Friend whose child has behavioral issues keeps insisting he's misunderstood and gifted

[Anonymous]

I am close with three other mothers; kids are in the same K class - and apparently one child has been recommended for a special SEL curriculum and intervention for first grade, within our school, due to her classroom behaviors, which we have all noticed on playdates and parties etc (hitting, pushing, can't sit still). We are on a text thread with the mom/friend, who is complaining about the fact that her child is being "targeted" just because she is very gifted, saying the reason she acts out is due to boredom and that she thinks the classroom teacher is exaggerating the behavior and wants to refuse services. Would it be doing an injustice to the friendship to listen passively, or should we/someone point out that we have seen this behavior too and encourage her to take the service offered?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, parents do not receive what they perceive as criticism well.

If you want to continue the friendship MYOB.

If you are ok with possibly losing it then yes say something.

I doubt it will change her mind unfortunately for her child who needs help.

[Anonymous]

Gifted kids don't get bored and behave badly in schools. That's a myth. Truly gifted children always find something to engage themselves.

As far as what you should do, I am going with nod passively and ignore. I'm sure the cognitive dissonance is hard for her. And she's not likely to suddenly listen to YOU.

[Anonymous]

And, you are shaming them here, why?

[Anonymous]

You should MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Some questions you might ask her would be:

Has the school done a neuropsych. eval to make these recommendations? (the answer is prob yes, in which case you reply...) "and did the classroom observations by the evaluator that were described in the report line up with the teacher feedback you've received?" That might open her eyes a bit.

If the school or a private psychologist has not done an evaluation yet, I would recommend they look into getting one so that they have some information about where the behaviors are coming from.

As a longtime educator, I can agree with the above poster that bored gifted children don't behave badly. Total myth made up by parents who don't want to accept that their child is a behavior problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gifted kids don't get bored and behave badly in schools. That's a myth. Truly gifted children always find something to engage themselves.

As far as what you should do, I am going with nod passively and ignore. I'm sure the cognitive dissonance is hard for her. And she's not likely to suddenly listen to YOU.

Sure they do. But they can also be immature for their age, with or without any of issues that may be comorbid, and those behaviors are not yet developmentally inappropriate for a kindergartner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gifted kids don't get bored and behave badly in schools. That's a myth. Truly gifted children always find something to engage themselves.

As far as what you should do, I am going with nod passively and ignore. I'm sure the cognitive dissonance is hard for her. And she's not likely to suddenly listen to YOU.

Sure they do. But they can also be immature for their age, with or without any of issues that may be comorbid, and those behaviors are not yet developmentally inappropriate for a kindergartner.

Agree. There’s no one mold that fits gifted kids. They vary like other kids do.

To OP— The kid very well may be gifted and special needs. I’d encourage her to do a private neuropsych since she disagrees. An in test can be part or done at the same time if she feels like it’ll help the child be better understood in terms of strengths and weaknesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gifted kids don't get bored and behave badly in schools. That's a myth. Truly gifted children always find something to engage themselves.

As far as what you should do, I am going with nod passively and ignore. I'm sure the cognitive dissonance is hard for her. And she's not likely to suddenly listen to YOU.

Sure they do. But they can also be immature for their age, with or without any of issues that may be comorbid, and those behaviors are not yet developmentally inappropriate for a kindergartner.

Agree. There’s no one mold that fits gifted kids. They vary like other kids do.

To OP— The kid very well may be gifted and special needs. I’d encourage her to do a private neuropsych since she disagrees. An in test can be part or done at the same time if she feels like it’ll help the child be better understood in terms of strengths and weaknesses.

*An IQ test

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gifted kids don't get bored and behave badly in schools. That's a myth. Truly gifted children always find something to engage themselves.

As far as what you should do, I am going with nod passively and ignore. I'm sure the cognitive dissonance is hard for her. And she's not likely to suddenly listen to YOU.

I get this if the kid is allowed to engage with something else. Some early elementary teachers do things like require prolonged sitting where the kid is forced to engage in content they have already mastered. It happens for sure. Or in your view what is the truly gifted kid doing in this situation? Floating away somewhere else in their brain?

[Anonymous]

If this was a close friend, I would ask if she's looked into the possibility that he is "twice-exceptional". This is a term for students who are gifted but also have a disability such as ADHD, dyslexia...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gifted kids don't get bored and behave badly in schools. That's a myth. Truly gifted children always find something to engage themselves.

As far as what you should do, I am going with nod passively and ignore. I'm sure the cognitive dissonance is hard for her. And she's not likely to suddenly listen to YOU.

What?? A myth?

[Anonymous]

I have a twice exceptional kid: high IQ, autism, ADHD. Such kids can indeed be gifted and yet have behavioral issues and need services and accommodations.

For the sake of her child, you need to speak up, and say that of course her child is gifted! But the behaviors are there, and he needs to be evaulauted so he can get the best services and accommodations. This is the BEST solution so he can thrive as he develops.

She might take a long time to realize the truth of this. She might temporarily resent you. But you are acting in the best interest of her child, which is, by far and away, the most important thing here. Early intervention is KEY.

I was receptive to the teachers' suggestions about my child, and we did a lot of training, OT, speech, PT, etc, along with an IEP plan at school. Thanks to all the years of support he got, he was able to do very well in school, and he's now in college. The parents I know who were in denial ended up really stressed out later on as they realized they had closed doors for their kids. Some things can't be corrected later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, parents do not receive what they perceive as criticism well.

If you want to continue the friendship MYOB.

If you are ok with possibly losing it then yes say something.

I doubt it will change her mind unfortunately for her child who needs help.

This. If you value the friendship with the mother, MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Acting up is often a sign of ADHD or ASD. If they ask your opinion I would encourage them to pursue further testing because that's likely the only thing that will convince your friend otherwise