DD has to wake up DH on school mornings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be okay with this and not to pick on you posting this here, but I wouldn't hesitate or question my own instincts and I would say something to my husband and that conversation would go fine.

The fact that you're not sure you should say something, you're not sure how your husband will react, and that your husband doesn't have enough sense to not do this in the first place is your real issue.

Op here. It's not that I worry how he will react, just trying to gauge if I'm off base. I get up very early and am a morning person. He very much is not, which is fine, but I just pretty strongly feel a child should not be responsible for their parent. For herself, sure, but not to make sure he gets up in time when she needs him to take her.

OP, it's not off base if it's something that's important to you and your values and how want to raise your kid. Trust your instincts. And by the way, I agree with you. He should get his ass out of bed and act like an adult.

I'm also not a morning person. Who cares. I am an adult with responsibilities. So I get up and I take care of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Eh, "fixing" breakfast might mean taking cereal and a bowl down from a high shelf and cutting up strawberries for the kid and OP. It doesn't necessarily mean eggs, bacon, ham, pancakes and fresh-squeezed OJ by hand.

[Anonymous]

That would make me sad. I’m sorry, OP.

Similar situation here, my husband and I alternate who wakes up with our young kids on weekends. Kids are up around 730, and each of us picks one weekend morning to sleep in alone until 830-9. Well I’ve recently realized that on my husbands mornings, he puts on cartoons and passes out on the couch. I found this out because my 3 year old started coming into my room around 8 asking for breakfast and I’d find my husband asleep on the couch and the TV on. I was so disappointed and angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old should absolutely be capable of hanging by themselves for a half hour. Hell, they should be capable of locking the door and going to the bus stop on time without adult supervision.

This. BUT, if DH is going to take her to the bus stop, he should be responsible for setting an alarm clock and getting up on his own. What time are we talking? Laziness is such a turn off, but I am sure you were aware of his laziness before marrying him.

Needing enough sleep is not laziness. Why are we so freaking Puritanical about sleep?

What the dude needs to do is go to bed earlier. But going to sleep at 1 and still being asleep at this hour of the AM is not lazy. And a 9 year old should be fine in a house for 30 mins while her dad is sleeping. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old should absolutely be capable of hanging by themselves for a half hour. Hell, they should be capable of locking the door and going to the bus stop on time without adult supervision.

This. BUT, if DH is going to take her to the bus stop, he should be responsible for setting an alarm clock and getting up on his own. What time are we talking? Laziness is such a turn off, but I am sure you were aware of his laziness before marrying him.

Needing enough sleep is not laziness. Why are we so freaking Puritanical about sleep?

What the dude needs to do is go to bed earlier. But going to sleep at 1 and still being asleep at this hour of the AM is not lazy. And a 9 year old should be fine in a house for 30 mins while her dad is sleeping. Sheesh.

I agree lazy is not the right word. Your husband is selfish and clueless OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old should absolutely be capable of hanging by themselves for a half hour. Hell, they should be capable of locking the door and going to the bus stop on time without adult supervision.

This. BUT, if DH is going to take her to the bus stop, he should be responsible for setting an alarm clock and getting up on his own. What time are we talking? Laziness is such a turn off, but I am sure you were aware of his laziness before marrying him.

OP here. They need to be out the door by 7:40am to get to the bus. It's not that she can't or isn't responsible for herself, I just think he's being lazy. He actually wasn't lazy at all when I met him.

Your judgmental and superior tone is toxic for your family. He is not LAZY to still be sleeping at 7:30 when he went to bed at 1. He's sleep deprived and needs to go to bed earlier. Honestly, though...is he staying up later just to get an hour or two by himself? Because you saying you're "appalled" by your kid chilling for a half hour every morning while her dad sleeps suggests that you are WAY overboard about other things that you feel you are doing better than your spouse.

Seriously. The one thing I think is a legitimate gripe here is, maybe, that he should be setting his own da** alarm so she doesn't feel responsible for an adult. But all the shock and judgment you wrap around this minor concern suggests that you are really judgmental and feel superior in general.

[Anonymous]

I get where you are coming from and would be mildly annoyed with DH, but also think this falls into the category of "people parent differently and that's okay". The kid is safe so it's not something to get too wound up about.

If it bugs you, I would totally say something to DH though. "Hey, Larla mentioned to me this morning when I was able to take her to the bus that she's kind of sad that you sleep in and she has to wake you up and doesn't have company in the morning. Maybe you could go to bed a little earlier so you can wake up when I leave to spend that time with her?"

If he bites, great. If not, know that she'll be okay and letting go of resentment is probably ultimately greater in the long run.

We kind of have this dynamic but opposite and with an older kid who needs to get herself up for a 4:30am swim carpool. DH always gets up with her. If he's away, I don't get up, under the belief that a high schooler should be able to manage this on their own (she can) and I because really need the sleep. I think DH is being unnecessarily accommodating and I get a little annoyed when he's exhausted later! DH probably thinks I'm being a little selfish not getting up. We both realize though that we don't need to agree on everything and both let it slide.

(I'd totally get up with a 9 year old though! especially a 7am!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not be okay with this and not to pick on you posting this here, but I wouldn't hesitate or question my own instincts and I would say something to my husband and that conversation would go fine.

The fact that you're not sure you should say something, you're not sure how your husband will react, and that your husband doesn't have enough sense to not do this in the first place is your real issue.

Op here. It's not that I worry how he will react, just trying to gauge if I'm off base. I get up very early and am a morning person. He very much is not, which is fine, but I just pretty strongly feel a child should not be responsible for their parent. For herself, sure, but not to make sure he gets up in time when she needs him to take her.

OP, it's not off base if it's something that's important to you and your values and how want to raise your kid. Trust your instincts. And by the way, I agree with you. He should get his ass out of bed and act like an adult.

I'm also not a morning person. Who cares. I am an adult with responsibilities. So I get up and I take care of them.

This! I am most definitely not a morning person. Nor is DH. I work from home full time and DH does 50%. Our middle schooler gets up at 6 to leave at 6:30. At least one of us get up with him every morning. He does not need our help and walks to the bus alone but DH and I think it would suck to be up alone at that hour as a 13 year old so we get up.

[Anonymous]

This is about a mismatch in values. I had some of this with my DH about parenting at times. He had different standards than I did about how we would show up for our kids (along the lines of how much time we would spend with them and what we would show up for) and I wasn't going to change my standards. His low standards and the fact that he thought they were ok made me think less of him. It sucks.

In my experience, when you keep bickering about the symptom of the issue (him not getting up or otherwise half assing being a parent), you end up going round and round on the issue and fighting about the same stupid crap over and over again and you get nowhere. My suggestion is dig a bit deeper with him.

[Anonymous]

What a pig

[Anonymous]

DH handles the morning with the kids. I sleep later. DD has to be at elementary school by 7:10. She always gets herself completely ready and then comes in 5 min prior (dh is usually up and brushing his teeth/getting dressed). He takes the other kid to school after.

I see nothing wrong with it, dh sees nothing wrong with me sleeping later too. I handle the kids all afternoon and do a lot more chores because I WFH.

We're very involved parents, but not at the crack of dawn.

Oh my kids also let us sleep in until the super late hour of 9am on the weekends too (sometimes we are up at 8). They LOVE their morning with the TV. They rarely get TV so it's a big treat and they know as soon as we wake, it goes away. Is that bad parenting too? I think it's teaching responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to leave for the office 30-45 minutes before DD's bus comes. I wake her up in the morning to spend time with her, make her breakfast, help her with her hair, etc (she's almost 9). DH WFH and takes her to the bus. When I leave, he's still asleep. Today I was able to take her to the bus due to a later meeting and she mentioned how she liked that vs. her hanging out by herself after I leave and how she has to wake DH for him to get her to the bus on time. I generally let him know when I'm leaving and was under the impression that he was getting up after I left. Apparently not, and DD is waking him up 5 minutes before they need to leave.

I'm appalled that a child is responsible for waking up her parent, particularly as she's an only child and she's hanging out by herself. When I leave, she's generally watching TV while eating her breakfast. Am I out of line bringing this up to DH?

You can, but my kids wake me up every morning and it’s fine! Not sure why a nine year old needs someone to walk her to the bus stop!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old should absolutely be capable of hanging by themselves for a half hour. Hell, they should be capable of locking the door and going to the bus stop on time without adult supervision.

This. BUT, if DH is going to take her to the bus stop, he should be responsible for setting an alarm clock and getting up on his own. What time are we talking? Laziness is such a turn off, but I am sure you were aware of his laziness before marrying him.

Needing enough sleep is not laziness. Why are we so freaking Puritanical about sleep?

What the dude needs to do is go to bed earlier. But going to sleep at 1 and still being asleep at this hour of the AM is not lazy. And a 9 year old should be fine in a house for 30 mins while her dad is sleeping. Sheesh.

PP here, and I agree. I was picturing later and my elementary aged kid leaves a whole hour later. And even if it were 8:40, yea, not lazy if he is up until 1am. Just selfish. Go to bed earlier so you can be a proper parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A nine year old should absolutely be capable of hanging by themselves for a half hour. Hell, they should be capable of locking the door and going to the bus stop on time without adult supervision.

OP here. She's totally fine to be by herself, I don't have safety concerns about it or anything. I think it's too far for her to walk on her own by herself. The bus stop isn't super close to our house and our neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks.

My issue is more that she's being responsible for her parent to wake him up on time. He should set an alarm is my point.

It's not like he's an overnight shift worker ... he works a typical 8-5 job and should be able to get himself up on time by 7:40am IMO.

Agreed.

[Anonymous]

Eh, I don't know.

My DH now leaves the house early for work and he gets the kids' lunches ready. He leaves at 7AM. I will wake up later - 745A - and my kids tell me by before they walk to school (9th, 7th walk 2 blocks to their secondary school). I walk the youngest at 8:10 to her ES 4-5 min away, though she could go herself. My kids are 15, 12, and 10.

I spent the last 15 years doing the early shift with the kids, prepping lunches, driving to/from daycare and PreK, and being the on call parent for after school/sports/everything because I work at home.

Finally, my DH is doing the mornings and I feel 100% in the right to sleep in because I work late into the evenings, and frankly did lunch boxes for a decade.

OP, did he do the shift previously? Is it time to trade off? Sometimes I think that is warranted.