How on earth do I date as a widow?
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Anonymous
| Part vent, part seeking any actual input. I’m a young (30s) widow, with two young kids. I’m ready to date but, good lord, how on earth do I meet men who are okay with this situation? I feel so alone because this situation is so rare. I feel like men my age aren’t interested because, even if they’re okay with kids, they’re worried I haven’t fully “left” my husband (I mean, they aren’t totally wrong, a terrible disease took the love of my life from me, it’s not like I’m eager to forget him and burn all the pictures). Therapy got me to a place where I’m mentally and emotionally ready to seek companionship again, but I don’t even know how to begin and feel overwhelmed at the prospect of the potential dating pool being so small. You already hear so much about it being so hard for women my age, to add kids, plus widowhood, it just sounds impossible. |
Anonymous
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No, they just feel a little awkward about this rare situation of a young widow. Give them a bit of time to get used to it.
You're actually way more appealing than a divorced woman: a divorce means two people didn't get along. You got along with your husband, ergo, you can make it work with someone else. Also, you're young, and can attract men who might want kids as well as those who don't. Essentially, you have a lot of choices! |
Anonymous
| Sorry for your loss. I am not in this situation but I have friends that were. It is similar to a divorce in a way. There is no right time universally, it is whenever you feel it is right. Who cares about the pictures in your home? The potential men should not be in your home… |
Anonymous
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On the up side, trashy men won't want to date you.
Are you involved in widow social/support groups? |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry for your loss. Don’t necessarily think so far ahead. Ask yourself, “do I want to date this man, today?” If yes, go on date. Then if there is a potential for a follow up, ask yourself that question again. If it’s a strain of yesses, then you found a good thing. If one day it’s a no, move on. Enjoy the companionship of the moment. |
Anonymous
OP here. Thanks for the sympathy. I think you’re reading too literally into my exaggerated metaphor (“burn” the pictures of my spouse). All I meant, I guess, was I’m afraid that any partner will be put off by the emotional “relationship” I still have with my late husband. Let’s not put the cart before the horse by making assumptions about when I would or wouldn’t have any future partner into my home — I’m just trying to figure out how to take the first steps here! |
Anonymous
Thank you. |
Anonymous
| It is awkward. Maybe just focus on your 2 kids right now. |
Anonymous
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A good friend of mine was widowed young. I know she found some good groups on Facebook for support, and even more importantly, an in-person support group. I think you may find it helpful to find other women in similar situations.
My friend’s situation was a bit unusual, as she was pregnant with their first child when her husband died. She had a lot of healing to do before she was ready for another relationship. She’s since met a really great guy and they’ve been together a few years. Best of luck to you. |
Anonymous
How long has it been? I have a young widowed friend with two kids... I think it took her a couple of years before she was really ready to open her heart to someone new. When she was ready, it happened very quickly (I think it was a friend of a friend) and she is very happy now. I think you will find the men who are open to your situation tend to be very kind. |
Anonymous
| A young widow with two young kids is far more attractive to men than a young divorcee with two young kids. You don’t have any ex spousal baggage and custody issues. Just let your friends know that you’d be interested in meeting someone and you will do fine. |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry OP. Have you read the blog DC Widow? Similar situation, she is now remarried. |
Anonymous
| Date ten years older than you and it will work out better. |
Anonymous
| Try just dating for fun - like you want someone to go to the movies with, to go bowling with, to go to a museum and dinner with for a night. Don't date for a long term relationship leading to marriage. See how THAT feels. You don't have to tell people you're a widow on a first date. Try ten first dates with different guys without mentioning it. See how it feels. |
Anonymous
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Here's a great guide, from someone who's BTDT. I don't know her personally but her late husband was part of a wider circle of contacts. She wrote hundreds of blogs about her experience and amazingly has experienced a happy next stage of life.
https://dcwidow.com/theres-no-handbook-for-how-to-do-this/ https://www.instagram.com/dcwidow/ |