AITA? Teens and extended summer trips

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

This is hilarious.

DH is shorthand for husband. They are married and until they divorce they both have full custody of their children and there is no scenario where a summer trip would be a legal issue.

It sounds like the husband is jealous the mom and kids are going to have fun without him.

I honestly don’t get how people are saying this is okay. So as a mom who has a non telework friendly job, my teleworking DH can just inform me that he is taking the kids to spend the entire summer with his family in another state and I have no recourse to prevent him from doing so and effectively depriving me of seeing my children for 8-10 weeks? Thankfully he isn’t an a**hole and would never dream of doing so but still that just doesn’t seem right.

What if rather than being teens the children were preschool aged or younger? Does that change your perspective? This isn’t a case of DH just being jealous of missing out on a fun experience but rather a significant chunk of time in his children’s life.

So even if it were a great opportunity for your kids, you'd say no because it's not good for you?

That's a bummer.

They’re going to spend a summer in a op’s (self-proclaimed) “amazing cool” hometown”, not participating in some transformative irreplaceable opportunity. Sure it will probably be fun for the kids but it doesn’t justify or necessitate shutting DH out and separating the family for an entire summer rather than just spending a couple weeks there.

FWIW, if my husband wanted to take our kids to his hometown for the summer, I'd encourage it and come visit for a couple weekends. Great memories for them. But different strokes, apparently.

+1. I would seriously consider it a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, still on OPs side.

DH can/should board the dogs or hire an in-home pet sitter. Trusted house sitters is a popular site if you live in a desirable area (I'm not sure texas in the summer qualifies, but..). If the kids were in camp all summer none of the pps would be making a peep. Or if they were sent to grandmas house for the summer. But all of a sudden its a big deal because one parent will be there? Seems dumb.

Not every couple/family has to be joined at the hip.

Its a big deal because it’s one parent unilaterally deciding against the other’s wishes versus a married couple making a decision as partners. If one parent unilaterally wanted to move their kids to grandma‘s house for the school year because they believed it was a better environment for them is that also okay?

Absent a divorce and custody agreement what exactly is the timeframe/cutoff period that its acceptable to separate your child from the other parent against said parent’s wishes?

Have you read the thread? It wasnt unilateral. This was the original plan. OPs husband is backing out/changing the plan. Instead they are just going to sit in the house while both parents are working, bored, in the middle of hell (Texas). How is that better?

Yes, I have read the thread and am basing my opinion on the op’s original telling of the situation rather than her reframing 3 pages later to try to gain sympathy when the responses aren’t going her way.

Also I’m fairly confident that the alternative doesn’t have to be simply sitting in the house doing nothing and that there are in fact many opportunities for summer jobs/camps/educational programs for teens (even in Texas)

Gag
Who would rather work than go on vacation? Seriously lol.

Who is paying for the vacation?… Probably not op.

Why not OP?

Typically the spouse who has the flexibility to travel for the entire summer with the children is not the primary earner….I’m sure in this case op will come back with contradictory info though

I don’t think that’s typical at all. Maybe it was before everyone in law/finance/tech was working remotely. But not anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

This is hilarious.

DH is shorthand for husband. They are married and until they divorce they both have full custody of their children and there is no scenario where a summer trip would be a legal issue.

It sounds like the husband is jealous the mom and kids are going to have fun without him.

I honestly don’t get how people are saying this is okay. So as a mom who has a non telework friendly job, my teleworking DH can just inform me that he is taking the kids to spend the entire summer with his family in another state and I have no recourse to prevent him from doing so and effectively depriving me of seeing my children for 8-10 weeks? Thankfully he isn’t an a**hole and would never dream of doing so but still that just doesn’t seem right.

What if rather than being teens the children were preschool aged or younger? Does that change your perspective? This isn’t a case of DH just being jealous of missing out on a fun experience but rather a significant chunk of time in his children’s life.

I would hope this would be a dialog between the parents and I think it's really pretty immature of one parent to say "I can't go so no one can". This situation begs for some kind of compromise - maybe the teleworking parent goes for a shorter time or the non-teleworking parent comes for part of the time.

Yeah it would be immature of a parent to say “I can’t go so no one can” but that’s not actually what’s happening here.
.

Isn’t that actually what’s happening here? One parent is saying “I don’t want to go so no one can.”

The actual op basically just says that she is taking the kids out of town for two months and DH is angry about it. No where does it say he has forbidden her/the children from going or that she has offered up any sort of compromise or tried accommodate his perspective.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, this thread has brought out so many nasty comments, people have made assumptions, and when clarifications were made, they were dismissed as a “change of story.” I sometimes wonder how cultured and civilized DCUM folks are. Especially since they all claim to be big law partners, diplomats and old money 1%ers. Certainly doesn’t seem like it from these posts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this thread has brought out so many nasty comments, people have made assumptions, and when clarifications were made, they were dismissed as a “change of story.” I sometimes wonder how cultured and civilized DCUM folks are. Especially since they all claim to be big law partners, diplomats and old money 1%ers. Certainly doesn’t seem like it from these posts.

Its all the sahms that cant imagine being away from precious lileigh for more than a day or two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, still on OPs side.

DH can/should board the dogs or hire an in-home pet sitter. Trusted house sitters is a popular site if you live in a desirable area (I'm not sure texas in the summer qualifies, but..). If the kids were in camp all summer none of the pps would be making a peep. Or if they were sent to grandmas house for the summer. But all of a sudden its a big deal because one parent will be there? Seems dumb.

Not every couple/family has to be joined at the hip.

Its a big deal because it’s one parent unilaterally deciding against the other’s wishes versus a married couple making a decision as partners. If one parent unilaterally wanted to move their kids to grandma‘s house for the school year because they believed it was a better environment for them is that also okay?

Absent a divorce and custody agreement what exactly is the timeframe/cutoff period that its acceptable to separate your child from the other parent against said parent’s wishes?

Have you read the thread? It wasnt unilateral. This was the original plan. OPs husband is backing out/changing the plan. Instead they are just going to sit in the house while both parents are working, bored, in the middle of hell (Texas). How is that better?

Yes, I have read the thread and am basing my opinion on the op’s original telling of the situation rather than her reframing 3 pages later to try to gain sympathy when the responses aren’t going her way.

Also I’m fairly confident that the alternative doesn’t have to be simply sitting in the house doing nothing and that there are in fact many opportunities for summer jobs/camps/educational programs for teens (even in Texas)

Gag
Who would rather work than go on vacation? Seriously lol.

Who is paying for the vacation?… Probably not op.

Why not OP?

Typically the spouse who has the flexibility to travel for the entire summer with the children is not the primary earner….I’m sure in this case op will come back with contradictory info though

You havent been reading the thread I'm guessing. OP said her DH is also remote. He can't/won't leave because he got pets against OPs wishes and now can't leave them.

Making sexist assumptions on earnings is pretty gross, I hope you check your misogyny.

I’ve been reading the thread closely and op only said that her DH was also also remote about 5 pages in and then falsely tried to claim that she had said so from the beginning.

Regarding the “sexist assumptions” maybe you should check your own misogyny. What I said is that typically the spouse with the greater flexibility to travel out of town throughout the summer is not the higher earner. That has absolutely nothing to do with gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, still on OPs side.

DH can/should board the dogs or hire an in-home pet sitter. Trusted house sitters is a popular site if you live in a desirable area (I'm not sure texas in the summer qualifies, but..). If the kids were in camp all summer none of the pps would be making a peep. Or if they were sent to grandmas house for the summer. But all of a sudden its a big deal because one parent will be there? Seems dumb.

Not every couple/family has to be joined at the hip.

Its a big deal because it’s one parent unilaterally deciding against the other’s wishes versus a married couple making a decision as partners. If one parent unilaterally wanted to move their kids to grandma‘s house for the school year because they believed it was a better environment for them is that also okay?

Absent a divorce and custody agreement what exactly is the timeframe/cutoff period that its acceptable to separate your child from the other parent against said parent’s wishes?

Have you read the thread? It wasnt unilateral. This was the original plan. OPs husband is backing out/changing the plan. Instead they are just going to sit in the house while both parents are working, bored, in the middle of hell (Texas). How is that better?

Yes, I have read the thread and am basing my opinion on the op’s original telling of the situation rather than her reframing 3 pages later to try to gain sympathy when the responses aren’t going her way.

Also I’m fairly confident that the alternative doesn’t have to be simply sitting in the house doing nothing and that there are in fact many opportunities for summer jobs/camps/educational programs for teens (even in Texas)

Gag
Who would rather work than go on vacation? Seriously lol.

Who is paying for the vacation?… Probably not op.

Why not OP?

Typically the spouse who has the flexibility to travel for the entire summer with the children is not the primary earner….I’m sure in this case op will come back with contradictory info though

You havent been reading the thread I'm guessing. OP said her DH is also remote. He can't/won't leave because he got pets against OPs wishes and now can't leave them.

Making sexist assumptions on earnings is pretty gross, I hope you check your misogyny.

I’ve been reading the thread closely and op only said that her DH was also also remote about 5 pages in and then falsely tried to claim that she had said so from the beginning.

Regarding the “sexist assumptions” maybe you should check your own misogyny. What I said is that typically the spouse with the greater flexibility to travel out of town throughout the summer is not the higher earner. That has absolutely nothing to do with gender.

You only said that when called out on it. And originally you insinuated that OP, a woman, would not be the one paying for the vacation. So yeah, check your misogyny. It aint cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

This is hilarious.

DH is shorthand for husband. They are married and until they divorce they both have full custody of their children and there is no scenario where a summer trip would be a legal issue.

It sounds like the husband is jealous the mom and kids are going to have fun without him.

I honestly don’t get how people are saying this is okay. So as a mom who has a non telework friendly job, my teleworking DH can just inform me that he is taking the kids to spend the entire summer with his family in another state and I have no recourse to prevent him from doing so and effectively depriving me of seeing my children for 8-10 weeks? Thankfully he isn’t an a**hole and would never dream of doing so but still that just doesn’t seem right.

What if rather than being teens the children were preschool aged or younger? Does that change your perspective? This isn’t a case of DH just being jealous of missing out on a fun experience but rather a significant chunk of time in his children’s life.

So even if it were a great opportunity for your kids, you'd say no because it's not good for you?

That's a bummer.

They’re going to spend a summer in a op’s (self-proclaimed) “amazing cool” hometown”, not participating in some transformative irreplaceable opportunity. Sure it will probably be fun for the kids but it doesn’t justify or necessitate shutting DH out and separating the family for an entire summer rather than just spending a couple weeks there.

Are people who send their kids to camp for the shutting the parents out of the kids’ lives?
You are being very dramatic here.

Do you truly not see a difference between two parents jointly deciding to send their kids to camp for 10 weeks versus one parent unilaterally deciding to travel for 10 weeks with their kids while excluding the other parent against their wishes?

I think you intentionally misread - of course he was invited. He chose not to come due to pet reasons. He was the one who got those pets.

I think by intentionally misread you mean failed to magically intuit a blatant typo, but yes that is a game changing piece of info!

I didn’t realize there was a typo. No need to get us upset about this. Anyway, this thread has taken a strange turn. Not interested in it anymore. Certainly don’t need Jeff to highlight it in his case summaries. So, please don’t.

Just to summarize:

You posted a relatively provocative thread specifically asking for opinions on “who is right”, subsequently attacked those who didn’t support you, next provided a host of previous unshared information to bolster your case and are now declaring yourself uninterested and criticizing others for engaging on the topic

+100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meh, still on OPs side.

DH can/should board the dogs or hire an in-home pet sitter. Trusted house sitters is a popular site if you live in a desirable area (I'm not sure texas in the summer qualifies, but..). If the kids were in camp all summer none of the pps would be making a peep. Or if they were sent to grandmas house for the summer. But all of a sudden its a big deal because one parent will be there? Seems dumb.

Not every couple/family has to be joined at the hip.

Its a big deal because it’s one parent unilaterally deciding against the other’s wishes versus a married couple making a decision as partners. If one parent unilaterally wanted to move their kids to grandma‘s house for the school year because they believed it was a better environment for them is that also okay?

Absent a divorce and custody agreement what exactly is the timeframe/cutoff period that its acceptable to separate your child from the other parent against said parent’s wishes?

Have you read the thread? It wasnt unilateral. This was the original plan. OPs husband is backing out/changing the plan. Instead they are just going to sit in the house while both parents are working, bored, in the middle of hell (Texas). How is that better?

Yes, I have read the thread and am basing my opinion on the op’s original telling of the situation rather than her reframing 3 pages later to try to gain sympathy when the responses aren’t going her way.

Also I’m fairly confident that the alternative doesn’t have to be simply sitting in the house doing nothing and that there are in fact many opportunities for summer jobs/camps/educational programs for teens (even in Texas)

Gag
Who would rather work than go on vacation? Seriously lol.

Who is paying for the vacation?… Probably not op.

Why not OP?

Typically the spouse who has the flexibility to travel for the entire summer with the children is not the primary earner….I’m sure in this case op will come back with contradictory info though

You havent been reading the thread I'm guessing. OP said her DH is also remote. He can't/won't leave because he got pets against OPs wishes and now can't leave them.

Making sexist assumptions on earnings is pretty gross, I hope you check your misogyny.

I’ve been reading the thread closely and op only said that her DH was also also remote about 5 pages in and then falsely tried to claim that she had said so from the beginning.

Regarding the “sexist assumptions” maybe you should check your own misogyny. What I said is that typically the spouse with the greater flexibility to travel out of town throughout the summer is not the higher earner. That has absolutely nothing to do with gender.

You said the DH is probably paying - as OP works remotely. Since you read the thread so carefully, you must have noticed that the DH also works remotely - so why are you still assuming the DH makes more. This is utterly misogynistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

This is hilarious.

DH is shorthand for husband. They are married and until they divorce they both have full custody of their children and there is no scenario where a summer trip would be a legal issue.

It sounds like the husband is jealous the mom and kids are going to have fun without him.

I honestly don’t get how people are saying this is okay. So as a mom who has a non telework friendly job, my teleworking DH can just inform me that he is taking the kids to spend the entire summer with his family in another state and I have no recourse to prevent him from doing so and effectively depriving me of seeing my children for 8-10 weeks? Thankfully he isn’t an a**hole and would never dream of doing so but still that just doesn’t seem right.

What if rather than being teens the children were preschool aged or younger? Does that change your perspective? This isn’t a case of DH just being jealous of missing out on a fun experience but rather a significant chunk of time in his children’s life.

I would hope this would be a dialog between the parents and I think it's really pretty immature of one parent to say "I can't go so no one can". This situation begs for some kind of compromise - maybe the teleworking parent goes for a shorter time or the non-teleworking parent comes for part of the time.

Yeah it would be immature of a parent to say “I can’t go so no one can” but that’s not actually what’s happening here.
.

Isn’t that actually what’s happening here? One parent is saying “I don’t want to go so no one can.”

The actual op basically just says that she is taking the kids out of town for two months and DH is angry about it. No where does it say he has forbidden her/the children from going or that she has offered up any sort of compromise or tried accommodate his perspective.

Becoming angry that they are going is basically saying that they can’t go. Or that he doesn’t want them to anyway.

As for who should compromise more, I think it depends on the timeline of when this was planned and who threw the wrench in summer plans.

It was my assumption that this was planned for several months, and the DH is just now bringing up his objections because he doesn’t want to go. In that case, it’s on him to figure out how to make it work.
If this is a spontaneous trip, and he brought up objections as soon as she voiced the idea, that’s very different.

[Anonymous]

I can’t imagine doing this to my family. Going away without a parent for the summer is fine if there is an opportunity for visits. But OP never mentioned that her DH would be able to visit. People defending her are just assuming that’s a possibility.

[Anonymous]

Do your kids not have friends in your town or wut

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine doing this to my family. Going away without a parent for the summer is fine if there is an opportunity for visits. But OP never mentioned that her DH would be able to visit. People defending her are just assuming that’s a possibility.

I’m assuming that he has been okay with this since whenever they started making summer plans, which is typically January/February if the kids go to camps or play sports. And suddenly in June, he’s not happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine doing this to my family. Going away without a parent for the summer is fine if there is an opportunity for visits. But OP never mentioned that her DH would be able to visit. People defending her are just assuming that’s a possibility.

Well multiple children, plus OP are all in on it. Why is DH being a stick in the mud and changing his mind?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, this thread has brought out so many nasty comments, people have made assumptions, and when clarifications were made, they were dismissed as a “change of story.” I sometimes wonder how cultured and civilized DCUM folks are. Especially since they all claim to be big law partners, diplomats and old money 1%ers. Certainly doesn’t seem like it from these posts.

I think this thread was originally posted in the relationships forum and brought out at lot of the MRA dudes that post there.