AITA? Teens and extended summer trips

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

This is hilarious.

DH is shorthand for husband. They are married and until they divorce they both have full custody of their children and there is no scenario where a summer trip would be a legal issue.

It sounds like the husband is jealous the mom and kids are going to have fun without him.

I honestly don’t get how people are saying this is okay. So as a mom who has a non telework friendly job, my teleworking DH can just inform me that he is taking the kids to spend the entire summer with his family in another state and I have no recourse to prevent him from doing so and effectively depriving me of seeing my children for 8-10 weeks? Thankfully he isn’t an a**hole and would never dream of doing so but still that just doesn’t seem right.

What if rather than being teens the children were preschool aged or younger? Does that change your perspective? This isn’t a case of DH just being jealous of missing out on a fun experience but rather a significant chunk of time in his children’s life.

So even if it were a great opportunity for your kids, you'd say no because it's not good for you?

That's a bummer.

They’re going to spend a summer in a op’s (self-proclaimed) “amazing cool” hometown”, not participating in some transformative irreplaceable opportunity. Sure it will probably be fun for the kids but it doesn’t justify or necessitate shutting DH out and separating the family for an entire summer rather than just spending a couple weeks there.

Are people who send their kids to camp for the shutting the parents out of the kids’ lives?
You are being very dramatic here.

Do you truly not see a difference between two parents jointly deciding to send their kids to camp for 10 weeks versus one parent unilaterally deciding to travel for 10 weeks with their kids while excluding the other parent against their wishes?

I think you intentionally misread - of course he was invited. He chose not to come due to pet reasons. He was the one who got those pets.

I think by intentionally misread you mean failed to magically intuit a blatant typo, but yes that is a game changing piece of info!

I didn’t realize there was a typo. No need to get us upset about this. Anyway, this thread has taken a strange turn. Not interested in it anymore. Certainly don’t need Jeff to highlight it in his case summaries. So, please don’t.

I don’t get why people are jumping all over you, OP.
I don’t even really understand why your husband is mad. Why do you think he’s mad? Is it missing sex? Is it missing the time with the kids? Is it missing having someone to cook for him and do his laundry? Does he not have any other friends? Is he just the kind of person who can’t be alone?

[Anonymous]

Taking your kids away from DH for 2 months, yeah, YATA.

[Anonymous]

Op, I was the one of the original pp’s blasting you but (assuming the additional/clarifying details are true) am now much more on your side

You just did yourself no favors with your original post - including typos that prevented most from understanding that a key sticking point was related to DH’s acquiring pets and failing to specify that he had originally agreed to spending summers away as a condition of relocating and the fact that he also has the option of teleworking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

This is hilarious.

DH is shorthand for husband. They are married and until they divorce they both have full custody of their children and there is no scenario where a summer trip would be a legal issue.

It sounds like the husband is jealous the mom and kids are going to have fun without him.

I honestly don’t get how people are saying this is okay. So as a mom who has a non telework friendly job, my teleworking DH can just inform me that he is taking the kids to spend the entire summer with his family in another state and I have no recourse to prevent him from doing so and effectively depriving me of seeing my children for 8-10 weeks? Thankfully he isn’t an a**hole and would never dream of doing so but still that just doesn’t seem right.

What if rather than being teens the children were preschool aged or younger? Does that change your perspective? This isn’t a case of DH just being jealous of missing out on a fun experience but rather a significant chunk of time in his children’s life.

So even if it were a great opportunity for your kids, you'd say no because it's not good for you?

That's a bummer.

They’re going to spend a summer in a op’s (self-proclaimed) “amazing cool” hometown”, not participating in some transformative irreplaceable opportunity. Sure it will probably be fun for the kids but it doesn’t justify or necessitate shutting DH out and separating the family for an entire summer rather than just spending a couple weeks there.

Are people who send their kids to camp for the shutting the parents out of the kids’ lives?
You are being very dramatic here.

Do you truly not see a difference between two parents jointly deciding to send their kids to camp for 10 weeks versus one parent unilaterally deciding to travel for 10 weeks with their kids while excluding the other parent against their wishes?

I think you intentionally misread - of course he was invited. He chose not to come due to pet reasons. He was the one who got those pets.

Oh, so the "per situation" was "pet situation"?

Yes, he got them over my objections (for specifically those reasons - inability to travel, or at least making travel expensive as sitters are needed throughout the entire time.

You guys are doomed. You DGAF about his pets or his desire to stay with the family. Have fun with the divorce.

I mean, if he wanted the family to stay, then he could find something somewhat enticing about staying where he is. Join a pool or something.
I mean, who wants to spend the summer sitting at home in Texas?

The enticing thing is HIM. You know, the man you married and claim to love. Jesus you really are doomed.

I’m not the OP.
You can love someone and still be aware that they aren't going to provide hours of daily entertainment and stimulation for teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking your kids away from DH for 2 months, yeah, YATA.

Whatever. It’s obviously not about the kids. If she had signed the kids up as junior counselors at a summer camp and they were excited about going and her DH nixed it at the last minute because he wanted them to walk the dogs every day and watch television with him in the evening, then he would be the A. Even if she didn’t talk to him about it before sending the kids away, he would be a jerk to not let them go. It’s not about what’s best for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

This is hilarious.

DH is shorthand for husband. They are married and until they divorce they both have full custody of their children and there is no scenario where a summer trip would be a legal issue.

It sounds like the husband is jealous the mom and kids are going to have fun without him.

I honestly don’t get how people are saying this is okay. So as a mom who has a non telework friendly job, my teleworking DH can just inform me that he is taking the kids to spend the entire summer with his family in another state and I have no recourse to prevent him from doing so and effectively depriving me of seeing my children for 8-10 weeks? Thankfully he isn’t an a**hole and would never dream of doing so but still that just doesn’t seem right.

What if rather than being teens the children were preschool aged or younger? Does that change your perspective? This isn’t a case of DH just being jealous of missing out on a fun experience but rather a significant chunk of time in his children’s life.

So even if it were a great opportunity for your kids, you'd say no because it's not good for you?

That's a bummer.

They’re going to spend a summer in a op’s (self-proclaimed) “amazing cool” hometown”, not participating in some transformative irreplaceable opportunity. Sure it will probably be fun for the kids but it doesn’t justify or necessitate shutting DH out and separating the family for an entire summer rather than just spending a couple weeks there.

Are people who send their kids to camp for the shutting the parents out of the kids’ lives?
You are being very dramatic here.

Do you truly not see a difference between two parents jointly deciding to send their kids to camp for 10 weeks versus one parent unilaterally deciding to travel for 10 weeks with their kids while excluding the other parent against their wishes?

I think you intentionally misread - of course he was invited. He chose not to come due to pet reasons. He was the one who got those pets.

I think by intentionally misread you mean failed to magically intuit a blatant typo, but yes that is a game changing piece of info!

I didn’t realize there was a typo. No need to get us upset about this. Anyway, this thread has taken a strange turn. Not interested in it anymore. Certainly don’t need Jeff to highlight it in his case summaries. So, please don’t.

Just to summarize:

You posted a relatively provocative thread specifically asking for opinions on “who is right”, subsequently attacked those who didn’t support you, next provided a host of previous unshared information to bolster your case and are now declaring yourself uninterested and criticizing others for engaging on the topic

[Anonymous]

Meh, still on OPs side.

DH can/should board the dogs or hire an in-home pet sitter. Trusted house sitters is a popular site if you live in a desirable area (I'm not sure texas in the summer qualifies, but..). If the kids were in camp all summer none of the pps would be making a peep. Or if they were sent to grandmas house for the summer. But all of a sudden its a big deal because one parent will be there? Seems dumb.

Not every couple/family has to be joined at the hip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the trickle truth from OP, I can’t tell if she is a troll or not, but no one mentioned the biggest issue I have with this which is…SEX! Going that long without or with just a quick visit or two would not be preferable to either of us.

Yes. This would be a much bigger issue for my husband than not seeing the kids for the summer.

Wow, what a piece of shit your husband is then.

[Anonymous]

NTA once I read the further comments that it’s bc of a dog that he can’t go.

But the nature of your responses are unnecessarily aggressive. This isn’t a great way of handling conflict to go to insults, it makes me wonder how you’ve communicated all of this to him.

Anyway, I’d still go bc I can’t imagine your teens are going to want to leave their friends another summer depending on their ages, and sports commitments. If you otherwise get along with hubby then consider cutting the summer a little short - your kids are going to get bored of even this awesome city and want to be home so you might leave it open as to return date and let them guide things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the trickle truth from OP, I can’t tell if she is a troll or not, but no one mentioned the biggest issue I have with this which is…SEX! Going that long without or with just a quick visit or two would not be preferable to either of us.

Yes. This would be a much bigger issue for my husband than not seeing the kids for the summer.

Wow, what a piece of shit your husband is then.

I don’t think so. My 14 year old is going to some kind of boys camp on an island in Maine for 8 weeks this summer, and my husband is really excited for him to have this experience. OTOH, he would really miss me if I were gone for the same amount of time.

I think it’s normal for men to miss their wives more than they would miss their teenage kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the trickle truth from OP, I can’t tell if she is a troll or not, but no one mentioned the biggest issue I have with this which is…SEX! Going that long without or with just a quick visit or two would not be preferable to either of us.

Yes. This would be a much bigger issue for my husband than not seeing the kids for the summer.

Wow, what a piece of shit your husband is then.

I don’t think so. My 14 year old is going to some kind of boys camp on an island in Maine for 8 weeks this summer, and my husband is really excited for him to have this experience. OTOH, he would really miss me if I were gone for the same amount of time.

I think it’s normal for men to miss their wives more than they would miss their teenage kids.

DP - If your husband can't handle a month or two without sex and thus torpedoes your summer plans, he's absolutely a POS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, still on OPs side.

DH can/should board the dogs or hire an in-home pet sitter. Trusted house sitters is a popular site if you live in a desirable area (I'm not sure texas in the summer qualifies, but..). If the kids were in camp all summer none of the pps would be making a peep. Or if they were sent to grandmas house for the summer. But all of a sudden its a big deal because one parent will be there? Seems dumb.

Not every couple/family has to be joined at the hip.

I am too. I think that people are also missing that OP has to work. I’m guessing that she was planning on the kids extended family being around while she was working.

[Anonymous]

2 months is a long time. YTA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Given the trickle truth from OP, I can’t tell if she is a troll or not, but no one mentioned the biggest issue I have with this which is…SEX! Going that long without or with just a quick visit or two would not be preferable to either of us.

Yes. This would be a much bigger issue for my husband than not seeing the kids for the summer.

Wow, what a piece of shit your husband is then.

I don’t think so. My 14 year old is going to some kind of boys camp on an island in Maine for 8 weeks this summer, and my husband is really excited for him to have this experience. OTOH, he would really miss me if I were gone for the same amount of time.

I think it’s normal for men to miss their wives more than they would miss their teenage kids.

DP - If your husband can't handle a month or two without sex and thus torpedoes your summer plans, he's absolutely a POS.

My DH wouldn’t torpedo these plans, and I agree that the OP’s husband is a POS.
I don’t know what this guy’s issue is, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t about the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh, still on OPs side.

DH can/should board the dogs or hire an in-home pet sitter. Trusted house sitters is a popular site if you live in a desirable area (I'm not sure texas in the summer qualifies, but..). If the kids were in camp all summer none of the pps would be making a peep. Or if they were sent to grandmas house for the summer. But all of a sudden its a big deal because one parent will be there? Seems dumb.

Not every couple/family has to be joined at the hip.

Its a big deal because it’s one parent unilaterally deciding against the other’s wishes versus a married couple making a decision as partners. If one parent unilaterally wanted to move their kids to grandma‘s house for the school year because they believed it was a better environment for them is that also okay?

Absent a divorce and custody agreement what exactly is the timeframe/cutoff period that its acceptable to separate your child from the other parent against said parent’s wishes?