Are marriages worse today?

[Anonymous]

My IL's marriage was solid but not an entirely happy one. He was constantly putting her down, but she knew he was doing it to make himself feel better about himself. She also knew he loved her and would be lost without her. We all knew that.
Wind back to his parents and that had a similar dynamic. Husband hustled a lot, ran a successful business and his wife became increasingly frail of mind / "nervous". It was easy for that to happen as they had the means for her to not work or push herself. Throw in a bit of of psychological instability and a spouse who didn't have great intellectual expectations of the wife and nothing kept her mind sharp. Women's empowerment during the 1940s wasn't quite happening.

Last week, one of my older male colleagues made one of those idiotic "wife" jokes, as in, 'hey, that was a dumb move' to which the older male colleague respond 'oh, my wife must be in the room'. Nobody thought it was funny (maybe they did 20 years ago). My respect for that old guy completely zeroed out after that.
I think women were (and often STILL are) common targets for derision by their husbands. Women in the past put up with it, some still do today.

There are definitely expectations for better treatment from wives today. Women who are contributing to the family economics are far less willing to put up with that BS and willing to walk if it happens.
That said, I think marriages of the past accepted these compromises. Back then, marriage wasn't about actualizing your best self or living your best life. It was a pact - plighting your troth. There were ups and down, good and bad. Some couples were able to ride it out, few bailed out, some became dysfunctional families. For a lot of the women who held on, it was a mark of character to weather marital storms. I dunno if their kids appreciated seeing unhappy parents though.

[Anonymous]

Hoeflation is a major issue these days

Hoeflation is a neologism that refers to the inflation of perceived social and sexual desirability, often fueled by social media platforms. It's a modern phenomenon that has sparked intrigue, debates, and, yes, quite a bit of confusion.
https://www.enotalone.com/article/relationships/hoeflation-exposed-13-insights-for-a-healthier-relationship-r8763/

[Anonymous]

There is no way this thread wasn't started by a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 1955, 2.3% of marriages ended in divorce. Today it is between 35-50%. That’s huge! Are marriages a lot worse today or are men worse husbands/women worse wives? Were 47.7% of people just absolutely depressed and miserable in their marriages in the 50s and we don’t know about it?

Yes, so much worse.

Your powerful data cited is total proof!

Don’t do it guys! Don’t get married.

[Anonymous]

They are not worse today, we just have higher expectations. See The All-or-Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My IL's marriage was solid but not an entirely happy one. He was constantly putting her down, but she knew he was doing it to make himself feel better about himself. She also knew he loved her and would be lost without her. We all knew that.
Wind back to his parents and that had a similar dynamic. Husband hustled a lot, ran a successful business and his wife became increasingly frail of mind / "nervous". It was easy for that to happen as they had the means for her to not work or push herself. Throw in a bit of of psychological instability and a spouse who didn't have great intellectual expectations of the wife and nothing kept her mind sharp. Women's empowerment during the 1940s wasn't quite happening.

Last week, one of my older male colleagues made one of those idiotic "wife" jokes, as in, 'hey, that was a dumb move' to which the older male colleague respond 'oh, my wife must be in the room'. Nobody thought it was funny (maybe they did 20 years ago). My respect for that old guy completely zeroed out after that.
I think women were (and often STILL are) common targets for derision by their husbands. Women in the past put up with it, some still do today.

There are definitely expectations for better treatment from wives today. Women who are contributing to the family economics are far less willing to put up with that BS and willing to walk if it happens.
That said, I think marriages of the past accepted these compromises. Back then, marriage wasn't about actualizing your best self or living your best life. It was a pact - plighting your troth. There were ups and down, good and bad. Some couples were able to ride it out, few bailed out, some became dysfunctional families. For a lot of the women who held on, it was a mark of character to weather marital storms. I dunno if their kids appreciated seeing unhappy parents though.

Most people I know are happier than ever in their marriages in their 50's. I don't know if it's Stockholm Syndrome or once in-laws are dead and kids are independent, reasons for friction are gone.

[Anonymous]

We live in a highly narcissistic society where everything's disposable including families, and just about every adult social activity/gathering revolves around consuming alcohol. Everyone's living 'their best life' on SM, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re kidding me. We KNOW women were trapped in marriages. They didn’t have the ability to get a credit card or even checking account without a husband. Forget earning power to survive alone. I’m flabbergasted how you don’t know recent history.

I’m not trying to be pedantic, but you cannot believe that 47% of marriages were between women and horrific abusers who beat them and they couldn’t leave. I’m trying to understand realistically if people were generally better spouses to each other or if half of marriages were as bad as they are today, but women could not leave them.

It’s the latter. Obviously

[Anonymous]

Marriages aren't worse, but the men to pick from certainly are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re kidding me. We KNOW women were trapped in marriages. They didn’t have the ability to get a credit card or even checking account without a husband. Forget earning power to survive alone. I’m flabbergasted how you don’t know recent history.

I’m not trying to be pedantic, but you cannot believe that 47% of marriages were between women and horrific abusers who beat them and they couldn’t leave. I’m trying to understand realistically if people were generally better spouses to each other or if half of marriages were as bad as they are today, but women could not leave them.

On DCUM, not doing the dishes and not conspicuously-enough sharing “the mental load” are equivalent divorce triggers to abuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriages aren't worse, but the men to pick from certainly are.

Read about hoeflation, that's why there are passports bros dedicated to finding foreign women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 1955, 2.3% of marriages ended in divorce. Today it is between 35-50%. That’s huge! Are marriages a lot worse today or are men worse husbands/women worse wives? Were 47.7% of people just absolutely depressed and miserable in their marriages in the 50s and we don’t know about it?

'

I think ... yes, people were miserable and unhappy in the 1950s. In the 50s women were almost often dependent on men. They were discriminated against when getting jobs (it would go to a man who had a family to feed), they were paid less (because they weren't men with families to support), financially (they couldn't get a credit card without a male co-signer), in expectations (nobody thought women had enough brains or fortitude to survive). They'd often lose their kids b/c they didn't have a job. Birth control couldn't be had by unmarried women. So all of this leads one to weigh their options and ... stay married.

[Anonymous]

Hard to tell. Women have more choice, but the choices are still poor. Now they need to raise children, manage a household AND hustle to earn a living. They are subject to the “light” abuse of their employers. They still need a second income to raise children, which is why many stay in unhappy marriages.

[Anonymous]

Really? Consider how many fewer options women had in 1955. It doesn't mean they were more happily married - it means those women had no way out so they dealt with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 1955, 2.3% of marriages ended in divorce. Today it is between 35-50%. That’s huge! Are marriages a lot worse today or are men worse husbands/women worse wives? Were 47.7% of people just absolutely depressed and miserable in their marriages in the 50s and we don’t know about it?

Yes, because (1) the women didn't have a choice so what was the point in complaining about it and (2) people didn't value mental health as much. This was very much the "buck up" generation.

How old are you that you don't know this? It seems like you're really out of touch with that generation.