FIL wants to be buried in the homeland

[Anonymous]

Buried next to Mommy and Daddy and not your own wife of 50 years. That’s quite the statement.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind that in many places, unless you have someone regularly visiting, even a plot with just a buried urn becomes overgrown and looks abandoned and cemeteries sell it again. This was on the verge of happening with us with grandparent plots (who lived and died there) in Russia since we cannot visit (covid and then the war). And while we are able to pay someone from here to maintain the plot looking nice and kept up, it will eventually be taken over when my parents pass. Im not a citizen, i cant go back and there are many scammer services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buried next to Mommy and Daddy and not your own wife of 50 years. That’s quite the statement.

Or they divorced.....?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make this happen if it’s that import him. So many in this forum are disrespectful of elders.

This is an extraordinary ask if FIL does not want to be cremated and wants his body shipped overseas. He needs to plan for it and allot money for it.

If we are talking about bringing ashes to his homeland, then it's really not a big deal.

If he pays for it and plans for it and it's as simple as making a call I would do it. If he expects you to pay and put in a large amount of effort, then I would instead spend that time and money on your own children/health needs/retirement savings. It's not his choice if he does not fund it and plan for it.

This. Both fund it and pre-plan it all out.

No one wants to deal with this nor a loved one’s body waiting around for weeks and months in order to arrange and urgent body shipment and burial overseas in another country.

We had to once wait for autopsy results after a sudden family death and an embalmed body four weeks later is a sad sight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buried next to Mommy and Daddy and not your own wife of 50 years. That’s quite the statement.

I have a husband like this. I think it's cultural. He just sprung this on me after 29 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd cremate and spread the ashes in his homeland. Keep it simple as it's DH's problem.

this is your solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buried next to Mommy and Daddy and not your own wife of 50 years. That’s quite the statement.

I have a husband like this. I think it's cultural. He just sprung this on me after 29 years.

I have a husband like this and maybe it is cultural to always put your parents about your own wife and kids. He’s all about Pay It Backwards.

I used to think it was guilt about not living super close to them. But it’s something about whatever mantras were constantly demanded when growing up. Plus a big dose of misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buried next to Mommy and Daddy and not your own wife of 50 years. That’s quite the statement.

I have a husband like this. I think it's cultural. He just sprung this on me after 29 years.

I have a husband like this and maybe it is cultural to always put your parents about your own wife and kids. He’s all about Pay It Backwards.

I used to think it was guilt about not living super close to them. But it’s something about whatever mantras were constantly demanded when growing up. Plus a big dose of misogyny.

DP

My husband has said this a few times. Being buried with me doesn't seem to be a consideration for him which makes me sad. We are hopefully a long way off from this, but when it's brought up I definitely feel devalued. Agree I think it is cultural.

[Anonymous]

Let’s be clear: it’s a selfish culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Buried next to Mommy and Daddy and not your own wife of 50 years. That’s quite the statement.

I have a husband like this. I think it's cultural. He just sprung this on me after 29 years.

I have a husband like this and maybe it is cultural to always put your parents about your own wife and kids. He’s all about Pay It Backwards.

I used to think it was guilt about not living super close to them. But it’s something about whatever mantras were constantly demanded when growing up. Plus a big dose of misogyny.

The real kicker is when this attitude of glorifying parents happens yet they are a neglectful parent of their own kid, as was their father. Very little actual parenting, coaching or teaching or meaningful connection went on father to son to next son.

[Anonymous]

Not sure where he is from but in my home country you can only be buried in a place where your family has an ancestral plot, a place where you live, or a place where you have a vacation house. FIL should look into all this and get a plot.

[Anonymous]

Is anyone’s 80 yo “from the homeland” father suddenly going to start doing domestic planning projects?!?

[Anonymous]

Do not make this your problem OP. Let your DH figure it out on his own when the time comes. He will realize it’s cost prohibitive or not. Don’t get involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not make this your problem OP. Let your DH figure it out on his own when the time comes. He will realize it’s cost prohibitive or not. Don’t get involved.

Nothing is too cost prohibitive for an avoidant immigrant son or family who never discusses things! Now or in the future. Many such sons view this as being told what to do, yet have no clue how to do it.

Watch your dutiful son husband leave you and the kids for a month or two and $25000 and make it happen!

[Anonymous]

This sounds lovely- could be a good learning experience for your kids.