Do you use trackers with your college kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family shares our locations with each other on Google Maps because we don’t see it as a big deal. We’re a family.

What does that have to do with it? Families have never tracked each other until a decade ago.

I agree. Seriously messed up to think that putting trackers on each other is part of what being a family means.

It depends on why and how you use the tracker. It can be a nice feature, if you are able to respect boundaries, use it infrequently and for an actual reason and your kids know the circumstances under which you would use it and your rationale.

For example, my kid drives 8 hours to and from college. Yes, it’s nice to keep an eye on his progress. He may be an adult, but he’s only been driving independently for three years and it’s not an easy drive (PA turnpike). When my kids were studying abroad— and especially in transit or traveling alone or with a friend on weekends/ break/ before and after the program— it was very nice to have. Especially because Find My Phone worked when texting was glitchy in areas without fantastic cell service.

And yes— sometimes it’s helpful to get an ETA. For example, my kid is home for the summer and was driving home from a friend's house (texts off in driving focus mode). Our senior dog has a brain tumor and is failing and it’s best if someone is with her (she probably has less than a month left :cry. This week DH and I were heading out and knew that a kid was incoming. Checking to get an ETA helped us decide whether to wait for the kid to get home and do a handoff vs setting the dog up in a safe area. I don’t see an issue with using tracking in that type of cases.

I’m not sure what you accomplish by daily checks when your kid is in college to see when your kid is in class, eating, in their dorm, in another dorm. That crosses a line in my mind. Physically unsafe is not the same thing as making decisions (about class attendance, where to sleep, etc) that we disagree with. I think it’s more appropriate if actual reason to be concerned for their safety and you can’t get them by text for some reason— see also, doing an 8 hour drive to school. Or traveling with a friend in a country with crappy cell service/ texting.

One very nice feature. My kids can also track us. Which means they can hit the “Find my phone button” and make one of our phones ring loudly until we wake up/grab them if there is an emergency and we are asleep or just aren’t checking texts. Both kids have had to use this feature, unfortunately. One had a minor emergency overseas and needed additional medical insurance info, 2am our time and then later had a flight cancelled a was having trouble rebooking. The other got in a situation where she got cornered in a stairwell by a guy who had been acting stalkery and felt physically unsafe. She not harmed, thank goodness. But she woke us up because she was rattled needed reassurance and wanted advice on what to do.

[Anonymous]

No way in hell would I want my kids or anyone to be able to track me, so that is a major bug not a feature.

Also my family copes by, you know, asking each other where we are or letting people know when needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our family— 2 parents, 2 college kids— all have Find My Phone activated. My kids are allowed to turn it off when they are at school. But, I don’t think they ever have.

That said, my promise to them— which I have kept— is that I won’t stalk them. So, I don’t check where they are unless there is a good reason. Like, once DD forgot to text when she got back to school and I checked to see that she was back safely rather than texting because her notifications were off and it was late at night.

But, I can go an entire semester and not check where they are. And I’m not sure what I’m going to see that can’t been unseen or is too intrusive. They spend the night in another dorm? Ok, they are in college. And I don’t have the class schedule memorized and have never checked to see if they are in class. If they aren’t, there isn’t much I can do anyway.

It’s actually more useful at home and I ask them to keep it on when they are home. I can check how far away they are from home when they are driving, etc. And it has useful when they study abroad, and text communication is tougher. I have an itinerary for DD studying in Eastern Europe this summer. But they are doing multiple side trips and the ability to know what country she is actually in is nice. And it was especially nice for safety when she did a week of solo travel before meeting up with her program. If she alone in a foreign country, knowing her location in case of emergency seems important. And when she was in transit to the program, having it was reassuring. Now that she’s with the program, I don’t expect to check much.

Also, my kids can track DH and I and we can track each other, but DH and I are honest with each other about where we are going. I can’t imagine he’d regularly track me. And I see no reason to track him unless I get a “driving in focus” message and I’m looking for an ETA for some reason. Plus, I don’t care if DH and my kids know where I am. I usually tell them before I leave the house.

I guess it depends on how you use it. It can be a useful tool you occasionally use for specific reasons. If you are regularly checking to see if your kid is in class or back in the dorm at midnight, I can see how it could make you nuts.

You _think_ you sound reasonable, but in fact you’re just as fretting and worried as the others who track the whereabouts and movements of their adult relatives.

As one example: why is it “nice” to see and know where your adult daughter is in Europe? Why not wait until she decides she wants to tell you what she did/where she went? If she’s in distress…. she’ll contact you.

She’s not the star of Taken III, and you aren’t Liam Neeson.

You have anxiety issues like the rest of them but pretend you don’t because Europe or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family shares our locations with each other on Google Maps because we don’t see it as a big deal. We’re a family.

Same here.

Same here.

I’m not constantly tracking my kids.

Sometimes it’s just to see how close they are to home and have dinner ready.

Then … contact them.

[Anonymous]

In my family we all share our locations with one another. I think it makes everyone feel safer and there haven’t been any issues with crossed boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I still follow my 23 yo college graduate who currently is living at home. It’s a matter of convenience. He knows and doesn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my family we all share our locations with one another. I think it makes everyone feel safer and there haven’t been any issues with crossed boundaries.

What realistic threat are you averting? Be specific

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our family— 2 parents, 2 college kids— all have Find My Phone activated. My kids are allowed to turn it off when they are at school. But, I don’t think they ever have.

That said, my promise to them— which I have kept— is that I won’t stalk them. So, I don’t check where they are unless there is a good reason. Like, once DD forgot to text when she got back to school and I checked to see that she was back safely rather than texting because her notifications were off and it was late at night.

But, I can go an entire semester and not check where they are. And I’m not sure what I’m going to see that can’t been unseen or is too intrusive. They spend the night in another dorm? Ok, they are in college. And I don’t have the class schedule memorized and have never checked to see if they are in class. If they aren’t, there isn’t much I can do anyway.

It’s actually more useful at home and I ask them to keep it on when they are home. I can check how far away they are from home when they are driving, etc. And it has useful when they study abroad, and text communication is tougher. I have an itinerary for DD studying in Eastern Europe this summer. But they are doing multiple side trips and the ability to know what country she is actually in is nice. And it was especially nice for safety when she did a week of solo travel before meeting up with her program. If she alone in a foreign country, knowing her location in case of emergency seems important. And when she was in transit to the program, having it was reassuring. Now that she’s with the program, I don’t expect to check much.

Also, my kids can track DH and I and we can track each other, but DH and I are honest with each other about where we are going. I can’t imagine he’d regularly track me. And I see no reason to track him unless I get a “driving in focus” message and I’m looking for an ETA for some reason. Plus, I don’t care if DH and my kids know where I am. I usually tell them before I leave the house.

I guess it depends on how you use it. It can be a useful tool you occasionally use for specific reasons. If you are regularly checking to see if your kid is in class or back in the dorm at midnight, I can see how it could make you nuts.

You _think_ you sound reasonable, but in fact you’re just as fretting and worried as the others who track the whereabouts and movements of their adult relatives.

As one example: why is it “nice” to see and know where your adult daughter is in Europe? Why not wait until she decides she wants to tell you what she did/where she went? If she’s in distress…. she’ll contact you.

She’s not the star of Taken III, and you aren’t Liam Neeson.

You have anxiety issues like the rest of them but pretend you don’t because Europe or something.

DP. Not sure why you feel.you need to take this person's inventory. Sounds like this arrangement works for them. Also the daughter did contact her.

Are you so discontent with your own life you resort to pissing on others? Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family shares our locations with each other on Google Maps because we don’t see it as a big deal. We’re a family.

Same here.

Same here.

I’m not constantly tracking my kids.

Sometimes it’s just to see how close they are to home and have dinner ready.

Then … contact them.

They're not asking for advice from you. It seems that they are happy with the way they do things. Such a dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t even track my high schoolers or husband. Technically, I can track my kids on Find my IPhone if there’s an emergency, but I have only looked at it 2-3x in the last couple of years. We text each other to share our whereabouts if need be. Works well without the feeling that you’re “spying.”

Isn't that what people are talking about? You are tracking them.

Yes, this is what we are talking about, so PP is on Team Track.

DP. Ability is not the same as doing. Having it available for an emergency is not the same as tracking. Sounds like you are trying to stir the pot here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the Washington Post, a Carolyn Hax column talked about using tracking apps with adult children.

Most in the comments are against using the tracking apps.

Meanwhile, my college kid volunteered for us to track each other and also shares their location with friends. Sometimes, they'll tell me where their friends are located. It's just a fun thing. "They're on the Amtrak heading home, etc."

One time I was at a bar, and my college kid texted to ask me, "Where ARE you?!?!?" That was funny. It's also been handy when spouse has gone to pick them up at college and I can easily check their ETA and have dinner ready.

To us, the tracking isn't a big deal. If either of us didn't want to do it, we'd stop and it would be fine.

But I guess I can see some parents -- and my sibling is one -- who micromanage and control others, and maybe that's when tracking is not a good idea.

If someone's purpose is to control another person, then tracking apps are not good. If you have trust with someone, it's not a big deal.

What do you all do?

Live like it's the 80s. No tracking. Too creepy

[Anonymous]

I don’t. He’s an adult now and I’m glad I’m done having to keep track of him and his grades. I’ve waited a long time for this!

[Anonymous]

My kids share location with one another via snapchat or similar (just as one of the million friends they share with). I'm happy they do that because if ever I'm concerned, I can ask sibling. I've never done this, but was reminded recently when kid was coming from out of town and sibling announced, "she's pulling into town!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too much togetherness. Not normal. Not healthy.

+1000 these families need boundaries and less enmeshment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family shares our locations with each other on Google Maps because we don’t see it as a big deal. We’re a family.

Same here.

Same here.

I’m not constantly tracking my kids.

Sometimes it’s just to see how close they are to home and have dinner ready.

Then … contact them.

NP it’s safer not to call them
while they’re driving and just check where they are. People seem really worked up about sharing locations. It doesn’t sound like most parents responding are really “tracking” their kids. It’s helpful in certain situations and the kids don’t mind.