How on earth do I date as a widow?

[Anonymous]

Hey OP. Sorry for your loss.

I think it is TOTALLY FINE if you want to date.

But I also wanted to weigh in and let you know that the dating scene in your forties is FAR better than you might expect.

I actually found it BETTER than in my mid to late thirties.

Right now a lot of men your age are married or engaged.

Once you hit early to mid forties, men your age will start getting divorced and hit the dating market. And then your kids will be older and can stay home alone when you go on dates.

Society makes women feel like once we hit forty our dating lives become nonexistent. THis is just SO not true, at least in the age of online dating.

So...don't despair that you are getting "old" and need to find someone asap. You will still be able to date in your forties once your kids are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fellow widow here chiming in with my own experience. I was widowed in my 30s with young children. They unsurprisingly were my main focus for a few years and I also had to restart my work-life and figure out the whole only-parent dynamic. While I have great friends and a supportive extended family, I knew I wanted...something.

I did get to a point where I met a great guy through friends. He was going through a divorce and we moved very slowly at first. I was deeply in love with my husband and grieved a great deal. But we got a good vibe going and always put our kids' needs ahead of our own - he has two older sons who have mostly lived with him post-divorce. We have no plans to ever cohabitate and I'm not sure I ever will remarry. It's not off the table but I have come to cherish my independence and look forward to my nest emptying over the next few years.

I wish you well, OP. Everyone's situation and outlook is so different. I know other widows who swore they wanted to recouple ASAP and never have; along with those planned to be solo forever and then met someone new. You just never know. The only advice I'd give is to go slow and trust your instincts. Best of luck.

Thanks, PP. OP here. A lot of, um, assumptions to wade through in some of the other comments on this thread, but these are generous insights. I appreciate it. (By the way, I’ve been widowed a couple of years and, yes, it’s after the years of getting things straight with the kids and adjusting to the new normal that I’ve gotten to this point of wanting some kind of companionship again.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP. Sorry for your loss.

I think it is TOTALLY FINE if you want to date.

But I also wanted to weigh in and let you know that the dating scene in your forties is FAR better than you might expect.

I actually found it BETTER than in my mid to late thirties.

This was my mom’s experience in her 60s, too. Plenty of fine suitors.

[Anonymous]

Widow here, I didn’t really have an interest in serious dating and having an LTR until I became an empty nester in my late 40’s when I had all the time in the world. Before that I did have two FWB simply to have some male companionship. They were both divorced and younger and a lot of fun but not LTR material which was a good thing. I’ve been remarried for two years now to a widower with an empty nest and it’s worked out as best as I could hope for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, they just feel a little awkward about this rare situation of a young widow. Give them a bit of time to get used to it.

You're actually way more appealing than a divorced woman: a divorce means two people didn't get along. You got along with your husband, ergo, you can make it work with someone else. Also, you're young, and can attract men who might want kids as well as those who don't. Essentially, you have a lot of choices!

Agree. Divorced women tend to channel their ex-anger towards any new guy they meet. Guys hate that. But a widow probably actually likes & misses men. Completely different dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, they just feel a little awkward about this rare situation of a young widow. Give them a bit of time to get used to it.

You're actually way more appealing than a divorced woman: a divorce means two people didn't get along. You got along with your husband, ergo, you can make it work with someone else. Also, you're young, and can attract men who might want kids as well as those who don't. Essentially, you have a lot of choices!

Agree. Divorced women tend to channel their ex-anger towards any new guy they meet. Guys hate that. But a widow probably actually likes & misses men. Completely different dynamic.

Again, you are ignoring THE CHILDREN. Children of divorce, though sad their parents aren’t together, are usually happy that their parents aren’t bickering anymore. Children who lost a parent have a much tougher time moving on and with their remaining parent dating, especially if they are young.

It’s not all about you, random dude who wants to date widowed mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, they just feel a little awkward about this rare situation of a young widow. Give them a bit of time to get used to it.

You're actually way more appealing than a divorced woman: a divorce means two people didn't get along. You got along with your husband, ergo, you can make it work with someone else. Also, you're young, and can attract men who might want kids as well as those who don't. Essentially, you have a lot of choices!

Agree. Divorced women tend to channel their ex-anger towards any new guy they meet. Guys hate that. But a widow probably actually likes & misses men. Completely different dynamic.

Again, you are ignoring THE CHILDREN. Children of divorce, though sad their parents aren’t together, are usually happy that their parents aren’t bickering anymore. Children who lost a parent have a much tougher time moving on and with their remaining parent dating, especially if they are young.

It’s not all about you, random dude who wants to date widowed mom.

Thanks, bitter biyach I’ve tried to avoid my entire life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, they just feel a little awkward about this rare situation of a young widow. Give them a bit of time to get used to it.

You're actually way more appealing than a divorced woman: a divorce means two people didn't get along. You got along with your husband, ergo, you can make it work with someone else. Also, you're young, and can attract men who might want kids as well as those who don't. Essentially, you have a lot of choices!

Agree. Divorced women tend to channel their ex-anger towards any new guy they meet. Guys hate that. But a widow probably actually likes & misses men. Completely different dynamic.

Again, you are ignoring THE CHILDREN. Children of divorce, though sad their parents aren’t together, are usually happy that their parents aren’t bickering anymore. Children who lost a parent have a much tougher time moving on and with their remaining parent dating, especially if they are young.

It’s not all about you, random dude who wants to date widowed mom.

Thanks, bitter biyach I’ve tried to avoid my entire life.

Ditto. There’s nothing worse than a middle aged man looking to score with a widow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, they just feel a little awkward about this rare situation of a young widow. Give them a bit of time to get used to it.

You're actually way more appealing than a divorced woman: a divorce means two people didn't get along. You got along with your husband, ergo, you can make it work with someone else. Also, you're young, and can attract men who might want kids as well as those who don't. Essentially, you have a lot of choices!

Agree. Divorced women tend to channel their ex-anger towards any new guy they meet. Guys hate that. But a widow probably actually likes & misses men. Completely different dynamic.

Again, you are ignoring THE CHILDREN. Children of divorce, though sad their parents aren’t together, are usually happy that their parents aren’t bickering anymore. Children who lost a parent have a much tougher time moving on and with their remaining parent dating, especially if they are young.

It’s not all about you, random dude who wants to date widowed mom.

Thanks, bitter biyach I’ve tried to avoid my entire life.

Ditto. There’s nothing worse than a middle aged man looking to score with a widow.

Except a guy who’s turned off by the concept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, they just feel a little awkward about this rare situation of a young widow. Give them a bit of time to get used to it.

You're actually way more appealing than a divorced woman: a divorce means two people didn't get along. You got along with your husband, ergo, you can make it work with someone else. Also, you're young, and can attract men who might want kids as well as those who don't. Essentially, you have a lot of choices!

Agree. Divorced women tend to channel their ex-anger towards any new guy they meet. Guys hate that. But a widow probably actually likes & misses men. Completely different dynamic.

Again, you are ignoring THE CHILDREN. Children of divorce, though sad their parents aren’t together, are usually happy that their parents aren’t bickering anymore. Children who lost a parent have a much tougher time moving on and with their remaining parent dating, especially if they are young.

It’s not all about you, random dude who wants to date widowed mom.

Thanks, bitter biyach I’ve tried to avoid my entire life.

Ditto. There’s nothing worse than a middle aged man looking to score with a widow.

Except a guy who’s turned off by the concept.

Nope, the guy who is turned off by the concept has the emotional intelligence to understand that he can’t handle the heaviness of playing around with a woman and children who lost her husband and their father tragically. He knows his limits and his actions and attitudes reflect those boundaries.

A jerk who is just thinking about how the widow isn’t bitter and likes men is lacking all empathy and consideration for the seriousness of the situation. He is the absolute worst thing that could happen to anyone.