DD has to wake up DH on school mornings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old should absolutely be capable of hanging by themselves for a half hour. Hell, they should be capable of locking the door and going to the bus stop on time without adult supervision.

This. BUT, if DH is going to take her to the bus stop, he should be responsible for setting an alarm clock and getting up on his own. What time are we talking? Laziness is such a turn off, but I am sure you were aware of his laziness before marrying him.

OP here. They need to be out the door by 7:40am to get to the bus. It's not that she can't or isn't responsible for herself, I just think he's being lazy. He actually wasn't lazy at all when I met him.

So when you raise the issue probably raise it by asking questions. Maybe he's depressed. Maybe there's another issue going on. If he's acting out of character, then telling him that he needs to set an alarm might not help a thing.

[Anonymous]

I would not be okay with this and not to pick on you posting this here, but I wouldn't hesitate or question my own instincts and I would say something to my husband and that conversation would go fine.

The fact that you're not sure you should say something, you're not sure how your husband will react, and that your husband doesn't have enough sense to not do this in the first place is your real issue.

[Anonymous]

I think this isn’t a big deal. It’s fine for a kid that age to hang out alone then wake him up when it’s time to leave. If it really bugs you, ask your DH to set an alarm.

[Anonymous]

What's happening is your child is having to parent themselves and yes, this will shape who she is and her relationship with her father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not be okay with this and not to pick on you posting this here, but I wouldn't hesitate or question my own instincts and I would say something to my husband and that conversation would go fine.

The fact that you're not sure you should say something, you're not sure how your husband will react, and that your husband doesn't have enough sense to not do this in the first place is your real issue.

Op here. It's not that I worry how he will react, just trying to gauge if I'm off base. I get up very early and am a morning person. He very much is not, which is fine, but I just pretty strongly feel a child should not be responsible for their parent. For herself, sure, but not to make sure he gets up in time when she needs him to take her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's DH doing instead of going to bed earlier at night?

This.

Also, snoring, trunk obesity or other signs of apnea warrant a sleep study. Raises risks of heart disease and Alzheimer's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this isn’t a big deal. It’s fine for a kid that age to hang out alone then wake him up when it’s time to leave. If it really bugs you, ask your DH to set an alarm.

He's told me he has one set. Obviously that's not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's happening is your child is having to parent themselves and yes, this will shape who she is and her relationship with her father.

Op here, yes this is my thought process as well. She's also mentioned it stresses her out that she will miss the bus (which has happened).

[Anonymous]

How fat is your DH

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it is a big deal for a 9yo to get herself ready for school etc as needed, and I’d be sympathetic if your DH worked the night shift or something. But in this case he is choosing to stay up until 1am goofing off and then can’t get up…I’d be really mad. It is totally lazy and inconsiderate.

[Anonymous]

You are 100% correct. I would tell him to stop being a baby and get himself up.

[Anonymous]

It’s just a different culture/mentality.

I think most Americans today still think of “family” as a traditional Levittown setup where Dad (or Mom and Dad) wake up, get kids off to school, go do a 9-5, come home and cook dinner, have a drink while the kids to homework, go to bed. More or less. But the parents are the responsible ones, managing the schedule, have the obligations.

That’s not really an accurate picture for many. Lots of kids have more responsibilities or independence. Lots of parents are not fully functional. With WFH, Dad’s not getting up early to “fight traffic and bust his hump all day”. He’s playing Call of Duty with the boys until midnight and sleeping in. That’s not great IMO, but I’ll bet he’s also kinder and gentler and more of a “friend” to his kid than the more distant corporate cog archetype of American fatherhood. So, good with the bad.

If you think it’s important to tend to her more closely in the AM and demonstrate (as a kind of value/ethic) that adults should get up early and handle their obligations, tell him to get his act together.

[Anonymous]

Why on Earth is she watching TV in the mornings?! Yes, DH needs to get up, but you need to get TV out of the morning routine. If she has extra time, she can read, draw, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are 100% correct. I would tell him to stop being a baby and get himself up.

Agreed!

[Anonymous]

I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.