Friend whose child has behavioral issues keeps insisting he's misunderstood and gifted

[Anonymous]

Teachers have always told me that my son is extremely smart but that he also has a range of behavioral issues. Both can be true. He was on an IEP, and appears to have ADHD. I don’t make excuses for him, and welcome all services available to him. However, I also wonder if being bored in school, especially in math, has led to some of his behavior issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am close with three other mothers; kids are in the same K class - and apparently one child has been recommended for a special SEL curriculum and intervention for first grade, within our school, due to her classroom behaviors, which we have all noticed on playdates and parties etc (hitting, pushing, can't sit still). We are on a text thread with the mom/friend, who is complaining about the fact that her child is being "targeted" just because she is very gifted, saying the reason she acts out is due to boredom and that she thinks the classroom teacher is exaggerating the behavior and wants to refuse services. Would it be doing an injustice to the friendship to listen passively, or should we/someone point out that we have seen this behavior too and encourage her to take the service offered?

I know this is a bit late, but gifted and high IQ children do often have behavior problems in the early grades due to boredom. The other mom in your group text isn't just coming up with that excuse to help her cope. School personnel don't always know what the situation is because they are trained in education, not psychology. So, whether you believe her child is gifted or not is irrelevant. The other mom should have her child evaluated in a clinical setting with a real professional and make an informed decision from there. You should just totally stay out of it.

Not true. Kids considered gifted can also know how to entertain themselves. If they finish a paper early they will pick up their high school book and start reading. They will think of things they are interested in, maybe write out a plan to pursue it. They should be allowed to have special projects to do or leave the classroom for specialized study. The other kids know this child has different needs and are accepting of that the same way they are accepting of children who learn differently and need to have extra help.

To be sure some gifted kids don’t have the skills needed to be in control of his behavior when bored but that does not describe all gifted kids. Bad behavior has all kinds of reasons and must be addressed individually. The disruptive behavior that is caused by boredom are the easiest to solve with a plan that includes the students interests and meaningful extra work. Classroom teachers are capable of coming up with a plan and can consult a specialist if needed.

[Anonymous]

Kids who are especially verbally gifted can have a hard time in early elementary because so much of academic learning is focused on stuff they already know. And adults—even educators—expect kids who are as articulate as older kids to have a higher maturity level than they actually do. In reality, gifted kids are more likely to develop asynchronously. Tell your friend to get a private evaluation if she can afford it. But also to hang in there because there’s a good chance everything will be OK by third grade and it’s not like the services will hurt anything. Source: my own experience and my son’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am close with three other mothers; kids are in the same K class - and apparently one child has been recommended for a special SEL curriculum and intervention for first grade, within our school, due to her classroom behaviors, which we have all noticed on playdates and parties etc (hitting, pushing, can't sit still). We are on a text thread with the mom/friend, who is complaining about the fact that her child is being "targeted" just because she is very gifted, saying the reason she acts out is due to boredom and that she thinks the classroom teacher is exaggerating the behavior and wants to refuse services. Would it be doing an injustice to the friendship to listen passively, or should we/someone point out that we have seen this behavior too and encourage her to take the service offered?

I know this is a bit late, but gifted and high IQ children do often have behavior problems in the early grades due to boredom. The other mom in your group text isn't just coming up with that excuse to help her cope. School personnel don't always know what the situation is because they are trained in education, not psychology. So, whether you believe her child is gifted or not is irrelevant. The other mom should have her child evaluated in a clinical setting with a real professional and make an informed decision from there. You should just totally stay out of it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am close with three other mothers; kids are in the same K class - and apparently one child has been recommended for a special SEL curriculum and intervention for first grade, within our school, due to her classroom behaviors, which we have all noticed on playdates and parties etc (hitting, pushing, can't sit still). We are on a text thread with the mom/friend, who is complaining about the fact that her child is being "targeted" just because she is very gifted, saying the reason she acts out is due to boredom and that she thinks the classroom teacher is exaggerating the behavior and wants to refuse services. Would it be doing an injustice to the friendship to listen passively, or should we/someone point out that we have seen this behavior too and encourage her to take the service offered?

I am a mom whose DD was like that in kindergarden. I'd want to know what you observed. But that's just me. I have too many friends who won't even disclose their kids' diagnoses to schools/sports teams and it's ridiculous

[Anonymous]

how is this your lane? the school is the right entity to talk with the parents. how is this necessary? the school is already speaking with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am close with three other mothers; kids are in the same K class - and apparently one child has been recommended for a special SEL curriculum and intervention for first grade, within our school, due to her classroom behaviors, which we have all noticed on playdates and parties etc (hitting, pushing, can't sit still). We are on a text thread with the mom/friend, who is complaining about the fact that her child is being "targeted" just because she is very gifted, saying the reason she acts out is due to boredom and that she thinks the classroom teacher is exaggerating the behavior and wants to refuse services. Would it be doing an injustice to the friendship to listen passively, or should we/someone point out that we have seen this behavior too and encourage her to take the service offered?

I am a mom whose DD was like that in kindergarden. I'd want to know what you observed. But that's just me. I have too many friends who won't even disclose their kids' diagnoses to schools/sports teams and it's ridiculous

It's not ridiculous. so many schools and sports programs stigmatize kids and don't even give them a chance, when most of them will actually do fine.

[Anonymous]

OP you approach this from a neutral perspective. Say what could be the harm in the SEL courses. Also ask if she’s had the opportunity to speak with the counselor as they can be helpful in navigating school for families of all types of learners.

[Anonymous]

I teach a child who has a diagnosis and does not play well with others. He cries easily, acts aggressive and won’t play games with others. Unfortunately, I think his parents aren’t aware about the extent of these issues because he is an only child and they have no “control” group to compare him to. When I have gently suggested social skills groups or asks how these behaviors are dealt with at home, they respond by commenting how mild these issues are. So I just leave it. I think parents of only children who specifically have social issues benefit tremendously from observing a lot of children at play and impartially studying their own child in comparison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am close with three other mothers; kids are in the same K class - and apparently one child has been recommended for a special SEL curriculum and intervention for first grade, within our school, due to her classroom behaviors, which we have all noticed on playdates and parties etc (hitting, pushing, can't sit still). We are on a text thread with the mom/friend, who is complaining about the fact that her child is being "targeted" just because she is very gifted, saying the reason she acts out is due to boredom and that she thinks the classroom teacher is exaggerating the behavior and wants to refuse services. Would it be doing an injustice to the friendship to listen passively, or should we/someone point out that we have seen this behavior too and encourage her to take the service offered?

I am a mom whose DD was like that in kindergarden. I'd want to know what you observed. But that's just me. I have too many friends who won't even disclose their kids' diagnoses to schools/sports teams and it's ridiculous

It's not ridiculous. so many schools and sports programs stigmatize kids and don't even give them a chance, when most of them will actually do fine.

It is ridiculous because the kid is acting out and the cia he’s may use strategies that are counterproductive. I’d want to make sure the team is welcoming and inclusive. I think you e hit some internalized ableism going on—and that will not help your kid in the long run