The social continuation of High School

[Anonymous]

Op, relating this observation. DD went to an OOS university. When DD learned a particular student from her HS was also going, DD was embarrassed. DD thought the student was far below her academically and besides just didn't like her. Turns out, 3 students went. One DD liked. The one DD didn't like. And one DD had no opinion about.

So DD liked 1/3. I think that's pretty standard. At any school, large or small, there is going to be a percentage of students you don't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids (and parents) with this view are actually very narrow-minded and immature. A cluster of students from your high school will be completely diluted at large state schools like UVA, JMU, and VT. This “continuation of high school” myth is just that…a myth.

That is true for UVA and maybe VA tech but trust me, my kids know clusters of kids from their high schools at both Tech and JMU who are all in the same fraternity or sorority. They did NOT what that experience.

dp.. ok, so then they don't have to join the same frat/sorority.

Right? JMU has 20,000 undergrads and VT has 30,000. Your kid can’t find new people and experiences because a handful of students from their high school are there? Makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Most of the oos colleges that DC could get into with merit will be lower ranked than UMD

Maryland Poster ~ I think you have a different scenario on your hands. UMD is very well respected. No reason to turn it down if you get in. Here is Virginia, few get into the top school(s). A much smaller percentage than your scenario - more of your students are being offered a spot at UMD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DC wanted to go to school out of state and in a completely different area than they grew up. Having lived on the East and West coasts, I completely supported their preference. College can be a a time to reinvent yourself which can be difficult if you attend school with others you went to school with or friends of those who know you.

Out of state schools don’t have to be more expensive than in-state schools. Look at Purdue, the Cal States, McGill, etc

? As someone who went to a cal state, I would never pay that much for my kid to go there from oos even if they are dying to get out of this area. They can do it on their own dime once they get a job.

Out of state tuition for some of the CSUs are bordering $20K to $30K just for tuition. Add to it the col (housing, airfare to and from, and everything else), the oos cost is going to be like $50K per year for a CSU degree. That is the dumbest thing ever.

Purdue is one of the cheaper oos colleges, but it's still more expensive than in state.

How many years ago was this? The only Cal State with OOS tuition near $30K is Cal Poly SLO and it beats UVA for engineering with in-state tuition of $20K. The remaining Cal States are around $20k or cheaper in tuition. San Diego State is a great option if a kid wants sunny, gorgeous campus, rah rah and a great education.

[Anonymous]

Just go to a big school.

I only saw a few of my old high school classmates from a distance as they were walking on campus. It helped that no one was in my major.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really would prefer my DC (HS class of 2026) stay in VA-both due to proximity and also cost, However they feel that they do not want the social continuation of their HS-with the top 10% academically going to UVA, top 30% to VTECH and most of the rest of the kids to JMU, VCU, GMU or NOVA. We are in a high achieving public HS in NOVA.

Have any of your kids expressed similar view?

It doesn't work like that at all. Assuming your HS has 500 kids in their grade and 20% end up at VT, that's 100. Once you are done dividign them across the various majors, you are unlikely to have more than a handful of kids in your DC's major. Even within that not everyone takes the same classes given AP credits, etc. Now intersect that number with the kids your DC actually knows in HS. Unless she is Miss Popularity, she likely knows about a 100 kids. You are looking at a very small number of 'same old' kids from her HS she will be interacting with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thinks it’s very common for kids to want to get away either because they think it will be HS all over, they think their parents won’t cut the cord if they are nearby, or they just want to go someplace different than where they have lived their whole lives. That said, there are lots of things I too would like if someone else is willing to pay for it, I’ve learned with my kids is if it’s our money - no problem but when it’s their money and sacrifice involved then you know it’s really important to them.

So our deal is we gave a budget that was a little higher than in-state. To go out of state they needed some combination of things to make it work like merit, job, and loans. So realistically they had to be willing to look OOS, maybe someplace not ranked as high as UMD, in order to maximize the chances of having an OOS option where they could get in and be offered merit.

Having the same discussion with our DC. Most of the oos colleges that DC could get into with merit will be lower ranked than UMD. All just so that they could experience living out of state. I mean, is PA all that different to MD? Do they really want to spend their $60K that they inherited on going to a lower ranked school for 4 years rather than saving it to help them get their own place and/or a new car after graduation?

I don't think 17/18 yr olds can really understand the opportunity cost of spending that much just to get a different vibe. I 100% support DC in doing a semester abroad, but spending $200K+ on a lower ranked college just because DC wants to get away from MD seems like not a smart choice.

I don’t know if future downpayment in a home is tangible enough but kids do understand car/no car, needing to work vs not, and loans vs not if they’ve had to be inconvenienced by not having a car of their own, had to work, and taken personal finance including understanding what rent etc costs are like in this area. My thing with getting into a school lower ranked than UMD with merit - is it could be a big pond little fish vs big fish little pond scenario. I’m a believer it’s what you do once you are there, not just about where you go. In addition, I assume companies local to the school probably recruit from the school. I saw first hand that the Denver office of the company I was with out of college hired a lot of UC Boulder grads, the NJ office hired a mix of many colleges including Princeton, NYU as well as Rutgers and Stevens Institute of Technology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot to be said for getting to be a new person when you start college. I was a wallflower in HS, but went to an out of state private for college and was super social, becoming student body president and the graduation speaker. Sometimes kids don't grow up to be the same person that thry were at 5, 10, 13 or even 16 yo. I know not everyone makes this sort of leap, but it does happen.

+1 My DS had zero interest in going to our midwestern state flagship. We did qualify for decent need-based financial aid, though, so we are paying roughly the same amount it would cost for him to attend a private university, so it wasn't a difficult decision. I doubt he will ever be the student body president, but he has made some great friends and I'm glad he's had the opportunity to spend time in a very different part of the country and making new friends.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation in North Carolina with UNC. Almost all the kids in the top x percent went there. I was....not thrilled at the prospect. I went to one of the most 'top' high schools in the state and there were a LOT of us that were there
In the end, it really didn't matter. My good friend went there. We purposefully did not room together and we maintained our friendship, met for dinner, hung out,vetv. I rarely saw other kids from high school in any meaningful way. When I did see them, we vaguely smiled and went along our ways. It might have been different in the sorority scene, but that was not my thing. I had no trouble reinventing myself in college, academically (I had not been at at top of my class but graduated phi beta kappa) and socially

[Anonymous]

DS says this is not a thing anyone at his FCPS high school cares about. If a handful of kids from your school go to VT or JMU then you’re unlikely to meet them. And also he doesn’t even know all the kids at his high school, so the other kids who go to the same big university in VA might not even be kids he knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really would prefer my DC (HS class of 2026) stay in VA-both due to proximity and also cost, However they feel that they do not want the social continuation of their HS-with the top 10% academically going to UVA, top 30% to VTECH and most of the rest of the kids to JMU, VCU, GMU or NOVA. We are in a high achieving public HS in NOVA.

Have any of your kids expressed similar view?

It doesn't work like that at all. Assuming your HS has 500 kids in their grade and 20% end up at VT, that's 100. Once you are done dividign them across the various majors, you are unlikely to have more than a handful of kids in your DC's major. Even within that not everyone takes the same classes given AP credits, etc. Now intersect that number with the kids your DC actually knows in HS. Unless she is Miss Popularity, she likely knows about a 100 kids. You are looking at a very small number of 'same old' kids from her HS she will be interacting with.

I was in band in HS and many of those kids went to the State U and joined the marching band. If I'd gone there I would have ended up in almost exactly the same social circle as HS. A few new kids eventually worked their way into the group (mainly new bfs and gfs) but the core 30-40 kids were exactly the same as HS. I see posts on FB of that same group still hanging out. Now their kids are going to the State U and joining marching band.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot to be said for getting to be a new person when you start college. I was a wallflower in HS, but went to an out of state private for college and was super social, becoming student body president and the graduation speaker. Sometimes kids don't grow up to be the same person that thry were at 5, 10, 13 or even 16 yo. I know not everyone makes this sort of leap, but it does happen.

I'm the PP who ended up at the local LAC. Yeah, I could've really used this and regret that I didn't learn those social skills to help me in my later years.

I don't think being at the close LAC prevented you from learning these social skills. Like I said up thread, wherever you go, there you are.

Oh yes, you're right. How did any of us on here not realize you are the oracle?

People who paint life in such broad swaths miss out on nuance. For me, I didn't necessarily grasp what was happening in the moment. I did feel hindered by my perceptions of what my HS, now college, classmates would think of me if I stepped out in new and different ways. And it was complicated because I felt terribly lucky to even be in college, a first gen kid, so that was an additional burden I carried as I made my way through school. Grad school for me was probably like what many experience for college, but that came later in life.

You're making sarcastic comments about "not realizing", and then state how you "didn't necessarily grasp what was happening in the moment".

You seem rather clueless about yourself still.

No, I was dissing on their self-righteous snap back.

I wasn't being self righteous. Just stating the obvious. You clearly still have issues.

Bless your children

[Anonymous]

My DD went to UVA and didn’t know any of the people from her hs that were going. She also met all new people so it wasn’t high school and it’s considered a medium sized school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot to be said for getting to be a new person when you start college. I was a wallflower in HS, but went to an out of state private for college and was super social, becoming student body president and the graduation speaker. Sometimes kids don't grow up to be the same person that thry were at 5, 10, 13 or even 16 yo. I know not everyone makes this sort of leap, but it does happen.

I'm the PP who ended up at the local LAC. Yeah, I could've really used this and regret that I didn't learn those social skills to help me in my later years.

I don't think being at the close LAC prevented you from learning these social skills. Like I said up thread, wherever you go, there you are.

Oh yes, you're right. How did any of us on here not realize you are the oracle?

People who paint life in such broad swaths miss out on nuance. For me, I didn't necessarily grasp what was happening in the moment. I did feel hindered by my perceptions of what my HS, now college, classmates would think of me if I stepped out in new and different ways. And it was complicated because I felt terribly lucky to even be in college, a first gen kid, so that was an additional burden I carried as I made my way through school. Grad school for me was probably like what many experience for college, but that came later in life.

I understand exactly what you mean, and I felt the same when I went far away. One can say “you shouldn’t have needed a fresh start,” but that ‘should’ is irrelevant. I did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really would prefer my DC (HS class of 2026) stay in VA-both due to proximity and also cost, However they feel that they do not want the social continuation of their HS-with the top 10% academically going to UVA, top 30% to VTECH and most of the rest of the kids to JMU, VCU, GMU or NOVA. We are in a high achieving public HS in NOVA.

Have any of your kids expressed similar view?

It doesn't work like that at all. Assuming your HS has 500 kids in their grade and 20% end up at VT, that's 100. Once you are done dividign them across the various majors, you are unlikely to have more than a handful of kids in your DC's major. Even within that not everyone takes the same classes given AP credits, etc. Now intersect that number with the kids your DC actually knows in HS. Unless she is Miss Popularity, she likely knows about a 100 kids. You are looking at a very small number of 'same old' kids from her HS she will be interacting with.

I was in band in HS and many of those kids went to the State U and joined the marching band. If I'd gone there I would have ended up in almost exactly the same social circle as HS. A few new kids eventually worked their way into the group (mainly new bfs and gfs) but the core 30-40 kids were exactly the same as HS. I see posts on FB of that same group still hanging out. Now their kids are going to the State U and joining marching band.

Sounds like a bunch of nerds!