MIL announced she is filing for divorce

[Anonymous]

On Mother’s Day. Spouse called to wish her a happy Mother’s Day and she greeted him with this announcement. She and her husband (who is not spouse’s father) have been married for 25 years. The reason she gave is that she wants to move in with spouse’s brother and his family and stepfather wants his own house.

Just venting. Stepfather is 80 years old and has cancer in remission but a lot of mobility issues from his latest round of chemotherapy.

Spouse did express concern for his well being but MIL just said she doesn’t want to be a caregiver yet. She’s 11 years younger than stepfather.

[Anonymous]

Well that sounds rough. Does stepfather have children of his own?

[Anonymous]

The next phone call is to stepfather, to check on him and get his side of the issue. Maybe he's fine with it. Maybe this never actually happened. Maybe she has dementia. Or, likeliest scenario, she's the sort of person who makes dramatic declarations and doesn't follow through. The main thing is not to panic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well that sounds rough. Does stepfather have children of his own?

He does but hasn’t seen them for decades. He reconnected with one of his daughters at his mother’s funeral recently.

We are on good terms with him.

[Anonymous]

I hope your stepfather has insurance for his care. MIL shouldn’t stay if she doesn’t feel up to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well that sounds rough. Does stepfather have children of his own?

He does but hasn’t seen them for decades. He reconnected with one of his daughters at his mother’s funeral recently.

We are on good terms with him.

Well, he's probably a difficult person or has some issues. I'd think there's a lot going on here that you don't know.

Or he's been a crappy caregiver when she needs it, and she doesn't want to sign on for that any longer since he won't.

[Anonymous]

What’s the issue? They are free to divorce. He isn’t your DH’s father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s the issue? They are free to divorce. He isn’t your DH’s father.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'll bet your BIL is happy to hear this.

[Anonymous]

I just want to chime in to say that all the people who make statements on this board about the singletons who will have nobody to care for them in decline and infirmity - take note!

A marriage or other committed relationship is no guarantee you won’t end up alone at end of life. That includes having kids; see all the threads on this forum filled with complaints about elder care obligations, absent siblings, etc. - kids are also no guarantee of TLC at end of life.

Good luck, stepdad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to chime in to say that all the people who make statements on this board about the singletons who will have nobody to care for them in decline and infirmity - take note!

A marriage or other committed relationship is no guarantee you won’t end up alone at end of life. That includes having kids; see all the threads on this forum filled with complaints about elder care obligations, absent siblings, etc. - kids are also no guarantee of TLC at end of life.

Good luck, stepdad.

Seems he made a poor decision to marry OP's MIL.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if some older couples get divorced so they don't lose everything in their estate to Healthcare costs. Maybe they will stay together as a couple. Maybe he will become poverty stricken and a ward of the state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On Mother’s Day. Spouse called to wish her a happy Mother’s Day and she greeted him with this announcement. She and her husband (who is not spouse’s father) have been married for 25 years. The reason she gave is that she wants to move in with spouse’s brother and his family and stepfather wants his own house.

Just venting. Stepfather is 80 years old and has cancer in remission but a lot of mobility issues from his latest round of chemotherapy.

Spouse did express concern for his well being but MIL just said she doesn’t want to be a caregiver yet. She’s 11 years younger than stepfather.

About what? How is this any of your business? You think MIL should be forced to stay married?

[Anonymous]

What do you care about stepfather? Let his family deal with it. Not your problem.

[Anonymous]

Offer to let the father live with you.