The Virginian Memorial Day Tournament 2024

[Anonymous]

Refs should start each game w/parents facing each other on the sidelines and forcing them to look at each other and repeat after the ref……

“As parents, we are here to support, what we believe is or will be, a better version of us today or tomorrow. Today’s game is happening “for” us, “for” our kids, “for” our coaches, and “for” our ref. It is not happening “to” us.

[Anonymous]

you comment is stupid... just like this tournament.

Anonymous wrote:Refs should start each game w/parents facing each other on the sidelines and forcing them to look at each other and repeat after the ref……

“As parents, we are here to support, what we believe is or will be, a better version of us today or tomorrow. Today’s game is happening “for” us, “for” our kids, “for” our coaches, and “for” our ref. It is not happening “to” us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Refs should start each game w/parents facing each other on the sidelines and forcing them to look at each other and repeat after the ref……

“As parents, we are here to support, what we believe is or will be, a better version of us today or tomorrow. Today’s game is happening “for” us, “for” our kids, “for” our coaches, and “for” our ref. It is not happening “to” us.

what happens if a parent is in the bathroom or running a little late to the fields? If they don't get to say the pledge can they still watch the game?

[Anonymous]

We can also start the game by singing Kumbaya in a round. Finish with some trust falls and hugs too.

[Anonymous]

hakuna matata

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you know they were being evaluated?

They said so!

I'm a ref. I saw one ref evaluator out there, but he was specifically looking at the youngster on the crew. I did ask for some feedback.

Feedback is the only way we get better. Sure, parents give feedback, but usually not in an objective and helpful way. And coaches don't know the Laws of the Game, so ...

Someone on a more recent thread said instead of yelling at a ref they just go up to them at halftime and give them feedback nicely and that that has worked for them … but then some other poster(s?) replied to not EVER do that cause refs have a million things to do during breaks and approaching them at all will always come off as confrontational even if you try to sound nice about it.

What say you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you know they were being evaluated?

They said so!

I'm a ref. I saw one ref evaluator out there, but he was specifically looking at the youngster on the crew. I did ask for some feedback.

Feedback is the only way we get better. Sure, parents give feedback, but usually not in an objective and helpful way. And coaches don't know the Laws of the Game, so ...

Someone on a more recent thread said instead of yelling at a ref they just go up to them at halftime and give them feedback nicely and that that has worked for them … but then some other poster(s?) replied to not EVER do that cause refs have a million things to do during breaks and approaching them at all will always come off as confrontational even if you try to sound nice about it.

What say you?

Never talk to a ref, I couldnt give 2 $h*ts what you think as a parent. If you think you can do better, take the course and get out of the fields and ref yourself.

[Anonymous]

If we run into the ref after a game we will say thank you

[Anonymous]

I'm a ref. …I did ask for some feedback. … Feedback is the only way we get better. Sure, parents give feedback, but usually not in an objective and helpful way. ...

Never talk to a ref, I couldnt give 2 $h*ts what you think as a parent. If you think you can do better, take the course and get out of the fields and ref yourself.

Taking these comments together, does this mean parents by definition should not give feedback directly to a ref at all no matter how polite or constructive they think their comments may be? Can they still give feedback to someone else? What about positive feedback, or feedback not actually related to soccer (ex. ref showed up really late, or showed up drunk, says racist/islamaphobic/biased things, etc.)

I don’t have an agenda by the way, just honestly want to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a ref. …I did ask for some feedback. … Feedback is the only way we get better. Sure, parents give feedback, but usually not in an objective and helpful way. ...

Never talk to a ref, I couldnt give 2 $h*ts what you think as a parent. If you think you can do better, take the course and get out of the fields and ref yourself.

Taking these comments together, does this mean parents by definition should not give feedback directly to a ref at all no matter how polite or constructive they think their comments may be? Can they still give feedback to someone else? What about positive feedback, or feedback not actually related to soccer (ex. ref showed up really late, or showed up drunk, says racist/islamaphobic/biased things, etc.)

I don’t have an agenda by the way, just honestly want to know.

At half time and after games, the three referees are usually discussing and asking each other...what did I miss? What can I do better? and giving each other feedback. That's usually plenty of feedback for me. I'm never looking for feedback from parents, but, if I'm not in a rush, I'm always willing to discuss Laws of the Game and how and when they are applied with parents after the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a ref. …I did ask for some feedback. … Feedback is the only way we get better. Sure, parents give feedback, but usually not in an objective and helpful way. ...

Never talk to a ref, I couldnt give 2 $h*ts what you think as a parent. If you think you can do better, take the course and get out of the fields and ref yourself.

Taking these comments together, does this mean parents by definition should not give feedback directly to a ref at all no matter how polite or constructive they think their comments may be? Can they still give feedback to someone else? What about positive feedback, or feedback not actually related to soccer (ex. ref showed up really late, or showed up drunk, says racist/islamaphobic/biased things, etc.)

I don’t have an agenda by the way, just honestly want to know.

Do you want someone coming to your office and offering constructive feedback that has no clue about your job?

Do we miss calls? yes. Is it intentional? no. Do i want to hear from a parent that thinks they can do a better job? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a ref. …I did ask for some feedback. … Feedback is the only way we get better. Sure, parents give feedback, but usually not in an objective and helpful way. ...

Never talk to a ref, I couldnt give 2 $h*ts what you think as a parent. If you think you can do better, take the course and get out of the fields and ref yourself.

Taking these comments together, does this mean parents by definition should not give feedback directly to a ref at all no matter how polite or constructive they think their comments may be? Can they still give feedback to someone else? What about positive feedback, or feedback not actually related to soccer (ex. ref showed up really late, or showed up drunk, says racist/islamaphobic/biased things, etc.)

I don’t have an agenda by the way, just honestly want to know.

Why would you EVER think that is appropriate? They don't work for you. *You* are completely irrelevant to the activity at hand.

[Anonymous]

In my experience the most effective refs on the sidelines are the ones who chit chat a little with the parents during warm up, build some rapport and also gently remind the parents that they’ll do their best but go easy on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience the most effective refs on the sidelines are the ones who chit chat a little with the parents during warm up, build some rapport and also gently remind the parents that they’ll do their best but go easy on them.

That sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. I've sometimes tried self-deprecating humor, but it backfires in this day and age in which everyone's basically flexing on each other.

Do NOT approach a ref at the half. We're often working several games with very little time in between. Those five minutes for water, a banana or the Port-a-Potty are very important.

If some refs are really, really bad -- and yes, some are (I've seen at least one case of blatant racism) -- talk with the coaches and see if they're running it up the chain to the league. Coaches are usually ignorable as well, but not always.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm a ref. …I did ask for some feedback. … Feedback is the only way we get better. Sure, parents give feedback, but usually not in an objective and helpful way. ...

Never talk to a ref, I couldnt give 2 $h*ts what you think as a parent. If you think you can do better, take the course and get out of the fields and ref yourself.

Taking these comments together, does this mean parents by definition should not give feedback directly to a ref at all no matter how polite or constructive they think their comments may be? Can they still give feedback to someone else? What about positive feedback, or feedback not actually related to soccer (ex. ref showed up really late, or showed up drunk, says racist/islamaphobic/biased things, etc.)

I don’t have an agenda by the way, just honestly want to know.

How are you not getting this? Parents under no circumstances should ever have any interaction with the referees pre, during or post match...if they're walking off the field and walk by you and you give them a "good game ref" that's fine, but anything outside of that should NEVER happen.

Can they still give feedback to someone else? why do you feel the need that you have to give feedback or comments? if a parent just absolutely has to give someone their opinion, give it to their coach.

What about positive feedback, or feedback not actually related to soccer (ex. ref showed up really late, or showed up drunk, says racist/islamaphobic/biased things, etc.) - if something like this happens, you should tell the coach and they'll know what to do. If you, as a parent, get involved you're only going to escalate the situation and make it worse not better.