Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's jealous because she didn't get that with her family when you were little. It's coming out as criticism because she feels jealous and your childhood is looking worse in comparison.

This!

[Anonymous]

I think there is a lack of awareness on her part. It was not her world. She does not understand your world. It is her issue not yours. I agree I would deflect and say it is what it is.

You are not spoiling the kids by any stretch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would distance myself from such a mother and not share as much information. Her loss.

Separately, I would take a good look at my finances and consider whether I'm investing enough for the future. My kid's college was 85K last year, and prices are only going up (on average over the past decades, faster than inflation).

Jeez, what college is this?

We spend less than 3% of our HHI on vacations and, I do that reluctantly. Mostly because I have emotional issues tied to money from growing up poor, but I've realized my kids deserve experiences, especially if I can afford them.

Different poster but most private liberal arts colleges are in the $80k ish range. We just finished paying for one but we’re very high income. There’s no reason your kid HAS to go to a private LAC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just got back from a Spring Break trip. It was truly not anything elaborate...we drove seven hours away to Pigeon Forge/Gatlinburg. I spoke to my mother for Easter and she went on a tangent about spoiling the kids (7 and 9), most people don't get to go on vacations each year (which may be true), making sure they're not entitled, I have too much money, etc.

For context, I grew up really poor and NEVER went on vacations or trips as a child. Not once...not even a day trip to the beaches that were only about 3 hours away. Now, I'm doing fairly well financially but I still try to be responsible. We've only done fairly ordinary vacations: Disney once, Delaware regularly, took them out of the country to an all-inclusive in Mexico last year so her comments have really started bothering me (and didn't travel at all during the height of the pandemic).

I am thankful we're able to provide things I didn't have and I understand her limited perspective (as far as how often vacations should occur), but I'm struggling with a response (if it's worth responding at all). We're actually taking the kids to Europe in a few months and I don't even want to let her know because I know it's going to result in disbelief and more of these types of comments. But it's also not the type of thing that could stay a secret for long.

Any advice? She and I have a strained relationship that's gotten better lately, but this is really bothering me and I think news of the Europe trip is going to strike a nerve.

I would ignore.

If anything just say, You have a fixed number of spring and winter breaks with your school aged kids before they get busy with their activities. Your family has its own traditions and choices how to spend its money.

She is wrong to have a Her Way or the Highway approach to anything anyone does.

My MIL says the came about weekly kids soccer, decorating the house for holidays, taking beach trips. "Why do you even do that?" BS questions. I just smile and nod. If I ever really get sick of her petty comments I expect to say: Give my children more life experiences. You are your life experiences you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't mention the Europe trip to her. If she finds out about it and brings it up, you can tell her that she seems upset about your family's travel so you didn't share.

If she continues to harangue, tell her that your family's spending choices are not up for discussion.

this.

We have one grandmother who hates us even buying things on sale. She says, Oh I can make that. Yeah, so what.

She stopped commenting on our posted Tinybean.com photos. She just can't relate. The only time she comments is if someone's eating a dessert and then she says she wants some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a lack of awareness on her part. It was not her world. She does not understand your world. It is her issue not yours. I agree I would deflect and say it is what it is.

You are not spoiling the kids by any stretch.

It’s not lack of awareness, it’s lack of acceptance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's jealous because she didn't get that with her family when you were little. It's coming out as criticism because she feels jealous and your childhood is looking worse in comparison.

This!

I thought this also. It's her being self conscious. She could t offer you the childhood you offer your children ans she reacts by bring critical.

[Anonymous]

People have their pet peeves. Just don’t mention vacations to her.

[Anonymous]

I would be really matter-of-fact and non-emotional.

Her - You're spoiling the kids; these vacations are ridiculous.

you - I know it seems unusual, but we're looking forward to it. What are you making for dinner tonight? We're having a roast.