to teach basic Mandarin phrases. DD's frenemy turned to her and said "[DD's name], why aren't you with your people?". My ILs and my DD have Chinese heritage but we speak a different language than those kids and are from a different country. Um, Sarah, my dad is from from OHIO. There's no Ohio table here, weirdo.

[Anonymous]

Mostly food talk? These were mostly stereotypes not racism. When she asked why aren’t you with your people, your daughter could have explained the different countries and languages in Asia. If she was trying to be rude this would shut her down. If she’s generally ignorant to differences then you’re doing her a big favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The frenemy is a white cracker

Are you also 8?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These are not comments made out of ignorance, they are intended to insult/offend / hurt. Please let’s not pretend she’s confused about whether her family might actually go to the Thai restaurant.

She’s a child. How many adults know where Mandarin is spoken or the differences between Thailand and Malaysia. There are over 45 countries in Asia. Most Americans think there is China, Japan, Korea and Vietnam. That’s just uneducated not racist. Learn the difference.

[Anonymous]

"That's so racist!" And walk away