The social continuation of High School

[Anonymous]

I understand this.

I went to a SUNY that people called 13th grade and I recall that one boy who had been kind of nerdy really broke out and became very social and "cool" and no one let the poor guy forget his origin story.

To me it's about if you can afford it or not. I would like my kids to be able to go to more of a national university and experience something outside of the state they grew up in. But it's not worth going into debt over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand this. I wanted to go away and have 0 of my high school classmates at my college. And I loved high school and had lots of friends!
The other problem with instate is that even if the other kids aren't from your high school, they're still mostly from your state. It may be a big school, but it feels similar enough to high school.

Going to an OOS public with a good-sized majority of in-state students may not feel like YOUR high school, but it may still feel like high school (i.e., the high schools of the in-staters).

[Anonymous]

I was very shy and had no close friends in Hs. There was no way I was gonna go to the state flagship with 1/3 my class. I went to a small liberal arts school and completely came out of my shell, and became a new person.

That being said, my kids go to UVA. They almost never see any of the other ten kids from their class that go there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot to be said for getting to be a new person when you start college. I was a wallflower in HS, but went to an out of state private for college and was super social, becoming student body president and the graduation speaker. Sometimes kids don't grow up to be the same person that thry were at 5, 10, 13 or even 16 yo. I know not everyone makes this sort of leap, but it does happen.

I'm the PP who ended up at the local LAC. Yeah, I could've really used this and regret that I didn't learn those social skills to help me in my later years.

I don't think being at the close LAC prevented you from learning these social skills. Like I said up thread, wherever you go, there you are.

Oh yes, you're right. How did any of us on here not realize you are the oracle?

People who paint life in such broad swaths miss out on nuance. For me, I didn't necessarily grasp what was happening in the moment. I did feel hindered by my perceptions of what my HS, now college, classmates would think of me if I stepped out in new and different ways. And it was complicated because I felt terribly lucky to even be in college, a first gen kid, so that was an additional burden I carried as I made my way through school. Grad school for me was probably like what many experience for college, but that came later in life.

You're making sarcastic comments about "not realizing", and then state how you "didn't necessarily grasp what was happening in the moment".

You seem rather clueless about yourself still.

No, I was dissing on their self-righteous snap back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can understand this. I wanted to go away and have 0 of my high school classmates at my college. And I loved high school and had lots of friends!
The other problem with instate is that even if the other kids aren't from your high school, they're still mostly from your state. It may be a big school, but it feels similar enough to high school.

Well guess what the kids from any other state just aren't going to be all that different from the kids from your state. There really aren't any state or regional differences any more. And in particular, the type of kids a DCUM kid from the wealthy DC suburbs is likely to meet won't be very different from the kids from other wealthy suburbs in California or wherever.

That aside I went to a state flagship and never saw anyone from high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

(Yes I get that “curious about a different vibe” is not the same thing.

Paying $80k/year for "a different vibe" is almost the stupidest fscking thing ever -- the stupidest thing ever is the parents permitting this.

[Anonymous]

My DC wanted to go to school out of state and in a completely different area than they grew up. Having lived on the East and West coasts, I completely supported their preference. College can be a a time to reinvent yourself which can be difficult if you attend school with others you went to school with or friends of those who know you.

Out of state schools don’t have to be more expensive than in-state schools. Look at Purdue, the Cal States, McGill, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot to be said for getting to be a new person when you start college. I was a wallflower in HS, but went to an out of state private for college and was super social, becoming student body president and the graduation speaker. Sometimes kids don't grow up to be the same person that thry were at 5, 10, 13 or even 16 yo. I know not everyone makes this sort of leap, but it does happen.

I'm the PP who ended up at the local LAC. Yeah, I could've really used this and regret that I didn't learn those social skills to help me in my later years.

I don't think being at the close LAC prevented you from learning these social skills. Like I said up thread, wherever you go, there you are.

Oh yes, you're right. How did any of us on here not realize you are the oracle?

People who paint life in such broad swaths miss out on nuance. For me, I didn't necessarily grasp what was happening in the moment. I did feel hindered by my perceptions of what my HS, now college, classmates would think of me if I stepped out in new and different ways. And it was complicated because I felt terribly lucky to even be in college, a first gen kid, so that was an additional burden I carried as I made my way through school. Grad school for me was probably like what many experience for college, but that came later in life.

You're making sarcastic comments about "not realizing", and then state how you "didn't necessarily grasp what was happening in the moment".

You seem rather clueless about yourself still.

No, I was dissing on their self-righteous snap back.

I wasn't being self righteous. Just stating the obvious. You clearly still have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC wanted to go to school out of state and in a completely different area than they grew up. Having lived on the East and West coasts, I completely supported their preference. College can be a a time to reinvent yourself which can be difficult if you attend school with others you went to school with or friends of those who know you.

Out of state schools don’t have to be more expensive than in-state schools. Look at Purdue, the Cal States, McGill, etc

? As someone who went to a cal state, I would never pay that much for my kid to go there from oos even if they are dying to get out of this area. They can do it on their own dime once they get a job.

Out of state tuition for some of the CSUs are bordering $20K to $30K just for tuition. Add to it the col (housing, airfare to and from, and everything else), the oos cost is going to be like $50K per year for a CSU degree. That is the dumbest thing ever.

Purdue is one of the cheaper oos colleges, but it's still more expensive than in state.

[Anonymous]

I think kids (and parents) with this view are actually very narrow-minded and immature. A cluster of students from your high school will be completely diluted at large state schools like UVA, JMU, and VT. This “continuation of high school” myth is just that…a myth.

[Anonymous]

I thinks it’s very common for kids to want to get away either because they think it will be HS all over, they think their parents won’t cut the cord if they are nearby, or they just want to go someplace different than where they have lived their whole lives. That said, there are lots of things I too would like if someone else is willing to pay for it, I’ve learned with my kids is if it’s our money - no problem but when it’s their money and sacrifice involved then you know it’s really important to them.

So our deal is we gave a budget that was a little higher than in-state. To go out of state they needed some combination of things to make it work like merit, job, and loans. So realistically they had to be willing to look OOS, maybe someplace not ranked as high as UMD, in order to maximize the chances of having an OOS option where they could get in and be offered merit.

[Anonymous]

The notion that your kid is going to see all his high school mates at college on a regular basis is nuts. One of my kids goes to UVA and never sees or hangs out with anyone from high school.

Maybe what OP’s kid means, but is clumsily articulating, is the desire to leave the hyper competitive nature of the area and the NE behind. My other kid feels the same way and will be attending a SLAC outside the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think kids (and parents) with this view are actually very narrow-minded and immature. A cluster of students from your high school will be completely diluted at large state schools like UVA, JMU, and VT. This “continuation of high school” myth is just that…a myth.

That is true for UVA and maybe VA tech but trust me, my kids know clusters of kids from their high schools at both Tech and JMU who are all in the same fraternity or sorority. They did NOT what that experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thinks it’s very common for kids to want to get away either because they think it will be HS all over, they think their parents won’t cut the cord if they are nearby, or they just want to go someplace different than where they have lived their whole lives. That said, there are lots of things I too would like if someone else is willing to pay for it, I’ve learned with my kids is if it’s our money - no problem but when it’s their money and sacrifice involved then you know it’s really important to them.

So our deal is we gave a budget that was a little higher than in-state. To go out of state they needed some combination of things to make it work like merit, job, and loans. So realistically they had to be willing to look OOS, maybe someplace not ranked as high as UMD, in order to maximize the chances of having an OOS option where they could get in and be offered merit.

Having the same discussion with our DC. Most of the oos colleges that DC could get into with merit will be lower ranked than UMD. All just so that they could experience living out of state. I mean, is PA all that different to MD? Do they really want to spend their $60K that they inherited on going to a lower ranked school for 4 years rather than saving it to help them get their own place and/or a new car after graduation?

I don't think 17/18 yr olds can really understand the opportunity cost of spending that much just to get a different vibe. I 100% support DC in doing a semester abroad, but spending $200K+ on a lower ranked college just because DC wants to get away from MD seems like not a smart choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think kids (and parents) with this view are actually very narrow-minded and immature. A cluster of students from your high school will be completely diluted at large state schools like UVA, JMU, and VT. This “continuation of high school” myth is just that…a myth.

That is true for UVA and maybe VA tech but trust me, my kids know clusters of kids from their high schools at both Tech and JMU who are all in the same fraternity or sorority. They did NOT what that experience.

dp.. ok, so then they don't have to join the same frat/sorority.