The social continuation of High School

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son. Headed to an Ivy next year though--helps me stomach the high price tag a little more.

? not being HS 2.0 makes you able to stomach the $80K/year price tag? Crazy. You could go in state and just not hang out with people from your HS. State flagships are huge. The majority of students won't be from your HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These schools are huge. You don't need to see anyone from high school. That shouldn't be a driving factor in his college decision. He doesn't need hours and hours of distance in order to have the independence and growth. Unless you're a crazy mom and just show up to see him all the time

I don't know why people are obsessed with people going away. He can travel, study abroad, get internships, join clubs, play a new sport. There are many ways to expand your horizons. If cost is a factor, then you need to clearly tell him what you're able to swing. Then he applies to a variety of schools and go from there.

+1 Study abroad is a great idea.

[Anonymous]

If your kid doesn't like people, different people won't be any better. It's a lot of work to reinvent your personality, but some people don't successfully.

[Anonymous]

My DD is like this. IMO, the issue is not others; it's her. Even if she goes oos, the issues will follow her.

I'm 100% supportive of DD doing a semester abroad; we go to Europe regularly to visit family. But, most colleges in the US will be a social continuation of HS. If you want to meet new people, that's easy enough to do at a large state school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here--I am worried that even if they go OOS their social experience will be the same as they are who they are, I don't tell them this as it will be seen as negative. We don't meet need. It seems that most schools will offer enough merit aid to meet UVAs cost--so around 50K-UM and and Ivy's being the exception.

Each college or university will have its own social and cultural experience. Our student voiced the concern about wanting to get as far away as possible from the HS social constructs. Some of that can be accomplished by the major they select and in some cases it can't. Going to a new state also provides an opportunity to be part of a new political landscape (for better or worse). Our student was adamant about not going to a SLAC where money or Greek life ruled. They also didn't want to be part of a bigger school with greek life. The other part of the equation is what your student choices to do when they go to school, ours was very deliberate in finding people not like their high school.

[Anonymous]

The way you described it as top 10% going to UVA, top 30% going to VT, and the rest going elsewhere is a bit simplistic, by the way.

You need to be top 5% at my kid's school (4.4 GPA) to get into UVA, but VT is no slam dunk. WM, JMU and the others also have tons of great, successful kids and schools.

You can't be top 30% and get into VT Pamplin or Engineering. Stop thinking or describing it as a relative safety to UVA.

Anyway, your kid can decide, but once you get the acceptance options and the costs and real distances come into play, the in state options might look better to them. Apply to both kinds of schools and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of mine went to VT with one of his best friends from HS and still seems to hang mostly with HS friends. But I know plenty of kids go there and never see HS friends. I think DS's experience is more the exception. Most of these schools are really big and you CAN continue HS social life but only if you - and your HS friends - want it to. It takes that desire and real proactive initiative to maintain those friendships.

Also, the fact that the top 10% can get into UVA (and really it's more like top 5%) doesn't mean all of that top 5% only go to UVA.

It has not been the exception with my two students.
One at UVA and one at JMU - both kids joke that it is like HS all over again.
But should note both are VERY happy at their schools.

[Anonymous]

OP, I ended up at our local LAC. I was headed for one about 2 hours away, but had an epiphany after HS graduation that the college would not be a good fit (very, very Greek, very wealthy) for me. So I ended up at the local LAC (living on campus), which was a good fit for me in terms of academics, EC opportunities, and macro social life (no Greek system), but the social continuation of HS was constraining and probably still has negative effects for me to this day. In fact, I've been mulling it even more over the last few months.

Please don't ignore your DC's wishes. You can be realistic about budget, etc, but listen to them about the social. There are probably ways to make both happen. GL to your DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I ended up at our local LAC. I was headed for one about 2 hours away, but had an epiphany after HS graduation that the college would not be a good fit (very, very Greek, very wealthy) for me. So I ended up at the local LAC (living on campus), which was a good fit for me in terms of academics, EC opportunities, and macro social life (no Greek system), but the social continuation of HS was constraining and probably still has negative effects for me to this day. In fact, I've been mulling it even more over the last few months.

Please don't ignore your DC's wishes. You can be realistic about budget, etc, but listen to them about the social. There are probably ways to make both happen. GL to your DC.

Thank You! This is exactly what I am afraid , not that they will have severe social issues going into adulthood but rather a sense of 'blah". Once we have the PSAT11/SAT we can work more on figuring out college choices/options and managing academics, social hopes and costs.

[Anonymous]

There's a lot to be said for getting to be a new person when you start college. I was a wallflower in HS, but went to an out of state private for college and was super social, becoming student body president and the graduation speaker. Sometimes kids don't grow up to be the same person that thry were at 5, 10, 13 or even 16 yo. I know not everyone makes this sort of leap, but it does happen.

[Anonymous]

I can understand this. I wanted to go away and have 0 of my high school classmates at my college. And I loved high school and had lots of friends!
The other problem with instate is that even if the other kids aren't from your high school, they're still mostly from your state. It may be a big school, but it feels similar enough to high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot to be said for getting to be a new person when you start college. I was a wallflower in HS, but went to an out of state private for college and was super social, becoming student body president and the graduation speaker. Sometimes kids don't grow up to be the same person that thry were at 5, 10, 13 or even 16 yo. I know not everyone makes this sort of leap, but it does happen.

I'm the PP who ended up at the local LAC. Yeah, I could've really used this and regret that I didn't learn those social skills to help me in my later years.

[Anonymous]

You should not spend more money on a college education just do your kid can get away from his high school classmates. Kid needs to grow up and get a clue and stop being so selfish.

[Anonymous]

Great thread here, my kid feels this too. Totally done with this area and the other students in school. Wants to go to a very outdoors college with laid back vibe but still work hard without as many cutthroat people.

Trying to do all this btw not easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great thread here, my kid feels this too. Totally done with this area and the other students in school. Wants to go to a very outdoors college with laid back vibe but still work hard without as many cutthroat people.

Trying to do all this btw not easy.

What's not easy? Go visit UC-Boulder and your search will be over.