AITA: Wife Bought Expensive Furniture W/O My Consent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider giving her a pass on this one if you can afford the furniture. Pregnant mothers want what they want and she didn't want you trying to replace her careful selection with cheap Ikea stuff. If you're planning on more than one child, remember that future children will also be using this furniture so it's worth it to buy quality pieces that will hold up for years.

IMO, $500 is too low for the "spouse authorization" rule. Consider raising the amount to $1500.

OP here. She set the limit after I purchased a $1200 glider for the living room. She decided we need
“ authorization” and a limit of $500 unless we both agreed on the purchase.

She hates the glider, OP. It wasn't about the money.

You do appear to have a failure to communicate, which doesn't bode well for when children are in the mix.

OP here. It was the price.

We have great communication.

8/10 I loled

[Anonymous]

You're having kids? Because you're both acting like them right now, and it's kinda scary to see...

You're not an AH for being upset that she made rules and then broke them herself. You have grounds to be upset about the lack of communication.

That's an obscene amount of money for furniture your kid will use for a year, but it might have decent resale value, and might last through several kids, if that's your intention.

The biggest issue here is the lack of communication. Y'all are screwed. Also, if she's butthurt about your chair, and is breaking her own little "authorization" rule to make a petty point, you're fooked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

I’d be super pissed for a lot of reasons. Money would be one. That’s a ridiculous amount. Second would be violation of our agreement. Third would be excluding me from participating in decorating the baby’s room.

OP here. This may sound bad but I don’t care about decorating the nursery. I will set it up but I could care less what the decor looks like. Same with our home. I let her pick it all because I don’t care about those things.

PP here. Based on this, I’d say something about violating the agreement. But I wouldn’t ask that furniture be returned. Here’s why. Sometimes it’s worth overspending if it makes your spouse happy. The couple thousand you spend isn’t going to mean anything over time so long as overspending isn’t a habit but giving this gift to your wife will. I’d still say something about the agreement though.

OP here. I’m not asking her to return anything, though it won’t be here for another 1-2 months.

I just care that I wasn’t included. If it’s was $1-2k, I wouldn’t care, but $6611.42 is a lot of money to spend without letting me know. We still plan on buying our stroller - $1300 and my wife plans to buy her postpartum care stuff - $500. We will also be renting a fancy rocker bassinet of possibly buying - $1600.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

That is A LOT for baby furniture, did she get everything she needs or is there still stuff missing? Did she buy qualify or cheap stuff with an expensive label?

OP here. She did. We do need little things still.

She purchased

Larkin crib + conversion kit
Larkin dresser w/ changing table top
Larkin nightstand
Larkin bookcase
Comfort swivel glider + ottoman
Faye rug + runner

No way the DH knows this. This is the wife posting....

In a world where you can circle an item in a photo on your phone and get the detailed info, you post this? :roll:

OP here. I do have the capability to look up what she purchased on the laptop we both use. I’m kind of smart, ya know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t live like this. That’s why we have separate accounts. If I had to clear everything over $500 with my spouse I would be so cranky. I don’t mind staying within a budget by category or by time period, but arguing with him about what is “reasonable” to spend on a dresser or whatever would make me so cranky.

OP here. She set the boundaries and the $500 limit, not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're having kids? Because you're both acting like them right now, and it's kinda scary to see...

You're not an AH for being upset that she made rules and then broke them herself. You have grounds to be upset about the lack of communication.

That's an obscene amount of money for furniture your kid will use for a year, but it might have decent resale value, and might last through several kids, if that's your intention.

The biggest issue here is the lack of communication. Y'all are screwed. Also, if she's butthurt about your chair, and is breaking her own little "authorization" rule to make a petty point, you're fooked.

I spent that much on the drapes and it is completely fine. We can afford it. People have wildly different ideas about what to spend on interiors, like cars or whatever else. I wouldn’t buy a Mercedes, but I don’t tell people who do that they are “obscene.” That’s so pedantic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much over?

Technically if each individual piece was within the limit, she did nothing wrong.

OP here. It was $6600. Most of the items were exceeding the $500. I’m just annoyed she did not let me know about a purchase this large.

That is A LOT for baby furniture, did she get everything she needs or is there still stuff missing? Did she buy qualify or cheap stuff with an expensive label?

OP here. She did. We do need little things still.

She purchased

Larkin crib + conversion kit
Larkin dresser w/ changing table top
Larkin nightstand
Larkin bookcase
Comfort swivel glider + ottoman
Faye rug + runner

No way the DH knows this. This is the wife posting....

In a world where you can circle an item in a photo on your phone and get the detailed info, you post this? :roll:

Idk, it is an awful lot to type in.

OP here. You know men can read and navigate a laptop, right? I’m not illiterate.

[Anonymous]

You should have communicated with each other, but it's not the end of the world if you can easily afford it.

Also, I wouldn't rely on the credit card to alert a partner about a big purchase. Just TALK to each other about spending and decision making and when to consult each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Consider giving her a pass on this one if you can afford the furniture. Pregnant mothers want what they want and she didn't want you trying to replace her careful selection with cheap Ikea stuff. If you're planning on more than one child, remember that future children will also be using this furniture so it's worth it to buy quality pieces that will hold up for years.

IMO, $500 is too low for the "spouse authorization" rule. Consider raising the amount to $1500.

OP here. She set the limit after I purchased a $1200 glider for the living room. She decided we need
“ authorization” and a limit of $500 unless we both agreed on the purchase.

She hates the glider, OP. It wasn't about the money.

You do appear to have a failure to communicate, which doesn't bode well for when children are in the mix.

OP here. It was the price.

We have great communication.

8/10 I loled

OP here. I don’t have to prove myself to you but we do. We have great communication 95% of the time.

[Anonymous]

I would be possed too OP.

When spouse and I married, 25 years ago, we discussed that anything over $500 we'd discuss with each other first. Over the years, we raised it to over $1,000.

And, I have never purchased anything at those amounts without discussing it with my spouse. TWICE, he did. And both times I was beyond furious. Both had to do with sports, one he didn't even go to (and didn't sell tickets, ended up essentially throwing away over $1500), and one he did, but that one pissed me off more because again he didn't discuss it with me as we both had agreed to do, and we didn't have the $3k he blew on a stupid sporting event at the time.

Was in the dog house for a long, long time. And no, I still never went and blew money that way, and would never selfishly spend that way on myself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sir, are a dik!

He may be, but he is still in the right here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she had let you know, would you have said no?

OP here. I would have suggested we look at cheaper options.

Different poster, but that is why she didn't tell you. Nesting mothers-to-be are not in the mood for compromise. Take a look at the cost of nursery furniture in general. You'll probably see comparable prices. This furniture will probably last for all the children you choose to have and have a decent resale value once you are done with it. Unless this breaks the bank, it isn't worth the aggravation. Let it go.

OP here. I do agree that I’m more upset about her blowing the $500 limit than the purchase itself. We can afford the purchase, it’s just that she made a big deal about me spending $1200 on a glider, and set the $500 with authorization. This was in May and then now she goes and buys all of this without letting me know.

If she buys all the furniture in the house, how did you end up buying a glider for the living room? Is there any chance she was more upset about what you bought than how much it cost?

OP here. She bought 98% of the furniture when we bought this place. I let her design it and pick out what she wanted because I didn’t care much. We are both more into neutral colors.

I had a recliner that broke shortly after moving in and bought another one. I’m the only one that uses it.

She cared about the price, not the piece of furniture. It fits well with everything else in our living room.

Oh, that was nice of you. You let her spend hours thinking about your home and making the place you live pleasant and comfortable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're having kids? Because you're both acting like them right now, and it's kinda scary to see...

You're not an AH for being upset that she made rules and then broke them herself. You have grounds to be upset about the lack of communication.

That's an obscene amount of money for furniture your kid will use for a year, but it might have decent resale value, and might last through several kids, if that's your intention.

The biggest issue here is the lack of communication. Y'all are screwed. Also, if she's butthurt about your chair, and is breaking her own little "authorization" rule to make a petty point, you're fooked.

OP here. You’re reading too much into it. She didn’t do it out of pettiness, she wanted the furniture, and assumed it would be okay because I should know it would be over $500.

She wasn’t upset about the chair. It was the price. This was after we spent about $40k furnishing our new home. I think she just got freaked out because we had so many large expenses within a couple of months.

We have great communication. Very calm and easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she had let you know, would you have said no?

OP here. I would have suggested we look at cheaper options.

Different poster, but that is why she didn't tell you. Nesting mothers-to-be are not in the mood for compromise. Take a look at the cost of nursery furniture in general. You'll probably see comparable prices. This furniture will probably last for all the children you choose to have and have a decent resale value once you are done with it. Unless this breaks the bank, it isn't worth the aggravation. Let it go.

OP here. I do agree that I’m more upset about her blowing the $500 limit than the purchase itself. We can afford the purchase, it’s just that she made a big deal about me spending $1200 on a glider, and set the $500 with authorization. This was in May and then now she goes and buys all of this without letting me know.

If she buys all the furniture in the house, how did you end up buying a glider for the living room? Is there any chance she was more upset about what you bought than how much it cost?

OP here. She bought 98% of the furniture when we bought this place. I let her design it and pick out what she wanted because I didn’t care much. We are both more into neutral colors.

I had a recliner that broke shortly after moving in and bought another one. I’m the only one that uses it.

She cared about the price, not the piece of furniture. It fits well with everything else in our living room.

Oh, that was nice of you. You let her spend hours thinking about your home and making the place you live pleasant and comfortable?

OP here. She wanted to. She was excited to have a place of our own where she can fully decided what paint colors, couch color, dinning room table, etc. She loved being able to purchase whatever she wanted and design the spaces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she had let you know, would you have said no?

OP here. I would have suggested we look at cheaper options.

This is why she didn’t tell you. You don’t care, but you still have a strong opinion.
Basically, this means that you want to be in charge, but you don’t want to actually put any time and effort into it.