AITA? Teens and extended summer trips

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Reading between the lines, it sounds like there’s more to this story. Not sure what “per situation” was supposed to be before the typo/ autocorrect, but it kind of sounds like you’re punishing him for some decision you didn’t agree with.

Possibly it’s unconscious on your part, or maybe that’s just his interpretation of the situation, but I’d highly suggest dealing with it before you leave. Two months apart to stew isn’t going to improve the situation, and it’s going to keep spilling over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

This is hilarious.

DH is shorthand for husband. They are married and until they divorce they both have full custody of their children and there is no scenario where a summer trip would be a legal issue.

It sounds like the husband is jealous the mom and kids are going to have fun without him.

I honestly don’t get how people are saying this is okay. So as a mom who has a non telework friendly job, my teleworking DH can just inform me that he is taking the kids to spend the entire summer with his family in another state and I have no recourse to prevent him from doing so and effectively depriving me of seeing my children for 8-10 weeks? Thankfully he isn’t an a**hole and would never dream of doing so but still that just doesn’t seem right.

What if rather than being teens the children were preschool aged or younger? Does that change your perspective? This isn’t a case of DH just being jealous of missing out on a fun experience but rather a significant chunk of time in his children’s life.

So even if it were a great opportunity for your kids, you'd say no because it's not good for you?

That's a bummer.

They’re going to spend a summer in a op’s (self-proclaimed) “amazing cool” hometown”, not participating in some transformative irreplaceable opportunity. Sure it will probably be fun for the kids but it doesn’t justify or necessitate shutting DH out and separating the family for an entire summer rather than just spending a couple weeks there.

[Anonymous]

How far away is home town? Are you staying with your family? If the latter, my DH would pass on this, gladly, and come visit for a few weekends. I would also trim the time to maybe a couple weeks at a clip, and then return. Need more details here. What is a "per" situation?

[Anonymous]

As the left-behind spouse I would be very very upset. And it is a major marital red flag to me that OP is not concerned about going 2 months without seeing her husband, nor does she care that this bothers him.

[Anonymous]

NP. I grew up spending the summers with grandparents 10,000 miles away. My dad couldn't come. My mom came. I would have never been so close with my grandparents without those summers. My kids are now 3,000 miles away from their grandparents who don't travel anymore because of age/health. I have been taking them since they were 2 years old every summer for two months to stay with them. If DH is upset, then that is his issue. Who knows how long my parents will be living. They are already in their mid-80s. In OPs case she is going to her hometown so I assume there will be her family there too. Go for it. DH has 10 months of the year with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see why DH is upset. And your attitude in the OP and subsequent weirdly aggressive additional post suggests that you don’t care about him or his feelings. You asked if YATA. Someone indicated you might be. You got upset.

It sounds great for you and the kids but not your DH. Can’t you reach a compromise?

This +100

Maybe it makes sense, maybe there needs to be some compromise about how long it is or of DH can visit but just assuming you can take the kids for 2 months when another parent doesn’t support it is major YTA vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. I grew up spending the summers with grandparents 10,000 miles away. My dad couldn't come. My mom came. I would have never been so close with my grandparents without those summers. My kids are now 3,000 miles away from their grandparents who don't travel anymore because of age/health. I have been taking them since they were 2 years old every summer for two months to stay with them. If DH is upset, then that is his issue. Who knows how long my parents will be living. They are already in their mid-80s. In OPs case she is going to her hometown so I assume there will be her family there too. Go for it. DH has 10 months of the year with them.

If the genders were flipped no one would ever say that a mother should just happily give up two full months with their child a year to facilitate a relationship with the grandparents.

However by prioritizing her family of origin of her spouse it sounds like op is heading towards giving up 50% of custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

This is hilarious.

DH is shorthand for husband. They are married and until they divorce they both have full custody of their children and there is no scenario where a summer trip would be a legal issue.

It sounds like the husband is jealous the mom and kids are going to have fun without him.

I honestly don’t get how people are saying this is okay. So as a mom who has a non telework friendly job, my teleworking DH can just inform me that he is taking the kids to spend the entire summer with his family in another state and I have no recourse to prevent him from doing so and effectively depriving me of seeing my children for 8-10 weeks? Thankfully he isn’t an a**hole and would never dream of doing so but still that just doesn’t seem right.

What if rather than being teens the children were preschool aged or younger? Does that change your perspective? This isn’t a case of DH just being jealous of missing out on a fun experience but rather a significant chunk of time in his children’s life.

I would hope this would be a dialog between the parents and I think it's really pretty immature of one parent to say "I can't go so no one can". This situation begs for some kind of compromise - maybe the teleworking parent goes for a shorter time or the non-teleworking parent comes for part of the time.

[Anonymous]

NTA. Go, have DH join when he can.

One of my friends is from england and is a teacher. During the summer she takes the kids back to her moms farm and they spend all summer there. Her husband flies in for a few weeks when he can get time off, but otherwise stays at home working. It works for them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

OMG, what a strange and weird person you are. It’s not that he said he refuses to let them go, and withheld consent, he’s just not happy about it. He never did anything with them during the summer anyway. So we’d all just be sitting at home all summer and do nothing if it were up to him. What a peach you are. Go somewhere else with your fake “legal” statements. What a loser you are.

Wow! Why did you ask if you don’t really want to hear anyone’s opinion? And then you call them a loser? Are you 12?

It’s really outrageous when people adopt pseudo-legal arguments in an attempt to scare someone into some sort of action or non-action. It’s a pet peeve. PP is clearly not a lawyer, otherwise s/he wouldn’t have written such nonsensical threat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

This is hilarious.

DH is shorthand for husband. They are married and until they divorce they both have full custody of their children and there is no scenario where a summer trip would be a legal issue.

It sounds like the husband is jealous the mom and kids are going to have fun without him.

I honestly don’t get how people are saying this is okay. So as a mom who has a non telework friendly job, my teleworking DH can just inform me that he is taking the kids to spend the entire summer with his family in another state and I have no recourse to prevent him from doing so and effectively depriving me of seeing my children for 8-10 weeks? Thankfully he isn’t an a**hole and would never dream of doing so but still that just doesn’t seem right.

What if rather than being teens the children were preschool aged or younger? Does that change your perspective? This isn’t a case of DH just being jealous of missing out on a fun experience but rather a significant chunk of time in his children’s life.

I would hope this would be a dialog between the parents and I think it's really pretty immature of one parent to say "I can't go so no one can". This situation begs for some kind of compromise - maybe the teleworking parent goes for a shorter time or the non-teleworking parent comes for part of the time.

Yeah it would be immature of a parent to say “I can’t go so no one can” but that’s not actually what’s happening here.

It’s also immature for a parent to declare “I’m going to take my children away for the entire summer regardless of the fact that my DH can’t join and feels sad and excluded ” then gaslight anyone who suggests I’m being selfish.

[Anonymous]

NTA but could soon be the ex if not the choice of wife and husband to be apart. For some this works, but should be in agreement and not ha-ha, you can’t be remote so you can’t come! Lots of NY families have dad work in NY while kids and wife in Hamptons or Cape Cod for summer.

[Anonymous]

I think YTA for going for 2 months. Spouse and I have taken kid away separately for 1-2week max. 2 months is inconsiderate imo.

[Anonymous]

lol! My husband would be ecstatic if we took off for two months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is right? I work fully remote and have permission to work from anywhere. So during the summer I am talking the teens to my hometown (amazing, cool city) for 2 months. Kids love it. DH put himself in a position where it’s a bit harder to join, due to a complicated per situation he caused himself. Also he just doesn’t want to do it. Now he’s angry. AITA?

Yes, not only are YTA but your DH also has grounds for legal proceedings. You don’t get to unilaterally decide to relocate your kids for two months and deprive the other parent of access without his consent.

OMG, what a strange and weird person you are. It’s not that he said he refuses to let them go, and withheld consent, he’s just not happy about it. He never did anything with them during the summer anyway. So we’d all just be sitting at home all summer and do nothing if it were up to him. What a peach you are. Go somewhere else with your fake “legal” statements. What a loser you are.

Wow! Why did you ask if you don’t really want to hear anyone’s opinion? And then you call them a loser? Are you 12?

It’s really outrageous when people adopt pseudo-legal arguments in an attempt to scare someone into some sort of action or non-action. It’s a pet peeve. PP is clearly not a lawyer, otherwise s/he wouldn’t have written such nonsensical threat.

Yes, you’ve got me I’m the pp and definitely not a lawyer. Just a regular mom (and the primary breadwinner with the less flexible job) who was horrified by the idea of my husband just casually informing me that he was taking my kids away from me for the entire summer to spend it with my in-laws because his job allows him to do so, then trying to paint me as the bad guy for opposing it and I assumed there must be some legal recourse.