DD has to wake up DH on school mornings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it is a big deal for a 9yo to get herself ready for school etc as needed, and I’d be sympathetic if your DH worked the night shift or something. But in this case he is choosing to stay up until 1am goofing off and then can’t get up…I’d be really mad. It is totally lazy and inconsiderate.

Does he have some kind of gaming addiction or is he watching pOrn OP?

[Anonymous]

Do you ever have sex or are you kind of doing separate shifts/roommate thing?

Going to bed at wildly different times and sleeping in is some nonsense behavior for a man with a connection to his wife and child.

Does he have untreated ADD, OP? Did his mom coddle and indulge him now you and DD are mommy 2.0 and 3.0?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

This is a way bigger problem than not walking her to the bus. How sad that he can't even eat with you all.

I think you need family therapy, OP. Not couples, this impacts your child too and the dynamics are all messed up.

Eating on his own and going to bed hours after his wife? Is he obese? What does he eat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

This is a way bigger problem than not walking her to the bus. How sad that he can't even eat with you all.

OP, you buried the lede.

My guess is DH is obese, has apnea, has untreated ADD and a screen addiction and low T. You likely have no sex life.

[Anonymous]

How many times a week do all 3 of you eat together?

How often do you have sex?

Maybe it's time for him to transition back to the office some days? Being alone and so much time on screens is not a great fit for a lot of people. Do you go out as a couple? Does he see friends? Sounds like some combo of ADD, screen addiction and depression. Does he work out? Have any goals?

[Anonymous]

If he is meeting his responsibilities -- of going to work, he's meeting his responsibilities. She's nine. He does not have any responsibility for the morning routine of a 9 year old.

Your style OP of being with her, is your style. That's all.

Our MS/HS kids left the house for school before either of us were awake. I'm pretty proud. They never got a tardy. They caught the bus and later drove themselves. Always up and out themselves. In our case DH was required to be at work till early eve every day, with a later morning start time. I suppose I could have gotten up with them ... but guess what, I wanted that extra time w/DH and to be more in sync with him.

I haven't read the whole thread Op, but likely, lighten-up on your DH.

[Anonymous]

I would also be appalled.

Is he staying up late at night? Can he not sleep (stress, sleep apnea)? Is he drinking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can’t she get herself to the bus stop? I don’t thing it’s an issue that he sleeps until it’s time to leave. I have mixed feeling on a nine year old waking a parent to ask for a ride but ultimately wouldn’t make an issue of it.

Our school requires children below 4th grade to have a parent or older sibling with them at drop off or pick up. At age 9 at this point in the school year, I'd guess OP's daughter is in 3rd grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's DH doing instead of going to bed earlier at night?

Watching TV, reading, etc. Nothing crazy, but he's not coming to bed till like 1am.

Going to bed at 1 am when you start work at 8 am and you're (presumably) in your 40s isn't normal. He should be an adult and go to bed earlier so he can be awake in the morning.

To me, the issue isn't whether or not your daughter needs supervision, it's that your husband is being disgustingly lazy and that's not something I would tolerate nor want my kid to see.

[Anonymous]

Your DH sounds lazy. He isn’t awake by 7:40? Why? Doesn’t he have a job?

[Anonymous]

Op here. To answer some questions… he’s not obese, works out at least 5x a week (he’s a runner), doesn’t have sleep apnea or ADD (at least that I know of, nothing would make me think that). He doesn’t game. He doesn’t drink much and only on the weekends.

He’s always been a night owl, but I guess I thought in his mid 40s he’d be past that. I don’t really care if he stays up late so long as he isn’t forcing our daughter to be his personal alarm clock. She can be responsible for herself in the morning, but I don’t think it’s fair to her to have to be responsible for her dad. And it’s not like he has to be up super early. I’m up 2.5 hours before him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

This is a way bigger problem than not walking her to the bus. How sad that he can't even eat with you all.

Well, it's because we aren't home with him. DD and I eat during breaks between her activities. That's not really his fault.

Do you otherwise all eat together, talk during dinner, etc. when she does not have activities?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. To answer some questions… he’s not obese, works out at least 5x a week (he’s a runner), doesn’t have sleep apnea or ADD (at least that I know of, nothing would make me think that). He doesn’t game. He doesn’t drink much and only on the weekends.

He’s always been a night owl, but I guess I thought in his mid 40s he’d be past that. I don’t really care if he stays up late so long as he isn’t forcing our daughter to be his personal alarm clock. She can be responsible for herself in the morning, but I don’t think it’s fair to her to have to be responsible for her dad. And it’s not like he has to be up super early. I’m up 2.5 hours before him.

If he was up earlier you could all have family and couple times in the evenings rather than him working late.

Do you have date nights? Sex? Socialize with other families and couples?

Was it better when he went to the office?

[Anonymous]

I make my husband get out of bed in the morning so this doesn't happen. Like I bug him, and bug him, and bug him until he gets out of bed. Otherwise he just fake wakes up and goes back to sleep. My kids are 6 and 8, although they are capable of getting themselves to the bus stop, I do not want them to go alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be annoyed that I am the one fixing breakfast etc before my commute while DH sleeps in on a weekday for no good reason (watching tv in to the early AM hours is not a good reason- obviously). Given you leave earlier and he works from home, DH should be the one responsible for waking up and helping DD get ready for school.

Op here, yeah there's some of that resentment happening as well. I don't necessarily WANT to get up as early as I do. The main reason I get into the office so early is so I can leave early to shuttle her around to her activities after school (he does not help with this unless I have a conflict, which is rare because I make it work as much as possible).

If he wfh why isn’t he helping with activities? Is he at least cooking dinner? Is the time late at night the only time he has to himself because he’s busy all evening cooking and or footing chores?

OP here. He gets her off the bus 2 days, I do the other 3 days (those are the days I take DD to activities, sometimes it's more). No he doesn't cook dinner. He's usually working while we are out and about and he eats on his own and DD and I eat together between activities.

This is a way bigger problem than not walking her to the bus. How sad that he can't even eat with you all.

OP, you buried the lede.

My guess is DH is obese, has apnea, has untreated ADD and a screen addiction and low T. You likely have no sex life.

😂