Where to get help? I am running out of money, taking care of my mom.

[Anonymous]

11:35 poster again

We paid for Mom's caregivers in her home but one of Mom's caregiver's Mom had caregivers coming to her Mom's house paid by the government. The Mom was morbidly obese, a stroke patient and wheel chair bound in her 40's. The government paid caregivers were not round the clock. It sounded like they were sent out by an agency for about 4 hours a day and not every day. I have no idea how you access the government paid caregivers.

This was in Maryland.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom has no money so there is nothing to spend down.

The sold condo falls in the look back period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if you are in Virginia and your mom just has social security, she may be eligible for an auxiliary grant which would allow for an assisted living placement. She would need to be both financially and medically eligible.

After a series of falls we were able to get my mother approved. She is in a beautiful assisted living and contributes her social security. The county also contributes and the assisted living agrees to take less. It is a lot of paperwork, but very much worth it if she is eligible. She would also be eligible for Medicaid which helps with prescriptions: https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/contact/Mobile/ProgramDetail.aspx?agId=100520

My mom also qualified for this grant. She moved into a newly built independent living senior community down the road from me.

She is on Medicaid and receives SSI due to leukemia and the impact on her abilities. She also receives her SS. Together it’s only $900 a month. The grant covers the majority of her rent and her monthly payment is $120. Her building only has 8 units set aside for this program and she was the second to apply for this building.

She did not want to go to a nursing home and qualifies for in-home support including aides, nurses and therapists. But it’s not around the clock care, just a few hours a week which does help relieve the burden on me and my family. She also receives food stamps and other nutrition support.

Medicare and Medicaid cover her cancer treatment in full at Inova Schar and her prescriptions are never more than $4.

Your county’s Department of Social Services will be your entry point in learning about and applying for support.

My mom doesn’t have resources - she was an immigrant working low wage jobs her whole life. She never had a retirement account, home or other assets but always paid taxes and never utilized welfare.

As the elder daughter, I feel an obligation to care for her and if she were healthy I’d have her live with me. But she needs a home that is safe for her (no stairs, accessible shower, grab bars in bathroom, etc), friends to keep her company, and activities to keep her busy.

My gift is the time and effort put into navigating the social services maze, taking her to treatment and out for lunch, buying groceries on her behalf and managing her meds. I visit almost every day and monitor her therapy and care sessions via a camera.

Please look into social services - you deserve to save for your retirement and for your daughter. Wishing you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then she needs to spend down her assets and go into a Medicaid nursing facility. There are no other options and a lawyer is a waste of money. Or you can perpetuate the cycle and spend all your money on her and ensure your daughter must do the same for you. It's awful, I sympathize.

This. I'm sorry. I know she's your mom but you need to put on your oxygen mask first (i.e., stop spending your money that you don't have extra on her declining years).

[Anonymous]

Some elderlaw attorneys do not charge for an initial meeting and you might be able to find one to work with you probono or for a reduced fee. They know a lot about this and can provide resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some elderlaw attorneys do not charge for an initial meeting and you might be able to find one to work with you probono or for a reduced fee. They know a lot about this and can provide resources.

Mom has money. They don't need a lawyer.