MIL announced she is filing for divorce

[Anonymous]

Who said anything about butting in?

Spouse didn’t offer anything in return to her announcement. He just wants to maintain a good relationship with his own brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who said anything about butting in?

Spouse didn’t offer anything in return to her announcement. He just wants to maintain a good relationship with his own brother.

What in the world do you need to "vent" about then? This doesn't impact you in the slightest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who said anything about butting in?

Spouse didn’t offer anything in return to her announcement. He just wants to maintain a good relationship with his own brother.

What in the world do you need to "vent" about then? This doesn't impact you in the slightest.

I really don’t care about your personal opinions, PP. that seems to be difficult for you to comprehend. Do you think this is about you?

Or are you just over identifying with this situation?

Just let it go. This site wouldn’t exist without anonymous venting. That’s it’s whole purpose. Mooching ILs are not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who said anything about butting in?

Spouse didn’t offer anything in return to her announcement. He just wants to maintain a good relationship with his own brother.

What in the world do you need to "vent" about then? This doesn't impact you in the slightest.

I really don’t care about your personal opinions, PP. that seems to be difficult for you to comprehend. Do you think this is about you?

Or are you just over identifying with this situation?

Just let it go. This site wouldn’t exist without anonymous venting. That’s it’s whole purpose. Mooching ILs are not uncommon.

There is more than one person who thinks you’re being weird here OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What’s the issue? They are free to divorce. He isn’t your DH’s father.

+1

OP here-

I am concerned because she has a history of begging spouse for money. He’s only ever paid for a few restaurant meals and shared travel expenses a few times before but she is always asking both of us every time we see her.

Are you concerned or just venting about someone mooching off someone that isn’t you? Make up your mind.

[Anonymous]

What is the difference between those two things, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If MIL is constantly concerned about money why is she divorcing? Divorce is expensive and for people like MIL (who are apparently always struggling enough to constantly be asking her children doe money) she will end up on much worse financial footing. BIL is insane if he's having her move in. MIL will never leave and his marriage will likely be strained into divorce.

OP again- without providing further background explanation, PP, you hit my concern’s nail on the head. My spouse and his brother have a good relationship (as far as we can tell). His brother (who is married and has children of his own) just purchased a single family home (4 bed, 3 bath) in 2023. That is where MIL announced she is moving when my spouse called to wish her a happy Mother’s Day. He plans to call his brother to ask for his side of the story on the weekend. Something doesn’t add up here.

He and his wife lived with MIL and SFIL for a few years while they saved up for a down payment but this was over a decade ago. They then sold that house and used the proceeds to buy their new home.

MIL has been asking us to buy a larger house for the last ten years or so. She harps on this every time we see her. We live in a HCOL area so we have a smaller house than BIL (3 bed 2 bath). She told us she wanted this so she wouldn’t have to stay in a hotel when she visited. We had no idea she was planning to move in with either of her adult sons. BIL just beat us to the bigger house acquisition so we suspect that’s why she said that she’s moving in with him.

So we agree you really dislike your mother in law and any "concern" you have in this situation is not for her at all, right? You've flip-flopped on this point, but it is clear you are worried about (your) money. (Even though there is absolutely zero history of your financial situation being impacted by your MIL)

[Anonymous]

I’m over you, PP. You obviously feel called out even though you are not directly referenced in what I wrote. My MIL doesn’t even know this site exists.

I do appreciate those who understood any of my concerns of whom there were more. Thanks to those posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you care about stepfather? Let his family deal with it. Not your problem.

OP said they have a good relationship with the stepfather. The fact that you, PP, can't even imagine that someone might actually care about a stepparent (whom OP says they've known for 25 years) is sad. You need an empathy transplant. Your own family might choose not to "deal with it" when YOU need help someday.

As hard as this might be to believe, I actually do care about SFIL. I’ve known them both for almost two decades. Even through he can handle his own care, I think it’s sad that he’s being abandoned by the people closest to him when he needs them the most.

I’m always happy to offer my ILs practical help. Not financial but practical.

She has asked you for nothing and has a plan to move in with other family. Stop borrowing trouble.

Are you squatting at your adult offspring’s house, too, PP?

I can’t avoid “borrowing trouble”. I actually care about my spouse. And if that word bothers you? Well, that’s a personal problem.

It has nothing to do with you if MIL lives with her other adult child. If they don't want her or need your husband to help with caregiving or costs that is one thing, but still not your business.

My MIL had an unexpected surgery when my husband and I lived overseas. My husband had a major work emergency that no one else could cover so I flew back to the US to help her! Even though her daughter, husband, and kids live 5 minutes from my in-laws and also use them for free babysitting, I was the one to take care of her for the first week back from the hospital. My FIL was leaving a few days after surgery on a weekend golf trip and was useless when it came to caregiving... don't ask. My MIL have not really had a great relationship, but she is my husband's mother and my children's grandmother! I don't know but that is what you do for family. I hope you never have an emergency and need help! And poor SFIL, hope he moves into assisted living or something.

NP, but it sounds like you like the martyr role. There is absolutely 0 reason for someone to fly overseas to help MIL when multiple people live 5m away. That's a you issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m over you, PP. You obviously feel called out even though you are not directly referenced in what I wrote. My MIL doesn’t even know this site exists.

I do appreciate those who understood any of my concerns of whom there were more. Thanks to those posters.

This is wildly untrue.

[Anonymous]

Did SFIL cut ties with his family when he married MIL?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did SFIL cut ties with his family when he married MIL?

I have only ever heard rumors about why he wasn’t in contact with them, but I do know that he tried to reach out to them consistently over the years. Only when his mother died did his grown children agree to speak with him and see him.

And then MIL made this proclamation last weekend.

That’s all I know on that subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did SFIL cut ties with his family when he married MIL?

I have only ever heard rumors about why he wasn’t in contact with them, but I do know that he tried to reach out to them consistently over the years. Only when his mother died did his grown children agree to speak with him and see him.

And then MIL made this proclamation last weekend.

That’s all I know on that subject.

You continue to characterize this woman telling her son about her life an "announcement" or "proclamation." It is so bizarre and dripping with disdain....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did SFIL cut ties with his family when he married MIL?

I have only ever heard rumors about why he wasn’t in contact with them, but I do know that he tried to reach out to them consistently over the years. Only when his mother died did his grown children agree to speak with him and see him.

And then MIL made this proclamation last weekend.

That’s all I know on that subject.

You continue to characterize this woman telling her son about her life an "announcement" or "proclamation." It is so bizarre and dripping with disdain....

While op is a bit rough around the edges, I'd say her characterization of MIL's news as a proclamation or announcement is correct.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did SFIL cut ties with his family when he married MIL?

I have only ever heard rumors about why he wasn’t in contact with them, but I do know that he tried to reach out to them consistently over the years. Only when his mother died did his grown children agree to speak with him and see him.

And then MIL made this proclamation last weekend.

That’s all I know on that subject.

So the reasons you have heard for why his children choose no contact with him are just rumors, but it is *fact* that this man has "consistently reached out to them"? Interesting.

What are the "rumors"?