Why do people say its ‘selfish’ to not want kids?

[Anonymous]

Having children is also selfish. If you ask someone why they want kids, the answer is "I wanted them" or some variation of that. No one is procreating for a greater good. They're doing it because it's what they want.

Childfree people can be selfless and parents can be selfish. It has nothing to do with whether or not you have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having children is also selfish. If you ask someone why they want kids, the answer is "I wanted them" or some variation of that. No one is procreating for a greater good. They're doing it because it's what they want.

Childfree people can be selfless and parents can be selfish. It has nothing to do with whether or not you have kids.

That's like saying childless people can be murderers and so can people with children.

We're talking about selfishness in the context of making the decision to have kids. Also, who says they didn't have them for the greater good. There are tons of people who feel an obligation to have kids for the greater good.

[Anonymous]

Because it appears that the person who doesn't want kids assumes life if just about their own wants and needs being met all the time, so they might be very narcissistic or hedonistic, and possibly also very immature tied up with all or some of the above.
There's another set of people who view themselves as a part of a whole, the connection between generations, between groups of people, and willing to care for the next generation, and willing to love a baby / child knowing they are contributing to the next generation. They also want to be in a family unit. They want to be a part of a family. One could say that they understand connections and have a need to love.
Or - maybe a person who cannot give, cannot love, and does not want a family is doing everyone a favor by not having one, in which case they are doing the right thing by not having one. Conversely, the person who wants a family for their own edification, or to fulfull their desires of appearance, status, or other reasoning probably isn't being magnanimous by having one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having children is also selfish. If you ask someone why they want kids, the answer is "I wanted them" or some variation of that. No one is procreating for a greater good. They're doing it because it's what they want.

Childfree people can be selfless and parents can be selfish. It has nothing to do with whether or not you have kids.

That's like saying childless people can be murderers and so can people with children.

We're talking about selfishness in the context of making the decision to have kids. Also, who says they didn't have them for the greater good. There are tons of people who feel an obligation to have kids for the greater good.

How narcissistic do you have to be to think that reproducing your genes is "for the greater good"? LOL.

Get a grip. You had kids because you wanted to. Because you wanted to be a parent. Because you wanted grandchildren. Because you wanted to have someone to take care of you when you're old and decrepit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having children is also selfish. If you ask someone why they want kids, the answer is "I wanted them" or some variation of that. No one is procreating for a greater good. They're doing it because it's what they want.

Childfree people can be selfless and parents can be selfish. It has nothing to do with whether or not you have kids.

That's like saying childless people can be murderers and so can people with children.

We're talking about selfishness in the context of making the decision to have kids. Also, who says they didn't have them for the greater good. There are tons of people who feel an obligation to have kids for the greater good.

How narcissistic do you have to be to think that reproducing your genes is "for the greater good"? LOL.

Get a grip. You had kids because you wanted to. Because you wanted to be a parent. Because you wanted grandchildren. Because you wanted to have someone to take care of you when you're old and decrepit.

No, I did it to gift the world a great poet or scientist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having children is also selfish. If you ask someone why they want kids, the answer is "I wanted them" or some variation of that. No one is procreating for a greater good. They're doing it because it's what they want.

Childfree people can be selfless and parents can be selfish. It has nothing to do with whether or not you have kids.

That's like saying childless people can be murderers and so can people with children.

We're talking about selfishness in the context of making the decision to have kids. Also, who says they didn't have them for the greater good. There are tons of people who feel an obligation to have kids for the greater good.

How narcissistic do you have to be to think that reproducing your genes is "for the greater good"? LOL.

Get a grip. You had kids because you wanted to. Because you wanted to be a parent. Because you wanted grandchildren. Because you wanted to have someone to take care of you when you're old and decrepit.

No, I did it to gift the world a great poet or scientist.

Well that is a terrible reason to have children. You should have children for selfish reasons — having them to put expectations on them isn’t fair to the kids at all. Have kids because you want them and will love them and own that it’s selfish and that’s okay.

Choosing not to have children is neither selfish nor selfless; it’s a good choice for people who’s don’t want or don’t feel capable of raising children.

[Anonymous]

My job is entirely focused on supporting the well-being of children, so I feel like I am contributing to the greater good that way and can use my evenings and weekends to build my own relationships with family and friends.

[Anonymous]

Well it is, isn’t it? And what’s bad about that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the record I do not think it's selfish to not have kids.

But I think when people say this, they say it from the perspective of having kids and knowing that having kids means putting your kids well-being first. You have to because your kids rely on you for everything and they just need so much. So the experience of parenting is an experience of giving. Sometimes it's the first or most striking experience with having to care for another human being in this way.

So I think people look at their own experience and see the selflessness parenting has required and can include that someone choosing not to be a parent is doing so because they aren't ready to be selfless in that way. I don't think this because I think degree of selflessness good parenting requires comes as a surprise to most people, as does your own willingness to do it because the level of love you feel for your kids also comes as a surprise. You think you know but you don't. People who say childless people are selfish are reasoning backwards but forgetting what it was like to actually not have kids.

If you don't have kids, your daily life is centered around you. How you want to spend your time, on a mundane level and more holistically. That's not selfish but it's just where the focal point is and what makes the most sense. Apart from extenuating circumstances like being a FT caregiver for another family member.

With kids, their needs are leading everything. From meeting infant needs to toddler demands to financial decisions, where you live, etc. Thats very different from being an aunt etc, even a very loving and helpful one.

Depends on what you do with your time, really. A nurse often goes 12 or more hours without urinating on shift, because the needs of patients come first. Sure, she made the choice to commit to them b taking the job, but that's not that dissimilar to committing to being a parent.

Try telling a construction worker putting up drywall that how he spends his time is based on meeting his own needs. Or an Amazon warehouse worker who's being timed by the half minute.

It really depends, you know? And I think a lot of people without children get challenged with "who's going to take care of you in your own age? You'll die alone." It's a selfish justification for having children that comes up **all the time** on this board.

Parents can't walk away from their job as parents, and I think that's what is often overlooked. But that doesn't mean other people always have lives that revolve around meeting their own needs in the moment and holistically. It does mean, however, that if they are choosing to put other people's needs before their own, it is a choice they recommit to each and every day, not something they are committed to because of a decision made long ago, and that they cannot get out of. It's an ongoing choice, when instead they could leave. That seems to be worth a little something, too.

This is definitely one of the most selfish reasons to have kids.

It's a terrible reason to have kids, but realistically it's a huge benefit.

People without kids wind up a corpse stuffed in a garbage bag behind Michaels.

Have you been to a nursing home? How many family members are actually spending time there? Sure, some do, and good for them, but just count up the odds of how many do vs how many don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having children is also selfish. If you ask someone why they want kids, the answer is "I wanted them" or some variation of that. No one is procreating for a greater good. They're doing it because it's what they want.

Childfree people can be selfless and parents can be selfish. It has nothing to do with whether or not you have kids.

That's like saying childless people can be murderers and so can people with children.

We're talking about selfishness in the context of making the decision to have kids. Also, who says they didn't have them for the greater good. There are tons of people who feel an obligation to have kids for the greater good.

How narcissistic do you have to be to think that reproducing your genes is "for the greater good"? LOL.

Get a grip. You had kids because you wanted to. Because you wanted to be a parent. Because you wanted grandchildren. Because you wanted to have someone to take care of you when you're old and decrepit.

No, I did it to gift the world a great poet or scientist.

So you couldn't hack being a great poet or scientist yourself, but you ecpect your kid will for you? Okay.

[Anonymous]

^^expect

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love kids, my nieces and nephews are some of my favorite humans. But I never got the ‘urge’ to be a parent and found a lot of fulfillment in other areas of my life outside of family.

I’m having a hard time putting into words why I don’t believe it’s selfish. All I can come up with is it isn’t because there’s nothing to be selfish towards? Like..how can I be selfish to something that doesn’t exist?

Because the people who have kids think everyone around them owes them free childcare, but they need to call someone selfish

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having children is also selfish. If you ask someone why they want kids, the answer is "I wanted them" or some variation of that. No one is procreating for a greater good. They're doing it because it's what they want.

Childfree people can be selfless and parents can be selfish. It has nothing to do with whether or not you have kids.

That's like saying childless people can be murderers and so can people with children.

We're talking about selfishness in the context of making the decision to have kids. Also, who says they didn't have them for the greater good. There are tons of people who feel an obligation to have kids for the greater good.

How narcissistic do you have to be to think that reproducing your genes is "for the greater good"? LOL.

Get a grip. You had kids because you wanted to. Because you wanted to be a parent. Because you wanted grandchildren. Because you wanted to have someone to take care of you when you're old and decrepit.

No, I did it to gift the world a great poet or scientist.

Why didnt you just become a great poet or scientist? No guarantee your spawn will do anything of value. They may even add negative value or be a criminal.

[Anonymous]

PSA: your kids are not doing the world any favors.

[Anonymous]

OP, I suspect it has to do with people wanting you to have kids to either be their grandchildren or cousins. That's selfish.

The comments about how having children is selfish are ridiculous. Society will literally collapse if everyone stops having children. And that may be good for the planet, but not for the people still living here. So if you expect to have healthcare, public services, infrastructure in usable condition, food, and/or any other elements of living in modern society when you are retired, don't bash people who have kids! Or, move to rural towns where the collapse is already happening.

"Already, the demographic shift is affecting where students attend school, how long residents have to wait for an ambulance and whether they can quickly see a doctor. In some cases, local governments themselves are on the verge of collapse as they struggle to fill open jobs and leadership positions."
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/too-many-old-people-a-rural-pa-town-reckons-with-population-loss/ar-BB1oIZzd?ocid=BingNewsVerp