Why 50/50? My Attorney Saying 50/50 isn’t likelh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most men don't want to see their children.

My friend who is a divorce lawyer says the new thing (last 15 years) with women is forcing their H's to take the kids 50/50, instead of fighting for more custody to maximize child support, but that's because most women she represents have their own money. Also, they sincerely want their ex's to be part of their children's lives so they force it through the courts.

That's a fancy way of saying the women don't want to see their children either.

+1 BINGO. Women want to be on the prowl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Wow so maybe don’t send your kid to a school that punishes your young kid if their parents does not dress them well. After a certain age, a kid should be able to groom herself.

Tell the school nurse its dad’s custody and he needs to be called.

Plenty of divorced dads take care of their kids well. It irritates me when women act like all men are incompetent. They’re not and many parent well once divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Wow so maybe don’t send your kid to a school that punishes your young kid if their parents does not dress them well. After a certain age, a kid should be able to groom herself.

Tell the school nurse its dad’s custody and he needs to be called.

Plenty of divorced dads take care of their kids well. It irritates me when women act like all men are incompetent. They’re not and many parent well once divorced.

Are you unfamiliar with the concept of school uniforms? It’s not about being dressed “well” it’s a school rule that they wear uniforms, and yes they’re penalized when they don’t. Below 10 or so it’s assumed the parents who have agreed to the uniform policy are actually…dressing their kids in the uniform in question. Weird you think that’s too high a bar for a dad.

“After a certain age” is great unless your kid isn’t after that age. You think no one forms opinions about your kids and family before fifth grade?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.

Uh yeah, you're clearly not the active parent who signs kids up for activities or drives them to/from or who talks to the other parents to stay in the loop about camps, clinics, development, etc. There's so much that goes into supporting your kid. And yes, it's wrong to be the selfish parent who doesn't support their kid's interests or who uses their kid as a weapon to get back at their ex or to get out of paying more child support.

The kid is going to want to be on the team with their friends, with the right schedule, at the right level, with the right coaching, etc. If you aren't the one who's managed this in your family then you have zero idea. Being an obstinate a$$ and making your kid quit a favorite activity because you're getting divorced and too lazy to drive them but still want to stick it to your ex is being a bad parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've dated several divorced dads who really step up once the wife is out of the picture during their custody time. But I can tell from stories they tell that the ex wife did more when they were married.

You can't tell from how a dad acts during marriage how he will act when he is a single dad. A lot of men, if a woman is around, will be lazy and let her do more work. it doesn't mean they CANT do the work. They just act like they cant so they get out of it. Once they get custody, they step up and do tons of stuff their exes
thought they "couldnt" do.

You can’t really tell from that perspective what the divorced dad is actually doing. Even if they are forced to step up and feed and clothe their children, it’s likely still the bare minimum, and mom is still doing all the work of organizing school, medical care, activities …

It’s sad you are so negative about men. All the men I know are very involved dads and do everything.

You must be a statistical anomoly, because actual research shows men consistently do less.

Let me guess, the studies are with women. No, we are not an anomaly. Most of the dads I know are very active and involved.

even your word choice when you’re trying to claim this is a huge tell - what woman would ever characterize her parenting as “active” and “involved”? lol.

and these are time-use studies that consistently show women do more domestic labor. (even when they work ft.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

wow what a joke that dad would have to be if mom had to go to such lengths…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.

Uh yeah, you're clearly not the active parent who signs kids up for activities or drives them to/from or who talks to the other parents to stay in the loop about camps, clinics, development, etc. There's so much that goes into supporting your kid. And yes, it's wrong to be the selfish parent who doesn't support their kid's interests or who uses their kid as a weapon to get back at their ex or to get out of paying more child support.

The kid is going to want to be on the team with their friends, with the right schedule, at the right level, with the right coaching, etc. If you aren't the one who's managed this in your family then you have zero idea. Being an obstinate a$$ and making your kid quit a favorite activity because you're getting divorced and too lazy to drive them but still want to stick it to your ex is being a bad parent.

Actually I am the parent who signs up and we share the driving. Two swim teams, multiple other activities per child, some two or three or more a day. You clearly have no idea what you are talking about and your assumptions are wrong. We spend a small fortune on activities and our lives revolve around them. Stop complaining and make it work. Maybe if you treated your ex better, he’d be more willing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than a swim team.

A kid will have no long-term relationship with a parent who takes away swim team or other extracurricular or social opportunities. This strategy has a 100% fail rate. Your kid ends up hating you for taking away things that matter to them. It's self-alienation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.

Uh yeah, you're clearly not the active parent who signs kids up for activities or drives them to/from or who talks to the other parents to stay in the loop about camps, clinics, development, etc. There's so much that goes into supporting your kid. And yes, it's wrong to be the selfish parent who doesn't support their kid's interests or who uses their kid as a weapon to get back at their ex or to get out of paying more child support.

The kid is going to want to be on the team with their friends, with the right schedule, at the right level, with the right coaching, etc. If you aren't the one who's managed this in your family then you have zero idea. Being an obstinate a$$ and making your kid quit a favorite activity because you're getting divorced and too lazy to drive them but still want to stick it to your ex is being a bad parent.[/quote

It's self-sabotage. We all want to end with adult children who like and respect us. Pull this s*** and you're kids end up hating you, and as soon as they are no longer legally forced to spend time with you, the relationship ends.