DD has to wake up DH on school mornings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

How many hours/week does he work and how many hours/week do you work (outside the home). What are each of your salaries?

There are also other things he could be doing around the house. Does he do the typical "dad" jobs like lawn care and handyman type stuff? Some men do and some men don't and I've noticed the men who do rarely get credit for how many hours that can take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, discuss it with him. I would be furious tbh.

I would also be furious, but my husband routinely outsources responsibility (sure, I’d be happy to walk the dog in the morning. Just wake me up, twice, and remind me. Maybe put it on my calendar too.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

How many hours/week does he work and how many hours/week do you work (outside the home). What are each of your salaries?

OP here. I honestly don't know how many hours he works as he works in the evenings some when I'm not there. I'd guess 50 hours, maybe more during crunch times? I'm probably at 45 hours. He makes about $25K more than me (which isn't much for our HHI).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

This is a way bigger problem than not walking her to the bus. How sad that he can't even eat with you all.

Well, it's because we aren't home with him. DD and I eat during breaks between her activities. That's not really his fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

How many hours/week does he work and how many hours/week do you work (outside the home). What are each of your salaries?

There are also other things he could be doing around the house. Does he do the typical "dad" jobs like lawn care and handyman type stuff? Some men do and some men don't and I've noticed the men who do rarely get credit for how many hours that can take.

Lawn care, yes, and the bulk of our finances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I envision a fat balding middle age white man

Yes, low T.

[Anonymous]

OP- I am with you. Your husband is putting his wants ahead of your kid's needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

This is a way bigger problem than not walking her to the bus. How sad that he can't even eat with you all.

Well, it's because we aren't home with him. DD and I eat during breaks between her activities. That's not really his fault.

For perspective OP, I have 3 kids and we're running around for activities 4 out of 5 nights of the work week and 1-2 of the weekend nights. There's 1 night where 1 kid doesn't eat with all of us (eating is part of the activity, plus she's older) and some weeks we'll split family dinner between two groups. But at least 5 nights a week we do the awkward super early or late dinner to eat together. You've seen the studies on how valuable that is, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

This is a way bigger problem than not walking her to the bus. How sad that he can't even eat with you all.

Well, it's because we aren't home with him. DD and I eat during breaks between her activities. That's not really his fault.

For perspective OP, I have 3 kids and we're running around for activities 4 out of 5 nights of the work week and 1-2 of the weekend nights. There's 1 night where 1 kid doesn't eat with all of us (eating is part of the activity, plus she's older) and some weeks we'll split family dinner between two groups. But at least 5 nights a week we do the awkward super early or late dinner to eat together. You've seen the studies on how valuable that is, right?

OP here, we eat dinner together several nights a week, just not on her busy activity nights. Someone just asked if he cooked and I said no. That's the case whether we eat together or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, discuss it with him. I would be furious tbh.

I would also be furious, but my husband routinely outsources responsibility (sure, I’d be happy to walk the dog in the morning. Just wake me up, twice, and remind me. Maybe put it on my calendar too.).

This describes my husband with outsourcing responsibility (sure, I'd be happy to make dinner but first I am going to sit here staring at my phone until it gets pretty late and will delay the bedtime routine by an hour once I do start cooking. Also could you tell me some options of what to make and get out the ingredients, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

This is a way bigger problem than not walking her to the bus. How sad that he can't even eat with you all.

Well, it's because we aren't home with him. DD and I eat during breaks between her activities. That's not really his fault.

For perspective OP, I have 3 kids and we're running around for activities 4 out of 5 nights of the work week and 1-2 of the weekend nights. There's 1 night where 1 kid doesn't eat with all of us (eating is part of the activity, plus she's older) and some weeks we'll split family dinner between two groups. But at least 5 nights a week we do the awkward super early or late dinner to eat together. You've seen the studies on how valuable that is, right?

OP here, we eat dinner together several nights a week, just not on her busy activity nights. Someone just asked if he cooked and I said no. That's the case whether we eat together or not.

Sorry for being dense and/or maybe you are being cryptic but does he at least help out while you are at an activity? You say he doesn’t cook- are you responsible for making food for you and your daughter when you get back from activities? He just cooks for himself?

Relatedly, how do you feel about that park if you are rushing around with your job/activities, etc? If you are fine with it then okay. If not- have you discussed this part at all? Not your original question but you did bring up resentment as a whole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

This is a way bigger problem than not walking her to the bus. How sad that he can't even eat with you all.

Well, it's because we aren't home with him. DD and I eat during breaks between her activities. That's not really his fault.

For perspective OP, I have 3 kids and we're running around for activities 4 out of 5 nights of the work week and 1-2 of the weekend nights. There's 1 night where 1 kid doesn't eat with all of us (eating is part of the activity, plus she's older) and some weeks we'll split family dinner between two groups. But at least 5 nights a week we do the awkward super early or late dinner to eat together. You've seen the studies on how valuable that is, right?

OP here, we eat dinner together several nights a week, just not on her busy activity nights. Someone just asked if he cooked and I said no. That's the case whether we eat together or not.

Sorry for being dense and/or maybe you are being cryptic but does he at least help out while you are at an activity? You say he doesn’t cook- are you responsible for making food for you and your daughter when you get back from activities? He just cooks for himself?

Relatedly, how do you feel about that park if you are rushing around with your job/activities, etc? If you are fine with it then okay. If not- have you discussed this part at all? Not your original question but you did bring up resentment as a whole.

OP here. I either bring food for DD and I to eat or grab food for us. He gets takeout or fixes himself a sandwich. He does not cook meals for himself or for us. Most nights, we get home later than either DD or I would want to wait to eat dinner, but there are some nights that it would be nice for him to have food waiting for us (even takeout!)

[Anonymous]

This would piss me off because he’s forcing his daughter into a mommy role for himself. And she’s a literal child.

Note, this has nothing to do with whether or not the daughter is responsible enough to be by herself.

Gross.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a college kid. He probably plays video games all day.

[Anonymous]

Loser alert