Friend whose child has behavioral issues keeps insisting he's misunderstood and gifted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some questions you might ask her would be:

Has the school done a neuropsych. eval to make these recommendations? (the answer is prob yes, in which case you reply...) "and did the classroom observations by the evaluator that were described in the report line up with the teacher feedback you've received?" That might open her eyes a bit.

If the school or a private psychologist has not done an evaluation yet, I would recommend they look into getting one so that they have some information about where the behaviors are coming from.

As a longtime educator, I can agree with the above poster that bored gifted children don't behave badly. Total myth made up by parents who don't want to accept that their child is a behavior problem.

Shame on you. As an educator, you should know that children can be born with a high IQ (which is what gifted actually means), and also have a diagnosis (singular or plural), such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. They are called GT/LD (gifted, talented and learning disabled), or twice exceptional children. One or both parents are often the same. It runs in families.

EDUCATE YOURSELF.

[Anonymous]

You seem to want to smack the mom down and let her now her kid isn't gifted. Just because the kid has behavior problems doesn't mean she's not. Let the school figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some questions you might ask her would be:

Has the school done a neuropsych. eval to make these recommendations? (the answer is prob yes, in which case you reply...) "and did the classroom observations by the evaluator that were described in the report line up with the teacher feedback you've received?" That might open her eyes a bit.

If the school or a private psychologist has not done an evaluation yet, I would recommend they look into getting one so that they have some information about where the behaviors are coming from.

As a longtime educator, I can agree with the above poster that bored gifted children don't behave badly. Total myth made up by parents who don't want to accept that their child is a behavior problem.

Shame on you. As an educator, you should know that children can be born with a high IQ (which is what gifted actually means), and also have a diagnosis (singular or plural), such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. They are called GT/LD (gifted, talented and learning disabled), or twice exceptional children. One or both parents are often the same. It runs in families.

EDUCATE YOURSELF.

I'm the one you're replying to. No kidding. That's not what I was saying. I'm saying that being bored because you're too smart for the material is not the main cause of behavior problems. Which is why I suggested they get testing to find out the root cause. I work at a school for children with language disorders, and I can attest that the majority of them also have other diagnoses, such as ADHD, anxiety.

Sounds like maybe you should attend my school to work on your reading comprehension skills.

[Anonymous]

I would put it to the mother that it is too bad that school isn’t going well, as that must be upsetting for the child, as nobody wants to be unhappy all day. I’d mention that usually kids aren’t said to have truly designed issues unless the behavior is seen in all settings, which it seems like it is here. If you witness the child having issues on a play date or whenever, you could look concerned and ask if that is what the school is talking about. I’d also say that the parent might get a private evaluation from a third party who is not attached to the school.

I’d bet that the mother recognizes that something is wrong but hasn’t come to terms with it. You could encourage her to accept the school supports and see if those “more qualified” teachers have a different point of view.

I wouldn’t say or text anything in group settings, just privately with a tone of how hard it must be for the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to want to smack the mom down and let her now her kid isn't gifted. Just because the kid has behavior problems doesn't mean she's not. Let the school figure it out.

That's a bit of a stretchola.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem to want to smack the mom down and let her now her kid isn't gifted. Just because the kid has behavior problems doesn't mean she's not. Let the school figure it out.

+1 And just because the kid’s behavior is not ok, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she isn’t being targeted. She may or may not be reacting to bullying.

[Anonymous]

I don't think the gifted piece has to correlate to the behavior piece. In your situation I would just go with vague sympathy. Like "im sorry youre going through this, I hope youre able to find some good resources for next steps". And then let it be. If you wish to be kind saying something like "larla is such a great kid, i know youll help work through this" might be nice for her to hear. But dont try to solve problems that neither of you know about yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to want to smack the mom down and let her now her kid isn't gifted. Just because the kid has behavior problems doesn't mean she's not. Let the school figure it out.

That's a bit of a stretchola.

How so? Why is OP concerned with the IQ when it's the behavior that's the issue? The IQ is none of OPs business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this was a close friend, I would ask if she's looked into the possibility that he is "twice-exceptional". This is a term for students who are gifted but also have a disability such as ADHD, dyslexia...

+1

I would try not to personally attack or say anything to set my friend on the defensive. But I’d recommend a neutral third party opinion (e.g. neuropsych or at least a pediatrician ADHD evaluation) because her child may be gifted and having impulsivity/emotional issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem to want to smack the mom down and let her now her kid isn't gifted. Just because the kid has behavior problems doesn't mean she's not. Let the school figure it out.

That's a bit of a stretchola.

How so? Why is OP concerned with the IQ when it's the behavior that's the issue? The IQ is none of OPs business.

I'm guessing the OP is "concerned" by it because the parent attributed the behavior to that very thing?

[Anonymous]

Lock this child up

[Anonymous]

Unless a parent has a neurotypical older child, I find they don’t see it. It would be hard on your friendship if you do anything other than listen and be supportive. I’ve know several people who just don’t believe their kid could have an issue. I think it’s because that’s their “normal” so it seems fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some questions you might ask her would be:

Has the school done a neuropsych. eval to make these recommendations? (the answer is prob yes, in which case you reply...) "and did the classroom observations by the evaluator that were described in the report line up with the teacher feedback you've received?" That might open her eyes a bit.

If the school or a private psychologist has not done an evaluation yet, I would recommend they look into getting one so that they have some information about where the behaviors are coming from.

As a longtime educator, I can agree with the above poster that bored gifted children don't behave badly. Total myth made up by parents who don't want to accept that their child is a behavior problem.

I didn’t read your whole post but schools don’t do neuropsych evals. Ever. So there’s that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some questions you might ask her would be:

Has the school done a neuropsych. eval to make these recommendations? (the answer is prob yes, in which case you reply...) "and did the classroom observations by the evaluator that were described in the report line up with the teacher feedback you've received?" That might open her eyes a bit.

If the school or a private psychologist has not done an evaluation yet, I would recommend they look into getting one so that they have some information about where the behaviors are coming from.

As a longtime educator, I can agree with the above poster that bored gifted children don't behave badly. Total myth made up by parents who don't want to accept that their child is a behavior problem.

Shame on you. As an educator, you should know that children can be born with a high IQ (which is what gifted actually means), and also have a diagnosis (singular or plural), such as ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc. They are called GT/LD (gifted, talented and learning disabled), or twice exceptional children. One or both parents are often the same. It runs in families.

EDUCATE YOURSELF.

I'm the one you're replying to. No kidding. That's not what I was saying. I'm saying that being bored because you're too smart for the material is not the main cause of behavior problems. Which is why I suggested they get testing to find out the root cause. I work at a school for children with language disorders, and I can attest that the majority of them also have other diagnoses, such as ADHD, anxiety.

Sounds like maybe you should attend my school to work on your reading comprehension skills.

Ack that the person who thinks schools perform neuropsych evals works at a school for kids with language disorders. Only a neuropsychologist can perform a neuropsychological evaluation. Public schools don’t have those on staff. The assessment that the school does is not a neuropsych and does not diagnose a child. It finds areas of educational deficits and needs.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see diagnosing kids or describing their bad behavior as part of my friendship duties, unless I’m explicitly asked what I think.

In fact if I’m explicitly asked something general by a friend like this I’d probably say something like “I love Larla and you so much, it would be hard for me to be impartial. This sounds really stressful, I’m sorry you’re going through it.”

Or idk some better version of that, more specific or whatever. Just turn it to whatever is positive and true about the kid and focus on supporting your friend through a very hard moment which is surely very hard for any parent and she is probably acting in good faith even if she is wrong.