Mother criticizes me for taking family on vacation. How would you respond

[Anonymous]

Your mother is feeling defensive because she wasn't able to give you vacations in your childhood. I would not share with her and when she finds out things (like Europe) after the fact just tell her that she seems to get hostile and judgmental about trips your family takes so you purposely didn't share.

I would tell her that you think it's important that children grow up knowing that the world is bigger than their own town.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a lot of posters on here “I suffered and so shout my children, lest they get entitled.” I think that kind of thinking is sick. I am so glad my child can live better than I did. Life will still hit them hard enough and there is no need for me to manufacture hardship. Enjoy your vacations and don’t share everything with your mom.

[Anonymous]

I would say insecurity on how she raised you. My mom is the opposite. She praises how we take our kids on vacations because we never got to take them so I think it’s on how she is approaching life and how she views it. Don’t react she probably will never ever change. All parents have quirks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL that a trip to Pigeon Forge could be considered spoiling someone.

I don’t know about that. We had a lovely trip to that general area this spring break and definitely dropped some cash at Dollywood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOL that a trip to Pigeon Forge could be considered spoiling someone.

I don’t know about that. We had a lovely trip to that general area this spring break and definitely dropped some cash at Dollywood.

Agree. And Smokey Mountains are beautiful. That area gets something like 15m+ tourists a year and growing.

[Anonymous]

My response would be: Mom, I hear you and appreciate your concerns, but I think about these things differently than you do. And then I would change the subject. I would repeat as needed for the next few times it comes up.

If she won't move on after that then it would be: They are my kids, not yours, and I am raising them how I want to raise them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's jealous because she didn't get that with her family when you were little. It's coming out as criticism because she feels jealous and your childhood is looking worse in comparison.

+1 she's insecure that she couldn't provide this for your childhood. Most parents would be happy the next generation is doing better and many would credit their own parenting.

There's nothing you can do OP except minimize info sharing and try to ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL that a trip to Pigeon Forge could be considered spoiling someone.

Same! I say this as someone who has Smokey Mtns on my travel list. But it's a little funny that this is "spoiling" in the grand scheme of things!

[Anonymous]

She hates seeing anyone happy and has to ruin everything. Narc.

[Anonymous]

“Mom, like you and Dad, Larlo and I do what we think is best for our kids.

I know we are fortunate to have enough money for vacations. I wish you could be happy that we are not struggling. “

[Anonymous]

Passive aggressively make fun of her. “You know it’s not the 1970s, mom? The world has changed from 50 years ago. It is common for subsequent generations to have more disposable income and travel more.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't feel bad. You're not even coming close to "spoiling" them with a trip to Pigeon Forge. *eye roll*

Travel is a wonderful way to open a child's eyes to the rest of the world. I know people who have never left their state, and I find that so depressing. My kids are 12, and I've prioritized travel in our budget for their growth and my own mental health

They've been to:
Hawaii - Maui and Oahu
Acadia NP in Maine
NYC
Salem, Mass to learn about more about witches after watching Wednesday
Hershey Park in PA
Disney World
Paris, Brussels, Amsterdam, and London in one trip
Mexico, San Diego, Disney Land, and Santa Monica in one trip



Myrtle Beach
Charleston
Savannah/Tybee Island
Jekyll Island
Multiple parts of Florida
Lots of quick beach trips to the NC or SC coast
A long camping trip out west to visit, Arizona, NV, CO and Utah. We did a bunch of national parks
Houston, TX to visit family

And I have so much more planned for them. I'm hoping to make them world travelers in their own right and future travel buddies when they become adults too.

I would rather go to pigeon forge than your list.

I went to Pigeon Forge too, but I didn't take the kids, so I didn't put it on the list

[Anonymous]

That's why I don't bring up our vacations or any outings to my mother. She is extremely jealous. She tried inviting herself a few times, which was a disaster.

[Anonymous]

OP do you want to take your kids on vacation, or have no vacations like your upbringing? It's an easy choice, right?

You are allowed to parent differently. Only share what you have to share with her otherwise you know you will only get criticism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would distance myself from such a mother and not share as much information. Her loss.

Separately, I would take a good look at my finances and consider whether I'm investing enough for the future. My kid's college was 85K last year, and prices are only going up (on average over the past decades, faster than inflation).

Traveling and vacations are one of the best investments you can make in yourselves and your family. The ROI is far higher than being ripped off by ann college.

In Europe even the poorest families take vacations. It is certainly affordable in the richest country in the world.

Pp you replied to. I'm European, and in continental Europe, universities are free or very low cost. Healthcare is very affordable. Medications cost next to nothing.

But there's a reason why I live here in Bethesda, and choose to pay insane prices for college, healthcare and meds. There are more job opportunities and salaries are considerably higher in the US! The poorest people in Europe go on camping vacations to the middle of nowhere. I don't want that!

My advice still stands, because I want to remind OP that sometimes we want to shoot the nasty messenger when the message is actually valid. Maybe OP's finances are in great shape! But it doesn't hurt to talk about it.