13yo sleepover without meeting the parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD13 doesn’t have school tomorrow and is going home today with a new-ish friend and a couple other friends. They are going to see a movie. This morning DD asks if she can spend the night, that a sleepover has suddenly been planned and all of the girls are sleeping over. The mom is ok with it. No brothers in the house. Mom will be home the entire time. I’ve never met the mom in person, but I’ll shoot her a text. Would you be comfortable with this? They live about a mile away.

Yes, this is the how it works at this age.

How is "no brothers in the house" relevant to anything?

Not OP, but a friend of mine was sexually molested by an older brother at a sleepover. She was eleven and he was 14.

[Anonymous]

No. Pick her up at midnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD13 doesn’t have school tomorrow and is going home today with a new-ish friend and a couple other friends. They are going to see a movie. This morning DD asks if she can spend the night, that a sleepover has suddenly been planned and all of the girls are sleeping over. The mom is ok with it. No brothers in the house. Mom will be home the entire time. I’ve never met the mom in person, but I’ll shoot her a text. Would you be comfortable with this? They live about a mile away.

Yes, this is the how it works at this age.

How is "no brothers in the house" relevant to anything?

DP but it came out many years later that a friend's brother was molesting his sister's friend at sleepovers. My parents did not allow me to do sleepovers, thank god.

This is much more common than you think. I was molested during a sleepover when I was 8 by my best friend’s 14-year-old brother. The parents went out shopping, and he made his move trying to make of seem like it was a game. My friend didn’t do or say anything which confused me. I learned 11 years later when we were in our late teens that she was being sexually abused by her dad.

This did scar me and made it scary for me to go to my friend’s house. I tried to keep our playdates at my house as much as possible after that but I never told my parents because they would have severed our friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD13 doesn’t have school tomorrow and is going home today with a new-ish friend and a couple other friends. They are going to see a movie. This morning DD asks if she can spend the night, that a sleepover has suddenly been planned and all of the girls are sleeping over. The mom is ok with it. No brothers in the house. Mom will be home the entire time. I’ve never met the mom in person, but I’ll shoot her a text. Would you be comfortable with this? They live about a mile away.

Yes, this is the how it works at this age.

How is "no brothers in the house" relevant to anything?

OP here. I don’t think it matters but I put it out there because I assumed someone would want all the facts. You know DCUM.

Thanks for your reply!

It's not in any way relevant to the question you posed, though. It was a strange thing to mention.

No it wasn’t a strange thing to mention, PP.
You’re being obtuse to feign cluelessness about why it was mentioned
About 98% of all sexual assault is perpetrated by males. Assault crimes require opportunity. For a potential predator, Opportunity and vulnerability is created when young girls are sleeping in the next room.
Does this mean that a brother is necessarily a predator?
No.
But don’t be obnoxious by pretending you have no idea why that extraneous detail would be mentioned
Some parents simply prefer to eliminate opportunity rather than attempt to assess the nature of the boy in question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be less concerned about the parents for now, but rather that this is a new-ish friendship. Has your daughter been over her house multiple times? Does your daughter know her parents at all? Does this friend identify as gay/bi (a lot of middle school girls do). I wouldn’t want my teen spending the night with a friend she doesn’t know very well, or hasn’t met the parents, or has not spent much time at their house

Would you not allow a sleepover with a kid who was gay/bi, even if they weren't dating each other? It's so common now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be less concerned about the parents for now, but rather that this is a new-ish friendship. Has your daughter been over her house multiple times? Does your daughter know her parents at all? Does this friend identify as gay/bi (a lot of middle school girls do). I wouldn’t want my teen spending the night with a friend she doesn’t know very well, or hasn’t met the parents, or has not spent much time at their house

Would you not allow a sleepover with a kid who was gay/bi, even if they weren't dating each other? It's so common now.

DP here. I would not allow it. It is only common because it is a fad and a cool thing right now thanks to the media's attention to it. No way it is "common" in reality. Kids change their minds about even mundane things all the time.

[Anonymous]

It’s common to not meet the parents in middle school. At some point you probably will meet them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be less concerned about the parents for now, but rather that this is a new-ish friendship. Has your daughter been over her house multiple times? Does your daughter know her parents at all? Does this friend identify as gay/bi (a lot of middle school girls do). I wouldn’t want my teen spending the night with a friend she doesn’t know very well, or hasn’t met the parents, or has not spent much time at their house

Would you not allow a sleepover with a kid who was gay/bi, even if they weren't dating each other? It's so common now.

No I wouldn’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like a lot of parents here in this thread should be less worried about the what ifs at a sleepover, and more worried about the anxiety disorder they are likely giving their children by treating every mundane activity like a potential death trap.

Not knowing the parents is not just a “mundane activity”

It’s fine to want to meet the parents or ask questions, but some of these comments are insane. The hard ban or wanting to interview the parents of their high school seniors.

Beware teaching your kids that the world is a big scary place that is out to get them at every turn, and that they can’t be trusted to navigate any of that themselves. Some parents I see still walk their middle schoolers to the bus stop. It’s weird and not healthy.

Yes- bad stuff happens, but most of the time the molesters are a family member or close friend. If you keep your kid afraid and sheltered, in the end they are usually more vulnerable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This would be a no go for me. Just imagine, your daughter goes missing and you can’t even describe how the mother looks physically because you never met her. Nope.

Honestly, this may be one of the craziest things I've read on this page. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughters are 16 & 17 so maybe I just don't remember, but this seems really weird to me. Until what age do you all continue to need to contact the other parents?

Until they leave my house at 18

This!

You must have young kids. Wait until they start driving. You can't helicopter as long as you would probably like. Or you can, and as soon as they leave your house they will go crazy with freedom.

[Anonymous]

Parent of teens. Sleepovers only if we know the family. I had a weird situation with a friend’s older brother so that’s on my radar.