Where to get help? I am running out of money, taking care of my mom.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is your mom's monthly income from Social Security?

In Maryland, to qualify for medicaid, the monthly income limit was about $1564 back in 2022. It'll probably be a little higher now.

If your mom's income is higher than that, there are usually still ways to qualify for Medicaid.

It sounds like she has very few assets in her own name. She should qualify for Medicaid.

Why do you think she doesn't qualify for medicaid?

Go here and apply for her:

https://health.maryland.gov/mmcp/Pages/Am%20I%20Eligible.aspx

There is a program called PACE but it probably has a long waiting list

https://health.maryland.gov/mmcp/waiverprograms/Pages/PACE.aspx

[Anonymous]

https://aging.maryland.gov/Pages/senior-assisted-living-subsidy-program.aspx

The Senior Assisted Living Subsidy Program helps low- to moderate-income adults age 62 years and older pay for assisted living programs they would otherwise ​be unable to afford. The subsidy can cover the cost of services provided in assisted living—including meals, personal care, and 24-hour supervision for residents who need help living independently. In accordance with an interagency agreement, the homes are monitored and licensed by the Department of Health.

[Anonymous]

https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/HHS-Program/ADS/ADSADSResourceUnit-p179.html#apply

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will address the situation of your daughter. As a family, it's ethical to ask your daughter for help too.

Regardless of whether you continue private school, your daughter can help by keeping her grades high and by becoming a great candidate for scholarships.

I have been impressed by the amount of free money out there for kids with excellent track records and no college savings. The selective universities are trying to level the playing field.

You might also want to make sure that your daughter is being mentored by people who can help her tap into local opportunities. Make an appointment with the school guidance counselors who work with seniors and find out what they know. Have your daughter make it a job to figure these things out.

By taking free actions to prepare your daughter and asking her to assume some responsibility, you may be able to strengthen your family and somewhat ease your heart. One of the things about financial privilege is that it makes you aware of opportunities...sometimes less financially privileged kids just don't know where to look. But information is "free" as is help with curriculum and career planning. Even library books can help.

We all wish we could do everything for our children, but sometimes we can't. If your family is close, your daughter will likely understand. It is a already a good thing that you are modeling a loving, conscientious home.

Everyone is fixated on one daughter but op actually has 3 children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s medically eligible. She lost her ability to swallow and lives on a permanent feeding tube and is also on oxygen.

Why don't you just let her die? This sounds like a miserable existence for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It makes no sense that she isn’t on Medicaid.

Agreed. Do not bankrupt yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s medically eligible. She lost her ability to swallow and lives on a permanent feeding tube and is also on oxygen.

Is this a troll thread or what?!

In this situation, the humane thing to do is to let her go, OP. How aware is she of her condition?

[Anonymous]

Op, I’ve seen these people recommended on here before. See if they can help you.

https://eldercc.com/

How old is she? I don’t say this to be mean, but if she can’t swallow anymore and is on a feeding tube you are not looking at 20 years of care.

I think you need someone knowledgeable to assess the situation and give you appropriate guidance. You can’t do this alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will address the situation of your daughter. As a family, it's ethical to ask your daughter for help too.

Regardless of whether you continue private school, your daughter can help by keeping her grades high and by becoming a great candidate for scholarships.

I have been impressed by the amount of free money out there for kids with excellent track records and no college savings. The selective universities are trying to level the playing field.

You might also want to make sure that your daughter is being mentored by people who can help her tap into local opportunities. Make an appointment with the school guidance counselors who work with seniors and find out what they know. Have your daughter make it a job to figure these things out.

By taking free actions to prepare your daughter and asking her to assume some responsibility, you may be able to strengthen your family and somewhat ease your heart. One of the things about financial privilege is that it makes you aware of opportunities...sometimes less financially privileged kids just don't know where to look. But information is "free" as is help with curriculum and career planning. Even library books can help.

We all wish we could do everything for our children, but sometimes we can't. If your family is close, your daughter will likely understand. It is a already a good thing that you are modeling a loving, conscientious home.

"No college savings" isn't the same thing as low income. If OP can afford to buy a second home (the condo her mom lives in) she likely is well above the threshold for financial aid.
Yes, some colleges/private scholarships have merit aid for "kids with excellent track records" but they be awarded that money regardless of what kind of money the parents have paid for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will address the situation of your daughter. As a family, it's ethical to ask your daughter for help too.

Regardless of whether you continue private school, your daughter can help by keeping her grades high and by becoming a great candidate for scholarships.

I have been impressed by the amount of free money out there for kids with excellent track records and no college savings. The selective universities are trying to level the playing field.

You might also want to make sure that your daughter is being mentored by people who can help her tap into local opportunities. Make an appointment with the school guidance counselors who work with seniors and find out what they know. Have your daughter make it a job to figure these things out.

By taking free actions to prepare your daughter and asking her to assume some responsibility, you may be able to strengthen your family and somewhat ease your heart. One of the things about financial privilege is that it makes you aware of opportunities...sometimes less financially privileged kids just don't know where to look. But information is "free" as is help with curriculum and career planning. Even library books can help.

We all wish we could do everything for our children, but sometimes we can't. If your family is close, your daughter will likely understand. It is a already a good thing that you are modeling a loving, conscientious home.

Everyone is fixated on one daughter but op actually has 3 children.

You're correct but look at the concerns expressed in the OP. It's the daughter's college fund. Daughter is likely the oldest or maybe the last/youngest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will address the situation of your daughter. As a family, it's ethical to ask your daughter for help too.

Regardless of whether you continue private school, your daughter can help by keeping her grades high and by becoming a great candidate for scholarships.

I have been impressed by the amount of free money out there for kids with excellent track records and no college savings. The selective universities are trying to level the playing field.

You might also want to make sure that your daughter is being mentored by people who can help her tap into local opportunities. Make an appointment with the school guidance counselors who work with seniors and find out what they know. Have your daughter make it a job to figure these things out.

By taking free actions to prepare your daughter and asking her to assume some responsibility, you may be able to strengthen your family and somewhat ease your heart. One of the things about financial privilege is that it makes you aware of opportunities...sometimes less financially privileged kids just don't know where to look. But information is "free" as is help with curriculum and career planning. Even library books can help.

We all wish we could do everything for our children, but sometimes we can't. If your family is close, your daughter will likely understand. It is a already a good thing that you are modeling a loving, conscientious home.

"No college savings" isn't the same thing as low income. If OP can afford to buy a second home (the condo her mom lives in) she likely is well above the threshold for financial aid.
Yes, some colleges/private scholarships have merit aid for "kids with excellent track records" but they be awarded that money regardless of what kind of money the parents have paid for college.

Depends on the school. We are full pay. I just went through a h.s. honors convocation and looked at how the scholarships broke out. Our selective flagship is giving out big merit scholarships easily up to about $180K in income (2 senior teacher household families). I know these kids' stats in school. I'm o.k. with it but also know that our $0 financial need means my equivalent stat kid with 529 and donut hole parents = no merit scholarship. With low HHI of $65K or less, students are guaranteed free college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will address the situation of your daughter. As a family, it's ethical to ask your daughter for help too.

Regardless of whether you continue private school, your daughter can help by keeping her grades high and by becoming a great candidate for scholarships.

I have been impressed by the amount of free money out there for kids with excellent track records and no college savings. The selective universities are trying to level the playing field.

You might also want to make sure that your daughter is being mentored by people who can help her tap into local opportunities. Make an appointment with the school guidance counselors who work with seniors and find out what they know. Have your daughter make it a job to figure these things out.

By taking free actions to prepare your daughter and asking her to assume some responsibility, you may be able to strengthen your family and somewhat ease your heart. One of the things about financial privilege is that it makes you aware of opportunities...sometimes less financially privileged kids just don't know where to look. But information is "free" as is help with curriculum and career planning. Even library books can help.

We all wish we could do everything for our children, but sometimes we can't. If your family is close, your daughter will likely understand. It is a already a good thing that you are modeling a loving, conscientious home.

"No college savings" isn't the same thing as low income. If OP can afford to buy a second home (the condo her mom lives in) she likely is well above the threshold for financial aid.
Yes, some colleges/private scholarships have merit aid for "kids with excellent track records" but they be awarded that money regardless of what kind of money the parents have paid for college.

Depends on the school. We are full pay. I just went through a h.s. honors convocation and looked at how the scholarships broke out. Our selective flagship is giving out big merit scholarships easily up to about $180K in income (2 senior teacher household families). I know these kids' stats in school. I'm o.k. with it but also know that our $0 financial need means my equivalent stat kid with 529 and donut hole parents = no merit scholarship. With low HHI of $65K or less, students are guaranteed free college.

Which "selective flagship?" I've never heard of a school where MERIT scholarships are awarded based on income.

[Anonymous]

You need to desperately talk to an elder care attorney. You messed up putting her name on condo you sold. You bought another one just on your name but you need to prove she is spending down every penny of her assests first. Why are you saving her SS? She needs to be spending that first? You need to STOP co-mingling assests with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to desperately talk to an elder care attorney. You messed up putting her name on condo you sold. You bought another one just on your name but you need to prove she is spending down every penny of her assests first. Why are you saving her SS? She needs to be spending that first? You need to STOP co-mingling assests with her.

All of this. You're the walking example of What Not To Do.

Also, don't listen to people who tell you there's a ton of free money out there for college. There isn't. Merit scholarships depend on a high GPA and are usually given at private colleges which cost the earth to begin with, which means they don't actually reduce the sticker price to anything resembling an affordable price. Financial aid is mostly loans. Your best bet is community college then guaranteed transfer to state U, or financial aid during 4 years of State U. Your kids need a strong GPA and all the rest of it to be accepted to UMD or UVA. UVA in particular is now very selective.

You seriously messed up, OP. Now you need to fix ASAP before you bleed more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. People who say lawyers are a “waste” when dealing with Medicaid/asset issues don’t know what they’re talking about. Medicaid/asset/spend down issues are complex and not for amateurs or dabblers.

2. Ditto people who say Medicaid “can take” things. Medicaid doesn’t “take” anything (during life; afterward they may levy on a lien). They simply deny otherwise-qualified for until those benefits offset whatever assets they decide were misappropriated.

3. Ditto people who talk about Medicare when what is at issue is Medicaid.

Check the website for the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA), where specialists are listed. If you worry about the fees, shop around and get quotes up front.

Commingling of your mother’s assets and yours (whether in actuality or merely on paper) may be a complicating factor, as PP’s have observed.

What you have done is commendable, but you may not be able to continue it. While learning about what level of in home care might be available via any benefits your mother is entitled to you need to start facility shopping.

Having been down this road with my own parent, this is very good information.