Are marriages worse today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were worse before IMO. My grandma was clearly abused by grandpa. She had her own apartment nearby where she could go when grandpa went crazy at times. They owned a small farm and usually lived there. They never divorced though. He was alcoholic and died of heart attack. Police did nothing as domestic abuse was not a crime unless you kill the other person.

My father was just as abusive to my mother; she had nowhere to go. He found her every time. She finally divorce him when we were in high school. I begged her to do it long before. This all was in the old country.

I left my husband within two years in US when he got physically abusive. Leaving has become easier.

Most men I met have not been marriage or even dating material. A lot of untreated mental issues and special needs that come out when they can't hide them anymore.

Agree.

It’s like they never learned to talk or resolve things, they go straight to arguing, bullying and verbal abuse.

Or maybe you harangue the men in your life and they don’t feel they deserve to be unduly criticized at every turn. Just a thought. Also, maybe you approach them in a pandering, condescending manner and they respond angrily. Men are simply. Speak plainly to them. Realize that they just want to speak plainly and we can’t read your mind if you’re mad about something.

Lol.

As if that wasn’t step 1 every time. lol.

They don’t want to step up or grow up.

Bottom line: no reason to stay and married to them? Then don’t be!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great, and I take care of a number of things my wife isn't even aware of. In her mind, the kitchen just cleaned itself after she seemingly used every pot in the house to make spaghetti for the kids, or things that are broken that she didn't even realize were broken, magically fixed themselves when she was taking a nap. Sitting around with a barely managed pile of mental anxieties and overanalyzing life's trivialities doesn't mean you have more of a 'load' than men do.

Omg! Come to my house!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, women just have more options. Remember it wasn’t until the 70s that a woman could even open a bank account in her own name. Men used to have us financially, emotionally, socially, and physically trapped.

This was true in the United States or in Saudi Arabia?! WTH

The good, old USofA, my friend. 1974. Look it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Research.

If you are a young woman or man asking this question, do the research. The world was a different place in 1955.

An average woman in 1955 could not drive, did not have a college degree, could not get a job beyond retail/minimum wage, would not be approved for a credit card...was not even allowed to open a bank account or rent an apartment without a male co-signer.

How is she getting a divorce?

Your later points are fine. But in 1955, most women drove, many not most went to college and jobs were there well above minimum wage.

And in most places women could open bank accounts.

My mother in 1955 who came from a poor family had a job (Bell South) that paid more than my father who was a new doctor. She had a car and a bank account. No college though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were worse before IMO. My grandma was clearly abused by grandpa. She had her own apartment nearby where she could go when grandpa went crazy at times. They owned a small farm and usually lived there. They never divorced though. He was alcoholic and died of heart attack. Police did nothing as domestic abuse was not a crime unless you kill the other person.

My father was just as abusive to my mother; she had nowhere to go. He found her every time. She finally divorce him when we were in high school. I begged her to do it long before. This all was in the old country.

I left my husband within two years in US when he got physically abusive. Leaving has become easier.

Most men I met have not been marriage or even dating material. A lot of untreated mental issues and special needs that come out when they can't hide them anymore.

Agree.

It’s like they never learned to talk or resolve things, they go straight to arguing, bullying and verbal abuse.

One of the things that has happened is that the marriage material men or most of them are married after college or after professional school. Doctors lawyers mbas. They have not been on the market for years before they are married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They were worse before IMO. My grandma was clearly abused by grandpa. She had her own apartment nearby where she could go when grandpa went crazy at times. They owned a small farm and usually lived there. They never divorced though. He was alcoholic and died of heart attack. Police did nothing as domestic abuse was not a crime unless you kill the other person.

My father was just as abusive to my mother; she had nowhere to go. He found her every time. She finally divorce him when we were in high school. I begged her to do it long before. This all was in the old country.

I left my husband within two years in US when he got physically abusive. Leaving has become easier.

Most men I met have not been marriage or even dating material. A lot of untreated mental issues and special needs that come out when they can't hide them anymore.

Agree.

It’s like they never learned to talk or resolve things, they go straight to arguing, bullying and verbal abuse.

One of the things that has happened is that the marriage material men or most of them are married after college or after professional school. Doctors lawyers mbas. They have not been on the market for years before they are married.

This is very true--tragically so for women who have been unmarried and career-focused until their late 20s / early 30s. As a sad spinster friend put it, the best advice she could give to young women is to get out of the dating pool as fast as you can reasonably manage. It's not like the odds improve over time.

[Anonymous]

One issue is different expectations. Take abuse control out of it. I think both sides now might leave a marriage if it was no longer fulfilling. If the person was not you soul mate anymore. If you grew apart. None of those reasons would have caused most people to get divorced.

Divorce is an interesting topic. Rates are inverse to income. Meaning low income high divorce rate. As high as 75%. Middle income 50%. Real UMC — under 250k a little less Rich 1 million plus 10% or less. Why?

Why do most rich people not divorce?

[Anonymous]

They just have open marriages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One issue is different expectations. Take abuse control out of it. I think both sides now might leave a marriage if it was no longer fulfilling. If the person was not you soul mate anymore. If you grew apart. None of those reasons would have caused most people to get divorced.

Divorce is an interesting topic. Rates are inverse to income. Meaning low income high divorce rate. As high as 75%. Middle income 50%. Real UMC — under 250k a little less Rich 1 million plus 10% or less. Why?

Why do most rich people not divorce?

Deferred gratification and impulse control correlate positively with wealth building, so I think they are less likely to divorce on impulse. Wealthy people also probably have a better grasp on the measurable economic consequences of divorce, so they avoid it.

But the poor are not entirely irrational. "Smoke 'em if you got 'em" and "Live for today" are rational if you've always had good things just out of reach or snatched away by circumstance before you could enjoy them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great, and I take care of a number of things my wife isn't even aware of. In her mind, the kitchen just cleaned itself after she seemingly used every pot in the house to make spaghetti for the kids, or things that are broken that she didn't even realize were broken, magically fixed themselves when she was taking a nap. Sitting around with a barely managed pile of mental anxieties and overanalyzing life's trivialities doesn't mean you have more of a 'load' than men do.

Not every husband is like you. Some men just go to work and don't contribute to the house. They don't even buy their own clothes. They'd rather wear shoes with holes and wait for the wifey to buy a new pair.

Why do you care if your husband's shoes have holes in them?

- wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Great, and I take care of a number of things my wife isn't even aware of. In her mind, the kitchen just cleaned itself after she seemingly used every pot in the house to make spaghetti for the kids, or things that are broken that she didn't even realize were broken, magically fixed themselves when she was taking a nap. Sitting around with a barely managed pile of mental anxieties and overanalyzing life's trivialities doesn't mean you have more of a 'load' than men do.

You sound bitter and angry about doing chores. Funny how that’s always the case with men. Either they’re lazy or they’re angry their butts weren’t kissed hard enough when they deigned to do something. Guess what? Cleaning and fixing your home is basic. You don’t deserve a medal or applause.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They just have open marriages.

I do not think that is true at upper income levels. Sure some. But this is bigger in the middle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 1955 women couldnt have their own bank account and marital rape was legal.

Interesting that you think that is "better" than divorce.

It wasn't until the mid 70s that states started to make marital rape illegal and wasn't until 1993 that all 50 state made marital rape illegal. Still, marital rape is treated differently than non-marital rape in many states.

It wasn't until 1974 that women didn't need permission from their DHs or, if unmarried, a male relative to open a bank account in their own name.

It wasn’t until the 1970s that the U.S. Supreme Court struck down a Tennessee law requiring a woman to assume the last name of her husband before registering to vote.

Yeah, the women of the 50s had it so much worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone said women could not open bank accts till the 70s. The truth is, women were allowed to do so on the 60s.
They are confusing banks being required to allow women credit applications in her own name no matter marital status.

Technically, women won the right to open a bank account in the 1960s, but many banks still refused to let women do so without a signature from their husbands. The 1974 Equal Credit Opportunity Act prohibited that and other sex discrimination in the credit/finance world.

https://www.forbes.com/advisor/banking/when-could-women-open-a-bank-account/#:~:text=It%20wasn't%20until%201974,a%20signature%20from%20their%20husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, women just have more options. Remember it wasn’t until the 70s that a woman could even open a bank account in her own name. Men used to have us financially, emotionally, socially, and physically trapped.

This was true in the United States or in Saudi Arabia?! WTH

Could a single working woman open a bank account? What would she do with her money? Or was it just married women that had to have their husbands name on the account?

A single working woman had to have a male relative consent to her opening a bank account.