MIL announced she is filing for divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL does have young children and relies on his in laws for daycare. We have never relied on them for daycare or financial support. As a result there is always a lot we don’t know.

You've never given MIL money.
You've never relied on her for anything.
You don't know a lot about her life.

Why do you care?

Because it’s my husband’s mother and he cares about her, so I care, too. Just not so much that I’m willing to cover her expenses.

Nothing at all about your OP or subsequent posts indicates that you are at all coming from a place of caring about your MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL does have young children and relies on his in laws for daycare. We have never relied on them for daycare or financial support. As a result there is always a lot we don’t know.

You've never given MIL money.
You've never relied on her for anything.
You don't know a lot about her life.

Why do you care?

Because it’s my husband’s mother and he cares about her, so I care, too. Just not so much that I’m willing to cover her expenses.

Nothing at all about your OP or subsequent posts indicates that you are at all coming from a place of caring about your MIL.

Are you feeling personally attacked, PP? Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope your stepfather has insurance for his care. MIL shouldn’t stay if she doesn’t feel up to it.

That's the thing. We all only have one life to live. She's got to live hers. I wouldn't want a spouse to stick around if they resented me and my care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL does have young children and relies on his in laws for daycare. We have never relied on them for daycare or financial support. As a result there is always a lot we don’t know.

You've never given MIL money.
You've never relied on her for anything.
You don't know a lot about her life.

Why do you care?

Because it’s my husband’s mother and he cares about her, so I care, too. Just not so much that I’m willing to cover her expenses.

Nothing at all about your OP or subsequent posts indicates that you are at all coming from a place of caring about your MIL.

Are you feeling personally attacked, PP? Why?

Nothing about PPs post suggest this. What a bizarre question designed to stir the pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL does have young children and relies on his in laws for daycare. We have never relied on them for daycare or financial support. As a result there is always a lot we don’t know.

You've never given MIL money.
You've never relied on her for anything.
You don't know a lot about her life.

Why do you care?

Because it’s my husband’s mother and he cares about her, so I care, too. Just not so much that I’m willing to cover her expenses.

Nothing at all about your OP or subsequent posts indicates that you are at all coming from a place of caring about your MIL.

Are you feeling personally attacked, PP? Why?

Nothing about PPs post suggest this. What a bizarre question designed to stir the pot.

PP is probably the trolling MIL. Moocher boomers are a breed, aren’t they…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you care about stepfather? Let his family deal with it. Not your problem.

OP said they have a good relationship with the stepfather. The fact that you, PP, can't even imagine that someone might actually care about a stepparent (whom OP says they've known for 25 years) is sad. You need an empathy transplant. Your own family might choose not to "deal with it" when YOU need help someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL does have young children and relies on his in laws for daycare. We have never relied on them for daycare or financial support. As a result there is always a lot we don’t know.

You've never given MIL money.
You've never relied on her for anything.
You don't know a lot about her life.

Why do you care?

Because it’s my husband’s mother and he cares about her, so I care, too. Just not so much that I’m willing to cover her expenses.

Nothing at all about your OP or subsequent posts indicates that you are at all coming from a place of caring about your MIL.

Are you feeling personally attacked, PP? Why?

Nothing about PPs post suggest this. What a bizarre question designed to stir the pot.

PP is probably the trolling MIL. Moocher boomers are a breed, aren’t they…

Much more likely OP is the troll. But you know that and just want to get things going in here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you care about stepfather? Let his family deal with it. Not your problem.

OP said they have a good relationship with the stepfather. The fact that you, PP, can't even imagine that someone might actually care about a stepparent (whom OP says they've known for 25 years) is sad. You need an empathy transplant. Your own family might choose not to "deal with it" when YOU need help someday.

OP doesn't care about the stepfather. She just doesn't her "spouse" to support his mother in any fashion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you care about stepfather? Let his family deal with it. Not your problem.

OP said they have a good relationship with the stepfather. The fact that you, PP, can't even imagine that someone might actually care about a stepparent (whom OP says they've known for 25 years) is sad. You need an empathy transplant. Your own family might choose not to "deal with it" when YOU need help someday.

As hard as this might be to believe, I actually do care about SFIL. I’ve known them both for almost two decades. Even through he can handle his own care, I think it’s sad that he’s being abandoned by the people closest to him when he needs them the most.

I’m always happy to offer my ILs practical help. Not financial but practical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you care about stepfather? Let his family deal with it. Not your problem.

OP said they have a good relationship with the stepfather. The fact that you, PP, can't even imagine that someone might actually care about a stepparent (whom OP says they've known for 25 years) is sad. You need an empathy transplant. Your own family might choose not to "deal with it" when YOU need help someday.

As hard as this might be to believe, I actually do care about SFIL. I’ve known them both for almost two decades. Even through he can handle his own care, I think it’s sad that he’s being abandoned by the people closest to him when he needs them the most.

I’m always happy to offer my ILs practical help. Not financial but practical.

She has asked you for nothing and has a plan to move in with other family. Stop borrowing trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you care about stepfather? Let his family deal with it. Not your problem.

OP said they have a good relationship with the stepfather. The fact that you, PP, can't even imagine that someone might actually care about a stepparent (whom OP says they've known for 25 years) is sad. You need an empathy transplant. Your own family might choose not to "deal with it" when YOU need help someday.

As hard as this might be to believe, I actually do care about SFIL. I’ve known them both for almost two decades. Even through he can handle his own care, I think it’s sad that he’s being abandoned by the people closest to him when he needs them the most.

I’m always happy to offer my ILs practical help. Not financial but practical.

She has asked you for nothing and has a plan to move in with other family. Stop borrowing trouble.

Are you squatting at your adult offspring’s house, too, PP?

I can’t avoid “borrowing trouble”. I actually care about my spouse. And if that word bothers you? Well, that’s a personal problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you care about stepfather? Let his family deal with it. Not your problem.

OP said they have a good relationship with the stepfather. The fact that you, PP, can't even imagine that someone might actually care about a stepparent (whom OP says they've known for 25 years) is sad. You need an empathy transplant. Your own family might choose not to "deal with it" when YOU need help someday.

As hard as this might be to believe, I actually do care about SFIL. I’ve known them both for almost two decades. Even through he can handle his own care, I think it’s sad that he’s being abandoned by the people closest to him when he needs them the most.

I’m always happy to offer my ILs practical help. Not financial but practical.

She has asked you for nothing and has a plan to move in with other family. Stop borrowing trouble.

Are you squatting at your adult offspring’s house, too, PP?

I can’t avoid “borrowing trouble”. I actually care about my spouse. And if that word bothers you? Well, that’s a personal problem.

You seem to care for everyone but MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL does have young children and relies on his in laws for daycare. We have never relied on them for daycare or financial support. As a result there is always a lot we don’t know.

You've never given MIL money.
You've never relied on her for anything.
You don't know a lot about her life.

Why do you care?

Because it’s my husband’s mother and he cares about her, so I care, too. Just not so much that I’m willing to cover her expenses.

Nothing at all about your OP or subsequent posts indicates that you are at all coming from a place of caring about your MIL.

Are you feeling personally attacked, PP? Why?

No, I am not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you care about stepfather? Let his family deal with it. Not your problem.

OP said they have a good relationship with the stepfather. The fact that you, PP, can't even imagine that someone might actually care about a stepparent (whom OP says they've known for 25 years) is sad. You need an empathy transplant. Your own family might choose not to "deal with it" when YOU need help someday.

As hard as this might be to believe, I actually do care about SFIL. I’ve known them both for almost two decades. Even through he can handle his own care, I think it’s sad that he’s being abandoned by the people closest to him when he needs them the most.

I’m always happy to offer my ILs practical help. Not financial but practical.

She has asked you for nothing and has a plan to move in with other family. Stop borrowing trouble.

Are you squatting at your adult offspring’s house, too, PP?

I can’t avoid “borrowing trouble”. I actually care about my spouse. And if that word bothers you? Well, that’s a personal problem.

You seem to care for everyone but MIL.

What you don’t realize is that if it wasn’t for me, DH’s mother wouldn’t have heard from DH at all on Mother’s Day or any other day.

I am learning that I need to distance myself from this whole mess. My problem always has been that I care when I shouldn’t. It’s an occupational hazard. I’m working on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you care about stepfather? Let his family deal with it. Not your problem.

OP said they have a good relationship with the stepfather. The fact that you, PP, can't even imagine that someone might actually care about a stepparent (whom OP says they've known for 25 years) is sad. You need an empathy transplant. Your own family might choose not to "deal with it" when YOU need help someday.

As hard as this might be to believe, I actually do care about SFIL. I’ve known them both for almost two decades. Even through he can handle his own care, I think it’s sad that he’s being abandoned by the people closest to him when he needs them the most.

I’m always happy to offer my ILs practical help. Not financial but practical.

She has asked you for nothing and has a plan to move in with other family. Stop borrowing trouble.

Are you squatting at your adult offspring’s house, too, PP?

I can’t avoid “borrowing trouble”. I actually care about my spouse. And if that word bothers you? Well, that’s a personal problem.

You seem to care for everyone but MIL.

What you don’t realize is that if it wasn’t for me, DH’s mother wouldn’t have heard from DH at all on Mother’s Day or any other day.

I am learning that I need to distance myself from this whole mess. My problem always has been that I care when I shouldn’t. It’s an occupational hazard. I’m working on it.

OP, if you are indeed coming from a place of concern for your MIL and others, your original post would have looked something like this:

"My MIL recently told my spouse that she is getting a divorce from FIL. This seems to come out of nowhere and I worry that MIL is not thinking clearly. I'm not sure who will take care of FIL who is elderly and has health issues and I'm not sure that it is in my MIL's best interest either. Should I say something? What can I do to help?"

That is not at all what your post looked like.