DD has to wake up DH on school mornings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH handles the morning with the kids. I sleep later. DD has to be at elementary school by 7:10. She always gets herself completely ready and then comes in 5 min prior (dh is usually up and brushing his teeth/getting dressed). He takes the other kid to school after.

I see nothing wrong with it, dh sees nothing wrong with me sleeping later too. I handle the kids all afternoon and do a lot more chores because I WFH.

We're very involved parents, but not at the crack of dawn.

Oh my kids also let us sleep in until the super late hour of 9am on the weekends too (sometimes we are up at 8). They LOVE their morning with the TV. They rarely get TV so it's a big treat and they know as soon as we wake, it goes away. Is that bad parenting too? I think it's teaching responsibility.

While all this information about you is interesting, this is not the OP's situation. The OP has a 9 year old who has a long walk to a bus stop with no sidewalks and a dad who is the only parent home to walk with her and he's not waking up to take her to the bus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I don't know.

My DH now leaves the house early for work and he gets the kids' lunches ready. He leaves at 7AM. I will wake up later - 745A - and my kids tell me by before they walk to school (9th, 7th walk 2 blocks to their secondary school). I walk the youngest at 8:10 to her ES 4-5 min away, though she could go herself. My kids are 15, 12, and 10.

I spent the last 15 years doing the early shift with the kids, prepping lunches, driving to/from daycare and PreK, and being the on call parent for after school/sports/everything because I work at home.

Finally, my DH is doing the mornings and I feel 100% in the right to sleep in because I work late into the evenings, and frankly did lunch boxes for a decade.

OP, did he do the shift previously? Is it time to trade off? Sometimes I think that is warranted.

This is not an issue of one parent is awake and on duty while the other sleeps in. Read the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, I don't know.

My DH now leaves the house early for work and he gets the kids' lunches ready. He leaves at 7AM. I will wake up later - 745A - and my kids tell me by before they walk to school (9th, 7th walk 2 blocks to their secondary school). I walk the youngest at 8:10 to her ES 4-5 min away, though she could go herself. My kids are 15, 12, and 10.

I spent the last 15 years doing the early shift with the kids, prepping lunches, driving to/from daycare and PreK, and being the on call parent for after school/sports/everything because I work at home.

Finally, my DH is doing the mornings and I feel 100% in the right to sleep in because I work late into the evenings, and frankly did lunch boxes for a decade.

OP, did he do the shift previously? Is it time to trade off? Sometimes I think that is warranted.

OP here. He has never helped out in the morning. However, pre-covid, he at least got up and going in the morning with us because he had to go into the office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's DH doing instead of going to bed earlier at night?

Watching TV, reading, etc. Nothing crazy, but he's not coming to bed till like 1am.

Is drinking part of the 'etc'

[Anonymous]

He might be depressed. Tracks with staying up until 1am on screens.

Since you just found out about if from your daughter, it’s totally normally for you to say what’s up? Not like you’ve known about it for a long time and we’re waiting to confront him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's DH doing instead of going to bed earlier at night?

Watching TV, reading, etc. Nothing crazy, but he's not coming to bed till like 1am.

Is drinking part of the 'etc'

No, he is very strict about only drinking on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's DH doing instead of going to bed earlier at night?

Watching TV, reading, etc. Nothing crazy, but he's not coming to bed till like 1am.

Is drinking part of the 'etc'

+1. Worth figuring out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t fe strongly either way. I don’t think it’s as appalling as you do but I’d probably be slightly annoyed.

+1, once you stay at home, things are a bit relaxed feeling.

I've overslept and half of the school seems to roll up after the bell rings. It's just different when you are not in work mode all of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

Unless your DH is an extremely high earner and you can cut back on you hours/hire help to compensate you need to drop the rope and demand he pull his weight.

Either you get up early and go straight to work and he fully handles the morning shift or you continue to cover the morning routine and he starts going in earlier so that he can cover the afternoon activities .

Why are you being such a doormat and letting him take advantage of you, not to mention teaching your daughter that it’s okay for the men in her life to be lazy and take advantage of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

[Anonymous]

I envision a fat balding middle age white man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

How many hours/week does he work and how many hours/week do you work (outside the home). What are each of your salaries?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

This is a way bigger problem than not walking her to the bus. How sad that he can't even eat with you all.